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A review by kikiwest
I fell in love with hope by Lancali
challenging
dark
sad
slow-paced
1.0
I DNFed this book about a quarter of the way through. I have DNFed maybe 5 books in my life, so it’s very rare. I’m learning to let it happen more often, instead of suffering through bad books. Before I get into my very, very long winded review, I want to give a disclaimer - I have nothing against the author, I understand she has been through rough situations in life that inspired this book. That being said, I think this book was published far too early, and should have been edited, revised, and then maybe left to marinate for a little while before being released into the world.
The Writing:
There were multiple reasons I quit this book. The writing style itself was number one. This book was trying soooo hard to be whimsy and lyrical and poetic and wallflowery that it was painful to read. Some authors can pull that off, but this felt like I was reading a 14 year old writing Pride and Prejudice fan fiction. The way the characters spoke was so unbelievable. They’re sick teenagers living in current times - I’ve not met a single person in my 29 years of life who speaks like that, and I’ve met some insane and imaginative and theatrical people. The rest of the writing that was not dialogue was hard to follow and had very poor grammar. I’ve always been someone who can forgive fragmented sentences and run ons for the sake of style - so long as it’s still readable. This was not. Some ideas were so incredibly forced - I lost track of how many times Hikari was yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow hair, yellow eyes, the sun personified. There is such a thing as too much, and everything in this book was too much.
The Plot:
The beginning felt very much like a Fault in our Stars knock off. ‘Let’s get cigarettes and booze as a metaphor for telling death to f*** off!’ - except it wasn’t done very well. If you’re gonna rip off an idea or plot point from someone, you have to at least do it better to justify the rip off. I didn’t make it far enough in the book to really tear into the plot, but I did read several reviews that made it very clear to me that I will not be reading any further. Spoilers below.
————
Sam… isn’t real? I hate it, but I understand the appeal for some. What I DON’T understand is how Sam can’t interfere with anyone in order to help them - but she can interfere in harmful ways? Did she not help Hikari steal the items she used to harm herself in the beginning? This doesn’t make any sense, and was the nail in the coffin for me.
Harmful Characterizations:
There are multiple other reviews that discuss this, so I’ll try not to beat a dead horse. Instead I’ll talk about why I assume the author thought she was immune from this kind of criticism, and why that doesn’t work.
Many have said the characterization of Neo’s ED was glamorized or portrayed in a harmful way. Sam doesn’t tell anyone, and if we’re saying she can’t because she’s not real, then neither do any of the REAL characters, which is not right. The same exact thing can be said for Hikari’s self harm. Her friends absolutely should have spoken up and gotten her help, and yet they did not.
I think the author thought she could get away with this because she herself has either suffered from chronic illness or loved someone who has suffered and maybe died from chronic illness. The fact that she’s lived through the life she writes about probably leads her to believe she can write whatever she wants, no matter how dark, because she’s experienced it. I think this is not at all the case, and I’ll wrap up my review with why.
If young people read this (which I feel is the target audience, being written by a young author, with teenage characters, and marketed mostly through TikTok) they might see these ‘friends’ keep Neo’s ED and Hikari’s SH a secret and not tell any adults, which they might emulate in their own lives if they don’t know any better. While I don’t think it’s responsible for every book to be educational, nor do I expect authors to avoid darker topics for fear of having young impressionable readers, we all know how many, many young people glamorized 13 Reasons Why and To The Bone - if you’re writing to a young audience and you have these topics, I do think you should be very careful how you portray these elements.
I had high hopes, and yet BookTok strikes again. When will I learn my lesson?
The Writing:
There were multiple reasons I quit this book. The writing style itself was number one. This book was trying soooo hard to be whimsy and lyrical and poetic and wallflowery that it was painful to read. Some authors can pull that off, but this felt like I was reading a 14 year old writing Pride and Prejudice fan fiction. The way the characters spoke was so unbelievable. They’re sick teenagers living in current times - I’ve not met a single person in my 29 years of life who speaks like that, and I’ve met some insane and imaginative and theatrical people. The rest of the writing that was not dialogue was hard to follow and had very poor grammar. I’ve always been someone who can forgive fragmented sentences and run ons for the sake of style - so long as it’s still readable. This was not. Some ideas were so incredibly forced - I lost track of how many times Hikari was yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow hair, yellow eyes, the sun personified. There is such a thing as too much, and everything in this book was too much.
The Plot:
The beginning felt very much like a Fault in our Stars knock off. ‘Let’s get cigarettes and booze as a metaphor for telling death to f*** off!’ - except it wasn’t done very well. If you’re gonna rip off an idea or plot point from someone, you have to at least do it better to justify the rip off. I didn’t make it far enough in the book to really tear into the plot, but I did read several reviews that made it very clear to me that I will not be reading any further. Spoilers below.
————
Sam… isn’t real? I hate it, but I understand the appeal for some. What I DON’T understand is how Sam can’t interfere with anyone in order to help them - but she can interfere in harmful ways? Did she not help Hikari steal the items she used to harm herself in the beginning? This doesn’t make any sense, and was the nail in the coffin for me.
Harmful Characterizations:
There are multiple other reviews that discuss this, so I’ll try not to beat a dead horse. Instead I’ll talk about why I assume the author thought she was immune from this kind of criticism, and why that doesn’t work.
Many have said the characterization of Neo’s ED was glamorized or portrayed in a harmful way. Sam doesn’t tell anyone, and if we’re saying she can’t because she’s not real, then neither do any of the REAL characters, which is not right. The same exact thing can be said for Hikari’s self harm. Her friends absolutely should have spoken up and gotten her help, and yet they did not.
I think the author thought she could get away with this because she herself has either suffered from chronic illness or loved someone who has suffered and maybe died from chronic illness. The fact that she’s lived through the life she writes about probably leads her to believe she can write whatever she wants, no matter how dark, because she’s experienced it. I think this is not at all the case, and I’ll wrap up my review with why.
If young people read this (which I feel is the target audience, being written by a young author, with teenage characters, and marketed mostly through TikTok) they might see these ‘friends’ keep Neo’s ED and Hikari’s SH a secret and not tell any adults, which they might emulate in their own lives if they don’t know any better. While I don’t think it’s responsible for every book to be educational, nor do I expect authors to avoid darker topics for fear of having young impressionable readers, we all know how many, many young people glamorized 13 Reasons Why and To The Bone - if you’re writing to a young audience and you have these topics, I do think you should be very careful how you portray these elements.
I had high hopes, and yet BookTok strikes again. When will I learn my lesson?
Content Warnings
Moderate: Eating disorder, Self harm, and Death