A review by iread2dream
First Gen by Alejandra Campoverdi

emotional hopeful inspiring

5.0

When I first came across First Gen on NetGalley, I thought this would be a "cute, kind of inspiring" story to read, especially as a first gen Latina myself and a "First and Only" as well. I requested the eARC and was really excited to dive into this book. Two weeks after my approval, I lost a loved one. I'm not even going to lie, seeing Alejandra's Instagram didn't inspire me to read the book while I was grieving the loss of a loved one. Why? Because she looked so polished, like she had her life completely together (I know, I know, it's just social media), and here I was suffering a second loss in as many years, wondering how long it would be this time around before I completely unraveled.

 

The day before publication, Alejandra posted on her Instagram that her book was coming out the next day. I'd seen her posts here and there and mostly just skimmed over them. (I have a point, I promise.) I decided to at least start reading the book that day (the day before publication). After all, I had requested an eARC and thereby had agreed to read and review the book to share with my tens of followers.

 

I cried while reading the first page. The first page of the prologue. What did me in? Maybe it was my girly hormones. *eyeroll* Or maybe it was a simple phrase: "cycle breakers." What does that mean? Does it refer to breaking the 'cycle of poverty'? The financial cycle of poverty? The educational cycle of poverty? Or does it refer to the generational cycles? The ones that come from trauma. The ones that lead us to do (usually) stupid things simply because many of our ancestors did them and predisposed us to do these things. (Serial cheaters, anyone?) I knew then, as I cried at this simple phrase, as I read the next sentence ("These young people had just white-knuckled their way through school guided solely by the possibility of a better life than their parents'."), that I wasn't just picking up the book and starting it, I was picking up the book to finish it.

 

I won't say I cried throughout the whole book, but I did cry a lot. I wasn't expecting it. Here is this woman who seems so polished, so well put-together, who oozes confidence (in her Instagram pictures, but still), but who still laid out all the ragged pieces of her life for us in their rawest form. What she went through. What she felt. This isn't a 'rags to riches' story. This is a story about the between - before the 'riches' and what it took to get there. The fight Alejandra put up, the way she blindly dove into things because, as she so eloquently put it at the very beginning, she was guided solely by the possibility of having a better life than her parents.

 

Alejandra's book is a love story to "First and Onlys" - first generation children of immigrants, first to go to college, first to graduate college (even if some of us, like me, were part of that 90% that don't graduate on time), and for some time even the only ones to go to college. To those of us who grew up in single-parent households, with little to no money. With family aspirations for us to have a decent-paying job and not be screw ups. It's for those of us who were (or are) forging a path to parts unknown, blindly trying to follow 'the masses' into college, hoping against hope that we make it through to the other side. I remember while I was in college feeling for the longest time (I was there for more than four years) that my biggest accomplishment to date was graduating high school without a teenage pregnancy and/or drug-related problems. Knowing that whatever happened after college, whether I graduated or not, I would never move back home again. Ever. That I needed to make something of myself if I wanted to succeed, never mind that I didn't even know what 'making something of myself' or 'succeeding' even entailed.

 

Alejandra not only delved into the difficulties we First and Onlys face while navigating life without a compass, but the deep-rooted hardships we also have to overcome. She didn't gloss over the hard parts that lay in between the 'rags and riches.' She dissected them. Epigenetics. ACEs. Parentification of children. Imposter syndrome. I cried even harder during these parts. Yes, here is this woman who looks polished and put together, but I recognized where she was going because I'm on this journey right now. My journey to healing. To understanding that the things I went through as a child affected me more deeply than I will probably ever understand.

 

This book is not 'cute' and it's not 'kind of' inspiring. It's real and raw, and pierces the soul with the truths some of us have long sought to deny. Alejandra gave voice to the things I've experienced and felt for most of my life. She made me feel seen. She validated my struggles and my own white-knuckling story, even if I did not strive for peaks as high as hers.

 

Thank you, Alejandra, for unpacking and delivering everything in such an elegant and loving manner. For sharing your story. Our story. For helping me see that I too can one day look polished, well put together, and hopefully ooze confidence (I doubt this last one but we'll see), as along as I continue my healing, no matter how hard it has been or will be.

 

Thank you NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for this eARC. My reviews are my own, including all my tears.