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A review by dannafs
What We Carry by Maya Shanbhag Lang
4.0
What We Carry is a short, beautiful memoir focused on the relationship between Maya and her mother. As a young girl, Maya idolized her mother. In comparison to the abuse she received from her father, Maya's mother was loving, protective, and always a stable force. As Maya faces becoming a mother herself, she is shocked to find her perspective of her mother shifting. This changing viewpoint rocks Maya's foundation and forces her to question many core beliefs.
What We Carry is written in short chapters that flow seamlessly from one to the next, which makes for quick reading. The love Maya feels for her mother is palpable, even as she faces struggles in the relationship. It is moving to see Maya cope with each discovery about her mother and herself as she navigates this new stage of life.
I loved Maya's observations about motherhood. She posits that mothers often lack sufficient support systems, self-sacrifice shouldn't be a given, and raising children can be a time to find more of what makes you whole:
"The whole thing makes me rethink motherhood. At awards ceremonies, someone always tearfully acknowledges their mother. 'She sacrificed everything for me,' the person says, breaking down. I don’t want Zoe going through life thinking that I gave myself up for her. I don’t want guilt to be her inheritance. My assumptions of motherhood have been all wrong. I feared I was supposed to have all the answers. I didn’t know my daughter would help me find them. I worried she would be an obstacle to my dreams, not the reason I went after them. Zoe makes me want to be the best version of myself. That isn’t sacrifice. It’s inspiration..
Maya also shares how difficult it is to ask for help. Her push for self-sufficiency is familiar to me, and I'm sure to many readers. There is an underlying reminder that we should be unapologetic about needing--or even wanting--support. There is also a push to recognize that people doing incredible things may have invisible support behind them; ask how they did it, ask for help, say no when you've had enough.
This book is also deeply sad. It is a close look at depression, postpartum depression, and dementia. So while it is well-composed, fast reading, it is also heavy reading. I couldn't put it down. Highly recommended.
What We Carry is written in short chapters that flow seamlessly from one to the next, which makes for quick reading. The love Maya feels for her mother is palpable, even as she faces struggles in the relationship. It is moving to see Maya cope with each discovery about her mother and herself as she navigates this new stage of life.
I loved Maya's observations about motherhood. She posits that mothers often lack sufficient support systems, self-sacrifice shouldn't be a given, and raising children can be a time to find more of what makes you whole:
"The whole thing makes me rethink motherhood. At awards ceremonies, someone always tearfully acknowledges their mother. 'She sacrificed everything for me,' the person says, breaking down. I don’t want Zoe going through life thinking that I gave myself up for her. I don’t want guilt to be her inheritance. My assumptions of motherhood have been all wrong. I feared I was supposed to have all the answers. I didn’t know my daughter would help me find them. I worried she would be an obstacle to my dreams, not the reason I went after them. Zoe makes me want to be the best version of myself. That isn’t sacrifice. It’s inspiration..
Maya also shares how difficult it is to ask for help. Her push for self-sufficiency is familiar to me, and I'm sure to many readers. There is an underlying reminder that we should be unapologetic about needing--or even wanting--support. There is also a push to recognize that people doing incredible things may have invisible support behind them; ask how they did it, ask for help, say no when you've had enough.
This book is also deeply sad. It is a close look at depression, postpartum depression, and dementia. So while it is well-composed, fast reading, it is also heavy reading. I couldn't put it down. Highly recommended.