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bookishmillennial 's review for:
Disappoint Me
by Nicola Dinan
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Thank you to PRH Audio for the advanced listening copy (ALC) of this book.
Okay, so now I desperately want the print or e-copy (so once I have an income again, I will buy it) because I want to re-read this and highlight/annotate, which can be less accessible for me when reading an audiobook. However, I will say that the narrators Martin Sarreal and Mei Mei MacLeod were excellent, and I could listen to them speak for ages!!!
I absolutely loved this book though. It covers so much, and as a fellow millennial, the millennial angst and dread in general was spot on. I don't want to spoil what happens in the book, and what betrayal/massively horrible event takes place that the premise/description alludes to. However, I will say that the narrative was laid out exquisitely. Nicola Dinan has such a gift for storytelling, both in the way she develops such layered, nuanced, relatable, authentic characters, and in the way she sets up the story to invite readers to stay a while and invest in the plot she's so carefully illustrated.
Max's existential crisis after she falls was so real. I am 33 and when you run into a scare, especially a physical health one, you are confronted with how short life is, and what mortality really means in the body you're in. The way she began to question and challenge not only her lifestyle, behaviors, and thoughts, but others' was like looking in a mirror. This is what I mean when I say reading helps me understand and make sense of the world and human experience, and it doesn't help me to just escape it. It is rich of me to get upset that Max is constantly assessing if others are okay, and if they have enough capacity for her, because she deserves to be able to vent and have folks in her corner regardless of what's going on in their lives too.
However, this is something femmes do much too often (emotional labor) in ensuring they don't take up too much space, in minimizing their own pain and stresses, and giving others more grace. I'm not saying people don't deserve grace; they absolutely do. I just think more people should give it and recognize that they are not the only main characters on Earth. Max's fall is only the beginning of her health journey in this book, and my heart ached as she navigated who to tell, when, and if she would be adding too much stress to their lives. During an emotional rollercoaster, she had to be the measured and calm one, which she should not always have to resort to.
I cannot speak to being a trans woman with any lived experience, but I fully recognize how it adds yet another layer she has to navigate in these situations. She notes that she is trans in her dating app profile, but I imagine there's a heavy weight in being someone's first trans girlfriend. Again, the emotional labor in being patient (which they don't have to stick around for tbh) with their learning curve. I can only relate in terms of my own intersections (like I could find similarities in being someone's first Asian girlfriend, someone's first bisexual girlfriend, someone's first neurodivergent girlfriend, someone's first infertile girlfriend, etc etc etc), so again, I can't say I know with certainty what Max has to navigate, but I appreciate that Nicola paints Max's character with grace, empathy, and a gentle demeanor, while simultaneously being refreshingly honest, unapologetic, and direct.
I hate to say I related to a cisman, but here I am lol. Vincent's character was also quite nuanced; you are waiting for the big reveal of what he did in the past that is unforgivable and warrants such disgust, shame, and rage. Once I got there, I absolutely was full of them all. However, the road to get there was really interesting. He is clearly trying very hard to get his relationship with Max right, but stumbles a LOT along the way. Though he stumbles, it's clear that these two fall into an immediate ease with one another, and feel familiar to each other.
Their romance, friendship, and eventual partnership just makes sense. I felt giddy as they got to know one another, and how they approached each other with care and hope. I loved how they connected over feeling like they were torn between cultures, not fully feeling welcomed or like they belonged to any certain culture or geographic area. Max is multiracial (Chinese and white, and grew up in Hong Kong I think), while Vincent is Chinese but grew up in the UK (again, I think... I could be getting it wrong because it's harder for me to retain details like this when listening to an audiobook - please forgive my brain!!). Vincent also has some stuff going on with his family, and they aren't particularly enthusiastic when they learn that Max is trans.. However, he does really attempt to prioritize Max's feelings and their relationship above all.
