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A review by musicalbox09
Don't Touch by Rachel M. Wilson
4.0
Finished this book overnight. Being a theatre nerd with anxiety issues, I could really relate a lot to Caddie (except that I have a different condition than hers). Plus, it's such joy to read a book that is set in a place where art is celebrated and developed. The lingo, the setting, the people, the situations- all of these, perhaps, have been encountered by every theatre kid and every arts kid out there, and the fact that the author chose to set this novel in a subject area that today's society normally disregards and looks down upon in favor of the academic world is refreshing and just plain wonderful.
I may not study in an art school, but as a person who appreciates and loves the arts (like I said, I'm a theatre nerd- musical theatre, to be specific), I was able to truly feel for the characters, whether it was stage fright or forgetting one's lines or audition stress or being uncomfortable with a scene partner or simply being scared to step out into the sun, to get out of my comfort zone.
Caddie is the character I can relate to the most. Often anxious and worried and overcome by her own fears and thoughts, she often pushes her friends and family away to keep herself safe from the dangers she knows aren't real. She can't control her anxiety or her worried thoughts, nor can she stop thinking that if she touches someone and breaks her game's rules, something bad will happen. This makes it even more overwhelming for her when people start to express their curiosity on why she wears gloves, why she doesn't want to take them off, why she jerks away at the mere notion of touch. She does want to stop thinking that way, but she just can't .
And this is where Peter comes in and starts to coax her out of her fears. He's the epitome of a person who truly loves his anxious loved one with mental illness. He doesn't really push her too much(he doesn't understand her condition all too well- the exchanges between Peter and Caddie are witty and awkward and pained and real ), always walking on eggshells and keeping a wary eye on her to make sure that she is okay. He's the kind of guy that every girl would want to be with, a guy who listens, who is patient, who knows that he loves a very very flawed person and still loves her anyways, who wants to make her happy. Even though Caddie pushes him away a lot (and hurts him a lot in the process), he always gives room for her to come back. He may be hurt, but he knows that she is struggling not only with her issues but with her feelings as well. He makes sure that she does not feel alone in her experiences.
And I guess that's what we broken and messed up and "crazy" neurotic people need: a person who slows us down, a person who is patient with us. A person who understands that we ourselves are struggling and does not push. A person who seeks our consent before pushing further. A person who knows that we are fragile but does not treat us like we need to be babied. A person who simply listens, someone who wants to help us carry the load. A person who is willing to take the burden for us, even for a little while. A person who truly truly cares for us and tells us over and over again. A person who knows that deep down we love them and care for them and don't want to hurt them even though on the surface we may say otherwise. A person who knows that we are scared to be alone, that we are frightened that he would leave us and never look back, and reassures us that he won't, even without words.
I really appreciate that the author didn't gloss over the fact that it takes time for us to recover. Doesn't mean that our issues will disappear once we talk about it. It might have been a little bit too fast for me in the last few chapters (Caddie's baby steps out into the sun, I mean), but let's not ignore the fact that the author allowed Caddie to still have relapses even after she sought help, though they might have been few. Perhaps it was because the story would've been drawn out too long, but I'm okay with that. At least she showed that it takes time to be able to overcome our extraordinarily petty anxieties and fears and that being surrounded by people who care helps a lot.
All in all, this was such an awesome overnight read. I may not have been able to sleep well last night, but hey, I learned that there are people who still care and understand and that love can keep our fear at bay, even for a moment.
I may not study in an art school, but as a person who appreciates and loves the arts (like I said, I'm a theatre nerd- musical theatre, to be specific), I was able to truly feel for the characters, whether it was stage fright or forgetting one's lines or audition stress or being uncomfortable with a scene partner or simply being scared to step out into the sun, to get out of my comfort zone.
Caddie is the character I can relate to the most. Often anxious and worried and overcome by her own fears and thoughts, she often pushes her friends and family away to keep herself safe from the dangers she knows aren't real. She can't control her anxiety or her worried thoughts, nor can she stop thinking that if she touches someone and breaks her game's rules, something bad will happen. This makes it even more overwhelming for her when people start to express their curiosity on why she wears gloves, why she doesn't want to take them off, why she jerks away at the mere notion of touch. She does want to stop thinking that way, but she just can't .
And this is where Peter comes in and starts to coax her out of her fears. He's the epitome of a person who truly loves his anxious loved one with mental illness. He doesn't really push her too much(he doesn't understand her condition all too well- the exchanges between Peter and Caddie are witty and awkward and pained and real ), always walking on eggshells and keeping a wary eye on her to make sure that she is okay. He's the kind of guy that every girl would want to be with, a guy who listens, who is patient, who knows that he loves a very very flawed person and still loves her anyways, who wants to make her happy. Even though Caddie pushes him away a lot (and hurts him a lot in the process), he always gives room for her to come back. He may be hurt, but he knows that she is struggling not only with her issues but with her feelings as well. He makes sure that she does not feel alone in her experiences.
And I guess that's what we broken and messed up and "crazy" neurotic people need: a person who slows us down, a person who is patient with us. A person who understands that we ourselves are struggling and does not push. A person who seeks our consent before pushing further. A person who knows that we are fragile but does not treat us like we need to be babied. A person who simply listens, someone who wants to help us carry the load. A person who is willing to take the burden for us, even for a little while. A person who truly truly cares for us and tells us over and over again. A person who knows that deep down we love them and care for them and don't want to hurt them even though on the surface we may say otherwise. A person who knows that we are scared to be alone, that we are frightened that he would leave us and never look back, and reassures us that he won't, even without words.
I really appreciate that the author didn't gloss over the fact that it takes time for us to recover. Doesn't mean that our issues will disappear once we talk about it. It might have been a little bit too fast for me in the last few chapters (Caddie's baby steps out into the sun, I mean), but let's not ignore the fact that the author allowed Caddie to still have relapses even after she sought help, though they might have been few. Perhaps it was because the story would've been drawn out too long, but I'm okay with that. At least she showed that it takes time to be able to overcome our extraordinarily petty anxieties and fears and that being surrounded by people who care helps a lot.
All in all, this was such an awesome overnight read. I may not have been able to sleep well last night, but hey, I learned that there are people who still care and understand and that love can keep our fear at bay, even for a moment.