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A review by daeus
Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
4.0
Solid review of attachment theory with many examples within relationships and explanations of an individual's CNS along with strategies to respond to different situations that more towards secure attachment. Felt like a therapist giving a lecture/workshop.
Some interesting concepts/quotes:
- we need to be in attunement at least 20% of the time in relationships. No one is perfect, there is wiggle room here.
- practice repair, which builds our relationship resiliency, and helps keep us in attachment.
- "we develop the capacity for independence...we develop the capacity for dependence... and that gives us this increased capacity for interdependence."
- practice noticing and receiving 1% more connection.
- there are some benefits to insecure attachment types with regards to survival. Ex. Avoidant is good with limiter resources to survive alone in harsh circumstances.
- "Secure folks don't have any particular behavior pattern or personality or appearance, they just have this capacity for connection."
- ambivalence: 'they pick a fight when really they just want a hug, but they're too stressed.'
Some interesting concepts/quotes:
- we need to be in attunement at least 20% of the time in relationships. No one is perfect, there is wiggle room here.
- practice repair, which builds our relationship resiliency, and helps keep us in attachment.
- "we develop the capacity for independence...we develop the capacity for dependence... and that gives us this increased capacity for interdependence."
- practice noticing and receiving 1% more connection.
- there are some benefits to insecure attachment types with regards to survival. Ex. Avoidant is good with limiter resources to survive alone in harsh circumstances.
- "Secure folks don't have any particular behavior pattern or personality or appearance, they just have this capacity for connection."
- ambivalence: 'they pick a fight when really they just want a hug, but they're too stressed.'