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A review by crystalisreading
I Will Not Beg by Cherise Sinclair
4.0
I've had mixed feelings about Cherise Sinclair's writing lately. The last book or two of hers I've read have been disappointing for me for a couple of reasons (mostly lackluster writing and what seemed like a shift away from BDSM, which is why I read her books), and there have also been a couple that I didn't even bother buying. She's not on my auto-buy list anymore. But then Amazon notified me that I Will Not Beg had been released. And I saw this cover. and then I read the description and I was sunk. OK, fine, I'll buy it. I didn't remember Ethan, but he has a British accent! and the cover art is hot. So I got it, not intending to read it right away. But I did. and I finished it within a week. It was a nice difference from her last few books I've read. I still have mixed feelings about her writing, but I'll try to sort it all out here.
One issue I have with Sinclair's writing is just its general clunkiness and stereotypical-ness. Villains aren't just bad. They are cartoonishly evil: catty women who are nasty rivals to the main female characters for no apparent reason. One-note cruel abusive jerks and/or criminals as the male villains. And honestly this book wasn't much better. Once you got outside of the immediate circle of friends around Piper and Ethan, characters were extremely over-simplified, including Piper's entire family, her ex, and Ethan's ex. I do not enjoy such unrealistically simplistic characterizations, but I read these books anyway, because the main relationships usually have emotional depth, and those characters work through problems to build stronger relationships, all while having super sexy BDSM times. Also crude is how quickly even the "good" characters resort to violence. Overly simplistic writing, with a "this person is bad, so I will punch them/ a dom or two will beat them up" mentality for all the characters.
That brings me to my next concern. With her last few books, in her existing series, and the new Sons of the Survivalist series she just started, especially, it has seemed like Sinclair was moving away from BDSM towards more vanilla writing. Which is totally fine and is her prerogative, but it's not why I read her books. Hence thinking I might just find other authors I prefer.
But I have to say--this book brought it back to BDSM in a big way. not the S/M so much, but that's fine. This was about D/S and B/D, about Piper finding a way to build the type of relationship that satisfied her, with a Dominant, in a way that didn't trigger all her issues from her previous abusive relationship. And it's about Ethan discovering how to overcome his own shortcomings and personal trauma. There was a lot I liked. Ethan, for instance, did something really stupid, because he reacted based on past trauma. Not OK, but he made it right later. I also liked that the villain in this story, Piper's abusive ex-master, gave Sinclair an opportunity to discuss how abuse can happen within BDSM relationships, and even within the community--how communities can turn a blind or even approving eye to exploitative master/ slave relationships/ contracts, to non-consensual sex or violence, and to emotional abuse. Rape can happen in this community too, and we should always listen to the victims, regardless of what contracts or kinky acts were initially involved. I love that she featured a "yes means yes" protocol at the camp scenes--that consent is never implied, but must be overtly given in order to proceed.
In general, this story felt like as much a love letter to the BDSM/ kink lifestyle as it did a love story between Piper and Ethan. The kink camp that is featured partway through the novel gave Sinclair a chance to highlight so many aspects of the kink lifestyle that her books don't normally address. I mean, I'm happy we don't read about her characters being suspended in the air by hooks through their skin--but it's a thing. As are pony play and schoolmarms and littles/ age play and polyamory and sounding lessons and cuddle piles (apparently. this was new for me. but it sounded nice.). More relationships were featured than simply hetero male/female Dom/ sub arrangements.
And although I found the drama between Dixon and his master a bit drawn out and melodramatic (with another cartoonishly bad villain), I did like that not only did it give extra story time and focus to a gay couple, but it also highlighted the important dynamics in a long-term D/S relationship. How while the Dom may dominate, they don't have to be strong all the time. Submissives can be strong for them when needed. it's a relationship, after all. Just one with different power dynamics at play. and fancier sexy times.
I also appreciated that women's friendships were a big part of this story. Them and Dixon. While I'm not sure it's Bechdel-test-passing, considering that all of them talk about their respective relationships a lot, it was good to see Piper build a loving and accepting support network. I also appreciated this quotation from the story: "I’ve learned we women often feel too awkward or even guilty about asking for what is our due." Perhaps it's just the nature of romance novels post-#metoo, but I really appreciated acknowledging women's struggles in this thoughtful way.
