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emdebell 's review for:
Four years after removing myself from a 25+ year mental/emotional/financial abuse situation, I still found this book hard to read in many ways. I am finally in a place where I can move from Detached Contact to No Contact, and I'm surprised how much work it is mentally and emotionally. I still often find it hard to believe and validate my own experience and trust myself to make the best decisions for myself.
I identified with every last detail in this book and yet I still find myself experiencing heavy imposter syndrome. Part of me is still siding with my abuser - I'm not understanding it correctly, I'm overreacting, being dramatic, it's my fault we can't communicate, I just need to be more understanding, etc. etc. Because of this, the most helpful aspect of this book for me is the author's insistence that we survivors take a harder stance. We aren't crazy, and no matter how much we've always wanted it, a healthy relationship with this person (at any level) is not a realistic goal.
I am fortunate enough to have made my healing journey with the support of two wonderful therapists and a couple of close friends and it has still been a tremendous amount of work. I'm so thankful to see my kids growing and healing, and to find incredible levels of redemption and restoration in my own life. Part of that process has been aided by the support and education from understanding and caring defenders such as this author and for that I'm so grateful.
"Your wholeness demands that you figure out how to either implement Detached Contact or have No Contact. There just are no other options in the world of psychological abuse recovery."
"Living well does not mean the abuse never happened. It means the abuse did not damage you beyond repair."
"Of all the offenses an abuser puts a target through, I am most deeply outraged by the stealing of goodness."
I identified with every last detail in this book and yet I still find myself experiencing heavy imposter syndrome. Part of me is still siding with my abuser - I'm not understanding it correctly, I'm overreacting, being dramatic, it's my fault we can't communicate, I just need to be more understanding, etc. etc. Because of this, the most helpful aspect of this book for me is the author's insistence that we survivors take a harder stance. We aren't crazy, and no matter how much we've always wanted it, a healthy relationship with this person (at any level) is not a realistic goal.
I am fortunate enough to have made my healing journey with the support of two wonderful therapists and a couple of close friends and it has still been a tremendous amount of work. I'm so thankful to see my kids growing and healing, and to find incredible levels of redemption and restoration in my own life. Part of that process has been aided by the support and education from understanding and caring defenders such as this author and for that I'm so grateful.
"Your wholeness demands that you figure out how to either implement Detached Contact or have No Contact. There just are no other options in the world of psychological abuse recovery."
"Living well does not mean the abuse never happened. It means the abuse did not damage you beyond repair."
"Of all the offenses an abuser puts a target through, I am most deeply outraged by the stealing of goodness."