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A review by creech
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Rachel Carlton Abrams, Doug Abrams, John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman
5.0
This isn’t literary-wise the top of a poetic heap of relationship-boosting prose. It’s an excellent reframing of relationships and simple question guide that if you follow will churn up the sore spots and potentially elevate your relationship to unseen levels of intimacy.
Why the 5 stars ⭐️ for a books that seems so basic?
Books don’t change our lives, but they can confuse, they can distort, they can distract, and they provide the kindling to stoke rumination and resentment. Or, as in the case with Eight Dates, they can offer some clarity, they can positively reframe and provide a new angle, they can offer a chance to focus, they can bring insights from the pages of scientific studies and they can provide the easy-access doorways to rooms where healthy growth work can be done.
I’d recommend this to any type of couple abs especially anyone in a committed relationship.
Instead of worrying about “when should I leave?” And “when should I stay” it reframes the entire topic out of solutions and into the practice of sharing and hearing. The only way this book has value is if you and your person actually DO the dates. The insights are only in yourself and your partner. But this is an area where the wrong questions and wrong angle can be devastating or needlessly painful. So they matter a great deal.
For some I hope things become clear that they can’t accept - relationships that need to be rent always should be no matter the fear of the unknown. And for most, I hope, this book helps pave an approach to each other that makes it easier to turn away from the many temptations to resent each other’s annoyances and differences and makes acceptance and intimacy a daily practice.
Trying and trying. Been reading this book with my heart for more than a year as we’ve done the dates, had gaps, had tears, had so much more ease added to a long relationship, and had all the energy rejuvenated to where I can’t see us not running the 8 dates regularly- every year or two.
Why the 5 stars ⭐️ for a books that seems so basic?
Books don’t change our lives, but they can confuse, they can distort, they can distract, and they provide the kindling to stoke rumination and resentment. Or, as in the case with Eight Dates, they can offer some clarity, they can positively reframe and provide a new angle, they can offer a chance to focus, they can bring insights from the pages of scientific studies and they can provide the easy-access doorways to rooms where healthy growth work can be done.
I’d recommend this to any type of couple abs especially anyone in a committed relationship.
Instead of worrying about “when should I leave?” And “when should I stay” it reframes the entire topic out of solutions and into the practice of sharing and hearing. The only way this book has value is if you and your person actually DO the dates. The insights are only in yourself and your partner. But this is an area where the wrong questions and wrong angle can be devastating or needlessly painful. So they matter a great deal.
For some I hope things become clear that they can’t accept - relationships that need to be rent always should be no matter the fear of the unknown. And for most, I hope, this book helps pave an approach to each other that makes it easier to turn away from the many temptations to resent each other’s annoyances and differences and makes acceptance and intimacy a daily practice.
Trying and trying. Been reading this book with my heart for more than a year as we’ve done the dates, had gaps, had tears, had so much more ease added to a long relationship, and had all the energy rejuvenated to where I can’t see us not running the 8 dates regularly- every year or two.