A review by mermaird
I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokpokki by Baek Se-hee

5.0

I think one of the most important lessons that I learned from this book is that there is only one "you" in this world, and you are special in your own way, regardless of what happens. I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokpokki is a book originally written in Korean, about a woman diagnosed with dysthymia. Baek Se-hee wrote the dialogues during her sessions with a psychiatrist, and included her inner thoughts on how she wants to love herself better.

I don't read a lot of self-help books–I can't remember any apart from Loveability by Robert Holden, but I didn't even finish reading the book completely–so I was quite unsure what to expect from reading this. I had wanted to love this book, and that is exactly how it ended to be—and perhaps I love it more than I had hoped.

Although I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokpokki is actually a compilation of written dialogues between the author and her psychiatrist, I was able to immerse myself into the conversation, to the point that it felt very intimate, as if I was in her situation all along. I was never clinically diagnosed with depression or any other mental illness, but I went through my own dark moments and I could relate to most of the things that Baek Se-hee went through. The confusion in Baek Se-hee's dialogues mirror my own, and the psychiatrist's words sent me a blanket of comfort that I absolutely needed.

I had prayed for 2020 to start of well for me, but alas, January did not end as the best time for me. However, the presence of this book, the words and dialogues written by Baek Se-hee were able to help me cope with my own dark overwhelming thoughts. I didn't finish the book in one seating, it took a whole deal lot of times, but I am utterly grateful for it. I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokpokki is the kind of book that I will keep very close to me, and will reach out to it again whenever I'm at my lowest.

I definitely recommend everyone to read this book. I was able to relate to a lot of it, and I hope others will find comfort from it as well. I hope that even when you feel like dying, there is something that you still want to do to stay alive, no matter how small the matter is, even if it's only craving for some spicy rice cakes.