A review by charadelle
The Orphanage By The Lake by Daniel G. Miller

Did not finish book. Stopped at 13%.

Let me preface this review with a simple truth: I wanted to like this book. The title, The Orphanage on the Lake, suggested a chilling, remote mystery—something atmospheric and gripping, maybe a little gothic. But what I got was… not that because I only made it 5 chapters before giving up.

Let’s start with something that genuinely threw me off right from the beginning: there is a extremely minor character named James Charles. Even as a minor blip on the radar, that name carries too much cultural baggage to be thrown casually into a thriller. I don't care how minor the role is. That name choice instantly ripped me out of the narrative and straight into YouTube drama circa 2019. Unintentional distraction or misguided attempt at “quirky relevance”? Either way: no.

Now, the protagonist, her drink of choice? Sugar-free Red Bull. I have nothing against energy drinks (in fact, I ride or die for regular Red Bull and the glorious nectar that is watermelon Red Bull), but sugar-free? For someone who's supposed to be unraveling dark mysteries and navigating twisted secrets, it felt painfully off-brand. Maybe it’s petty, but it’s like handing a detective a Diet Sprite and asking us to take the danger seriously.

This leads me to the most glaring issue of all: this book feels like it was written for teenagers, but then awkwardly stretched into an “adult” novel. The tone, pacing, and dialogue all scream young adult. There's nothing inherently wrong with YA but The Orphanage on the Lake was clearly marketed as a psychological thriller for adults, and it just doesn’t live up to that promise.

Speaking of tone-deaf attempts to appeal to a younger audience: an Olivia Rodrigo reference. Good 4 U, you’re hip and with the times, but this was definitely a bad idea…right? Pop culture can absolutely work in thrillers (done right, it adds relatability or ironic commentary), but here it was blatant, awkward name-dropping for clout. (See point 1 with the reference to James Charles… I’m lowkey on the side that this was used to get a reaction).

Finally, I have to say—everything in this book, that I did actually read felt like it was coated in the sterile gloss of a millionaire romance novel. Sleek cars, fancy descriptions… all fine if I’m reading about a tech billionaire falling for his grumpy barista. But this was supposed to be a thriller about secrets, trauma, danger. The whole thing lacked grit, urgency, and emotional texture. It’s giving coastal Pinterest board, not edge-of-your-seat dread.

In short: The Orphanage on the Lake isn’t the worst book I’ve read (it might be)—but it is one of the most tonally confused. If you're looking for a mystery with real suspense, flawed (and believable) characters, or storytelling that doesn’t pander to pop trends, you might want to look elsewhere. Preferably somewhere with actual Red Bull and a little less Olivia Rodrigo. Oh and if you are a male author writing female main characters, maybe have a female critique it before sending it to the publisher… let alone use a female editor.