That's what makes his past reveal so devastating. It's horrid. It's irredeemable for many people, and I can't blame them. Okay, so if you're a Gleek, it's the same gut punch and "what the FUCK?" feeling we felt when we saw Blaine coupled up with Karovsky after he and Kurt break up. Karovsky was literally Kurt's high school bully, and made it his mission to make Kurt miserable and fear for his life. Then, Kurt's first love who was there through all of that......goes and moves IN with Kurt's high school bully?????? Yeah, the Glee writers will never hear the last of that from me. That was how I felt when I realized what Vincent did, along with his friend Fred, who in the present, is married and seems like an okay dude. HOWEVER, the abolitionist in me wants to make space for mistakes and for folks to grow and do better.
SO!!! I don't think the person they harmed ever has to make nice with Fred or Vincent, BUT I do appreciate that Vincent recognizes that any apology or attempt to reach out to her would be self-indulgent (equivalent to a public instagram notes apology) and not add anything impactful or positive to her life. I appreciate that he simply takes what he did as reprehensible, and tries to move forward intentionally that he will never behave like that again. I really have hope that he will stick to his word, and overall, I love how hopeful this book ended, amidst the angst and uncertainty. I love that above all, Max and Vincent choose love, hope, and aim to be the best versions of themselves. They're both struggling with so much - physical health, emotional and mental stress, fraught familial dynamics, and a general existential crisis - but beyond this, they are choosing to hold onto glimmers even when it's hard (which feels insurmountable especially when it's hard!!) and the possibility of more love and more joy.
Content to note: there is a Harry Potter reference in this but I think context is important. This is the passage:
A woman too old to be wearing a beanie with animal ears holds her hands up and spins, her bearded partner taking a photo of her. She is the type of person whose quirks consist of kitsch clothing and an unwavering belief that her love for the most successful media ventures of my lifetime—Friends and Harry Potter—somehow makes her unique. Is there a special place in hell for me? Vincent and I recently had a conversation about our self-perceived flaws. (Page 50)
The character is making fun/poking fun at this person she’s meeting, and the commentary reads as “how original/unique of you to love Friends and/or Harry Potter,” when the subtext is that both of those media are incredibly popular and widely known.
Okay, so now I desperately want the print or e-copy (so once I have an income again, I will buy it) because I want to re-read this and highlight/annotate, which can be less accessible for me when reading an audiobook. However, I will say that the narrators Martin Sarreal and Mei Mei MacLeod were excellent, and I could listen to them speak for ages!!!
I absolutely loved this book though. It covers so much, and as a fellow millennial, the millennial angst and dread in general was spot on. I don't want to spoil what happens in the book, and what betrayal/massively horrible event takes place that the premise/description alludes to. However, I will say that the narrative was laid out exquisitely. Nicola Dinan has such a gift for storytelling, both in the way she develops such layered, nuanced, relatable, authentic characters, and in the way she sets up the story to invite readers to stay a while and invest in the plot she's so carefully illustrated.
Max's existential crisis after she falls was so real. I am 33 and when you run into a scare, especially a physical health one, you are confronted with how short life is, and what mortality really means in the body you're in. The way she began to question and challenge not only her lifestyle, behaviors, and thoughts, but others' was like looking in a mirror. This is what I mean when I say reading helps me understand and make sense of the world and human experience, and it doesn't help me to just escape it. It is rich of me to get upset that Max is constantly assessing if others are okay, and if they have enough capacity for her, because she deserves to be able to vent and have folks in her corner regardless of what's going on in their lives too.
However, this is something femmes do much too often (emotional labor) in ensuring they don't take up too much space, in minimizing their own pain and stresses, and giving others more grace. I'm not saying people don't deserve grace; they absolutely do. I just think more people should give it and recognize that they are not the only main characters on Earth. Max's fall is only the beginning of her health journey in this book, and my heart ached as she navigated who to tell, when, and if she would be adding too much stress to their lives. During an emotional rollercoaster, she had to be the measured and calm one, which she should not always have to resort to.
