A review by inniss
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman

4.0

I forgot I read this! This is a classic, and probably a good that everyone in a relationship would benefit from reading. The Gottman institute is a leader in the field of marriage study, and this is the guy you hear about who can predict if a relationship will last after listening to couples interact for just a few minutes. It was really interesting to read about all the small things that help sustain long term relationships--including things you probably do that don't realize you're doing. Things like making small concessions to signal the end of a conflict, or using conciliatory techniques that probably come pretty naturally to people (people who like their partners I guess!) ONe thing I noticed which made me laugh a little--a few of the 7 habits seem to be specifically for men, or pitched to cis men. Habits like Accepting influence, Solving solvable problems, Overcoming gridlock---all seemed to be habits that Gottman seemed to be pitching either directly or indirectly, to cis men. At one part I was like--is this book for cis women?.....because so many of the tips seemed to be about men being stubborn or dismissive or oblivious bone heads. This may be my bias peeking through...haha....maybe other people would have different perspectives.

BUT--on that topic, this book should probably be updated to include less heteronormativity, and to be inclusive of variant sex and gender identities. It's pretty mired in a binaristic perspective, and as such is maybe a little reductionist. If you can overlook that, it's a great book.