5.0

 ๐™ท๐š˜๐š—๐šŽ๐šœ๐š๐šข ๐™ท๐š˜๐šž๐š›: ๐™ธ ๐š ๐šŠ๐šœ ๐š”๐š’๐š—๐š๐šŠ ๐šŠ๐šŸ๐š˜๐š’๐š๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š›๐šŽ๐šŠ๐š๐š’๐š—๐š ๐š๐š‘๐š’๐šœ.
Sex is โœจexcitingโœจ I assumed celibacy would beโ€ฆmuch less exciting.
Turns out not picking up ๐™๐™๐™š ๐˜ฟ๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™Ž๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ @melissafebos โ€”for any reasonโ€”is doing yourself a gross disservice.

I went in expecting the kinda memoir thatโ€™s specifically the authorโ€™s. Relatable if you stretch a bit, adapt their story to your situation. Fortune cookie & horoscope-esque. ๐™๐™๐™š ๐˜ฟ๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™Ž๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ is a MF manifesto. W/e youโ€™ve read of Febosโ€™, imagine that on steroids (or off? depending on what kinda roids they are ig ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‚). By the end I was convinced enough to consider celibacy myself.

In removing the โ€œend goalโ€ so to speak, you gain clarity inaccessible any other way (or so Iโ€™m told lol). The observations made regarding womenโ€™s presentation & their consequential treatment? Staggering. The separation of ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ต from its other parts (after care, emotional cleanup, self perception, etc)? Something Iโ€™d argue only Melissa could articulate in this way. A v unique spot, some of which I can personally attest to, being a queer femme is so frustrating in terms of visibility. A toss up whether your queerness will be recognizedโ€”& even when it is, that doesnโ€™t shield from the male gaze. 

Really looking at her relationship w her body & sex left me no choice but to do the same. ๐˜ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ. Itโ€™s SO sad how much time, money, emotional bandwidth & mental energy Iโ€™ve (weโ€™ve) spent in hopes of ultimatelyโ€”like it or notโ€”being desirable. & for what? The vast majority of those whose attention I was hoping to catch I couldnโ€™t pick out of a line-up today. Thereโ€™s not a single relationship that was made better by the dynamic, if anything I set myself up for disappointment & mistreatment.

๐™๐™๐™š ๐˜ฟ๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™Ž๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ข ๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ-๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ณ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ ๐˜ธ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜น, ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜บโ€™๐˜ด ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฑ ๐˜ธ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜น, ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ธ ๐˜ข ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆโ€ฆ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐Ÿฅด 
๐€ ๐™ข๐™ช๐™จ๐™ฉ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ง๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ž & ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ . 

Thank you bunches to A.A.Knopf, Melissa Febos & NetGalley for the DRC, physical ARC and beautiful finished copy w goodies. You spoiled the crap out of me w this one and I'm so friggin thankful. This memoir is everything.