Piper and Ethan's relationship was sweet. Given the nature and severity of the abuse Piper had suffered, it took her a long time to trust, even in the hands of as patient a dom as Ethan. I'll admit that sometimes I felt like their interactions dragged or were repetitive. But they built a stronger relationship because of it, one that, unlike some of Sinclair's earlier stories, didn't happen in a single weekend or other short time frame.
I'm not sure this puts Sinclair back on my "must read" list, but it was a good addition to her series, and makes me more open to her future books.
One issue I have with Sinclair's writing is just its general clunkiness and stereotypical-ness. Villains aren't just bad. They are cartoonishly evil: catty women who are nasty rivals to the main female characters for no apparent reason. One-note cruel abusive jerks and/or criminals as the male villains. And honestly this book wasn't much better. Once you got outside of the immediate circle of friends around Piper and Ethan, characters were extremely over-simplified, including Piper's entire family, her ex, and Ethan's ex. I do not enjoy such unrealistically simplistic characterizations, but I read these books anyway, because the main relationships usually have emotional depth, and those characters work through problems to build stronger relationships, all while having super sexy BDSM times. Also crude is how quickly even the "good" characters resort to violence. Overly simplistic writing, with a "this person is bad, so I will punch them/ a dom or two will beat them up" mentality for all the characters.
That brings me to my next concern. With her last few books, in her existing series, and the new Sons of the Survivalist series she just started, especially, it has seemed like Sinclair was moving away from BDSM towards more vanilla writing. Which is totally fine and is her prerogative, but it's not why I read her books. Hence thinking I might just find other authors I prefer.
But I have to say--this book brought it back to BDSM in a big way. not the S/M so much, but that's fine. This was about D/S and B/D, about Piper finding a way to build the type of relationship that satisfied her, with a Dominant, in a way that didn't trigger all her issues from her previous abusive relationship. And it's about Ethan discovering how to overcome his own shortcomings and personal trauma. There was a lot I liked. Ethan, for instance, did something really stupid, because he reacted based on past trauma. Not OK, but he made it right later. I also liked that the villain in this story, Piper's abusive ex-master, gave Sinclair an opportunity to discuss how abuse can happen within BDSM relationships, and even within the community--how communities can turn a blind or even approving eye to exploitative master/ slave relationships/ contracts, to non-consensual sex or violence, and to emotional abuse. Rape can happen in this community too, and we should always listen to the victims, regardless of what contracts or kinky acts were initially involved. I love that she featured a "yes means yes" protocol at the camp scenes--that consent is never implied, but must be overtly given in order to proceed.
In general, this story felt like as much a love letter to the BDSM/ kink lifestyle as it did a love story between Piper and Ethan. The kink camp that is featured partway through the novel gave Sinclair a chance to highlight so many aspects of the kink lifestyle that her books don't normally address. I mean, I'm happy we don't read about her characters being suspended in the air by hooks through their skin--but it's a thing. As are pony play and schoolmarms and littles/ age play and polyamory and sounding lessons and cuddle piles (apparently. this was new for me. but it sounded nice.). More relationships were featured than simply hetero male/female Dom/ sub arrangements.
And although I found the drama between Dixon and his master a bit drawn out and melodramatic (with another cartoonishly bad villain), I did like that not only did it give extra story time and focus to a gay couple, but it also highlighted the important dynamics in a long-term D/S relationship. How while the Dom may dominate, they don't have to be strong all the time. Submissives can be strong for them when needed. it's a relationship, after all. Just one with different power dynamics at play. and fancier sexy times.
I also appreciated that women's friendships were a big part of this story. Them and Dixon. While I'm not sure it's Bechdel-test-passing, considering that all of them talk about their respective relationships a lot, it was good to see Piper build a loving and accepting support network. I also appreciated this quotation from the story: "I’ve learned we women often feel too awkward or even guilty about asking for what is our due." Perhaps it's just the nature of romance novels post-#metoo, but I really appreciated acknowledging women's struggles in this thoughtful way.
Piper and Ethan's relationship was sweet. Given the nature and severity of the abuse Piper had suffered, it took her a long time to trust, even in the hands of as patient a dom as Ethan. I'll admit that sometimes I felt like their interactions dragged or were repetitive. But they built a stronger relationship because of it, one that, unlike some of Sinclair's earlier stories, didn't happen in a single weekend or other short time frame.
I'm not sure this puts Sinclair back on my "must read" list, but it was a good addition to her series, and makes me more open to her future books.