A review by lushyouth
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

5.0

This novel was delusional in the best way. Since you're following a survivor of abuse at the hands of a pedophile, you are in her mind as she is being manipulated and molded to think she is implicit in her abuse. One day she doesn't see anything wrong with her abuser's actions, the next she acknowledges them as wrong, then the cycle continues. It's realistic in the sense of Vanessa not being the 'perfect victim'. She victim blames, she defends her abuser, she minimizing his actions. This, of course, she realizes is a coping mechanism she uses to try to comfort herself: "I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that. Because if it isn't a love story, then what is it? It's my life, This has been my whole life." She was told by her abuser from the very beginning that situations like hers were misunderstood and demonized. She was fed books like Lolita to familiarize and normalize pedophilia in her brain, and it lasts and clouds her judgement into adulthood. Her path to realizing her experience was not love but instead abuse is an emotional and heartbreaking one, but leaves off for hope of the future. This was an amazing read but very uncomfortable so if you have been through a similar experience or are sensitive to topics such as pedophilia, sexual assault, manipulation, etc, be cautious if you choose to pick this up.