I cannot speak to being a trans woman with any lived experience, but I fully recognize how it adds yet another layer she has to navigate in these situations. She notes that she is trans in her dating app profile, but I imagine there's a heavy weight in being someone's first trans girlfriend. Again, the emotional labor in being patient (which they don't have to stick around for tbh) with their learning curve. I can only relate in terms of my own intersections (like I could find similarities in being someone's first Asian girlfriend, someone's first bisexual girlfriend, someone's first neurodivergent girlfriend, someone's first infertile girlfriend, etc etc etc), so again, I can't say I know with certainty what Max has to navigate, but I appreciate that Nicola paints Max's character with grace, empathy, and a gentle demeanor, while simultaneously being refreshingly honest, unapologetic, and direct.
I hate to say I related to a cisman, but here I am lol. Vincent's character was also quite nuanced; you are waiting for the big reveal of what he did in the past that is unforgivable and warrants such disgust, shame, and rage. Once I got there, I absolutely was full of them all. However, the road to get there was really interesting. He is clearly trying very hard to get his relationship with Max right, but stumbles a LOT along the way. Though he stumbles, it's clear that these two fall into an immediate ease with one another, and feel familiar to each other.
Their romance, friendship, and eventual partnership just makes sense. I felt giddy as they got to know one another, and how they approached each other with care and hope. I loved how they connected over feeling like they were torn between cultures, not fully feeling welcomed or like they belonged to any certain culture or geographic area. Max is multiracial (Chinese and white, and grew up in Hong Kong I think), while Vincent is Chinese but grew up in the UK (again, I think... I could be getting it wrong because it's harder for me to retain details like this when listening to an audiobook - please forgive my brain!!). Vincent also has some stuff going on with his family, and they aren't particularly enthusiastic when they learn that Max is trans.. However, he does really attempt to prioritize Max's feelings and their relationship above all.
That's what makes his past reveal so devastating. It's horrid. It's irredeemable for many people, and I can't blame them. Okay, so if you're a Gleek, it's the same gut punch and "what the FUCK?" feeling we felt when we saw Blaine coupled up with Karovsky after he and Kurt break up. Karovsky was literally Kurt's high school bully, and made it his mission to make Kurt miserable and fear for his life. Then, Kurt's first love who was there through all of that......goes and moves IN with Kurt's high school bully?????? Yeah, the Glee writers will never hear the last of that from me. That was how I felt when I realized what Vincent did, along with his friend Fred, who in the present, is married and seems like an okay dude. HOWEVER, the abolitionist in me wants to make space for mistakes and for folks to grow and do better.
SO!!! I don't think the person they harmed ever has to make nice with Fred or Vincent, BUT I do appreciate that Vincent recognizes that any apology or attempt to reach out to her would be self-indulgent (equivalent to a public instagram notes apology) and not add anything impactful or positive to her life. I appreciate that he simply takes what he did as reprehensible, and tries to move forward intentionally that he will never behave like that again. I really have hope that he will stick to his word, and overall, I love how hopeful this book ended, amidst the angst and uncertainty. I love that above all, Max and Vincent choose love, hope, and aim to be the best versions of themselves. They're both struggling with so much - physical health, emotional and mental stress, fraught familial dynamics, and a general existential crisis - but beyond this, they are choosing to hold onto glimmers even when it's hard (which feels insurmountable especially when it's hard!!) and the possibility of more love and more joy.
Content to note: there is a Harry Potter reference in this but I think context is important. This is the passage:
A woman too old to be wearing a beanie with animal ears holds her hands up and spins, her bearded partner taking a photo of her. She is the type of person whose quirks consist of kitsch clothing and an unwavering belief that her love for the most successful media ventures of my lifetime—Friends and Harry Potter—somehow makes her unique. Is there a special place in hell for me? Vincent and I recently had a conversation about our self-perceived flaws. (Page 50)
The character is making fun/poking fun at this person she’s meeting, and the commentary reads as “how original/unique of you to love Friends and/or Harry Potter,” when the subtext is that both of those media are incredibly popular and widely known.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Cursing, Hate crime, Homophobia, Racism, Transphobia, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Outing, Dysphoria
Moderate: Infidelity, Medical content, Alcohol
Minor: Body shaming, Eating disorder, Abortion, Fire/Fire injury