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A review by kxowledge
Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by William Ury
5.0
This book is way better than the first in the series Getting to Yes. I like Ury's prose and his advices are concrete and helpful, it's no wonder this book is considered a negotiation primer.
Key takeaway:
• Obstacles to cooperative negotiation:
o your (emotional) reaction – don’t strike back, don’t give in, don’t break off – to fight this it’s important to recognize the OP’s tactic (stone wall, attack, trick go around, deflect, expose), know your hot buttons, and take time to reflect
o their emotion – understand the OP’s perspective (even paraphrase what they say to demonstrate your understanding, ask them to correct any of your misunderstanding), crate an atmosphere of agreement by using the word “yes” (prefereably use “yes, and” instead of “yes, but”), acknowledge their authority/competence, make I-statements and not you-statements
o their position – don’t reject, reframe: ask the OP open-ended (why? Why not? What if? What makes that fair?) questions in order to clarify their interest, test their opinions and attemot ti dusciver their standards of fairness; ask them for what would they do if they were in your position and how they think the issue should be handled;
o their dissatisfaction – remove common obstacles, don’t dismiss them as irrational, spend time trying to understand their nned and their reasoning, consider the needs for recognition/identity/security, ensure that the proposal is consistent with their principles and values
o their power – help them see that agreement is in their best interest (compare BATNAs, let OP know the consequeces “What do you think will happen if we don’t agree?”/”What do you think I will do?”/”What will you do?”
• Identify your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement then use that as leverage.
• After asking a question that recived an incomplete or unclear answer, or after presenting an option, be quiet. Most people are uncomfortable with silence during tense situations, so probably the OP will speak first and offer more info.
• Keep in mind that the OP may reject an offer because it wasn’t their idea, because they have further interests, because they believe they will lose face by accepting, because they might be feeling rushed to agreement. In cases like these, avoid telling the OP what the best solition is or why your proposal is the best, instead invite them to share their ideas, offer multiple choices, use an if-then formula, consider having a third party recommend your proposal, ensure that the OP receives credit for resolving the conflict
• Separate the process of reaching agreement into steps based on various issues and then move issues by issue
Key takeaway:
• Obstacles to cooperative negotiation:
o your (emotional) reaction – don’t strike back, don’t give in, don’t break off – to fight this it’s important to recognize the OP’s tactic (stone wall, attack, trick go around, deflect, expose), know your hot buttons, and take time to reflect
o their emotion – understand the OP’s perspective (even paraphrase what they say to demonstrate your understanding, ask them to correct any of your misunderstanding), crate an atmosphere of agreement by using the word “yes” (prefereably use “yes, and” instead of “yes, but”), acknowledge their authority/competence, make I-statements and not you-statements
o their position – don’t reject, reframe: ask the OP open-ended (why? Why not? What if? What makes that fair?) questions in order to clarify their interest, test their opinions and attemot ti dusciver their standards of fairness; ask them for what would they do if they were in your position and how they think the issue should be handled;
o their dissatisfaction – remove common obstacles, don’t dismiss them as irrational, spend time trying to understand their nned and their reasoning, consider the needs for recognition/identity/security, ensure that the proposal is consistent with their principles and values
o their power – help them see that agreement is in their best interest (compare BATNAs, let OP know the consequeces “What do you think will happen if we don’t agree?”/”What do you think I will do?”/”What will you do?”
• Identify your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement then use that as leverage.
• After asking a question that recived an incomplete or unclear answer, or after presenting an option, be quiet. Most people are uncomfortable with silence during tense situations, so probably the OP will speak first and offer more info.
• Keep in mind that the OP may reject an offer because it wasn’t their idea, because they have further interests, because they believe they will lose face by accepting, because they might be feeling rushed to agreement. In cases like these, avoid telling the OP what the best solition is or why your proposal is the best, instead invite them to share their ideas, offer multiple choices, use an if-then formula, consider having a third party recommend your proposal, ensure that the OP receives credit for resolving the conflict
• Separate the process of reaching agreement into steps based on various issues and then move issues by issue