A review by xangemthelibrarian
Red by Annie Cardi

5.0

Someday I’ll be older and look back and this will all be a thing that happened to me. Choices I made. Paths I took. It won’t be all of me, and maybe it won’t be something other people will see when they look at me, but it will be something I carry with me. It’ll all be a part of the person I am and the person I’m becoming. There’s so much more ahead of me, and I don’t know what that will be yet, but I want to find out. 

I wish this book had existed long ago, when I needed it. Reading this was a very personal experience for me and I couldn't put it down. I wanted to hug Tessa. I wanted to scream at that youth group full of teens who simply didn't know any better. To see the church culture and how they all "just want to help you" and the subtle way the author brings out how these Christians consider it a point of pride to be "the one that brought you back to the fold" caused a visceral reaction and served as a strong reminder as to why I left the church.

Now, even as I say that, Cardi does not condemn the who church community. Even more than this story being one of abortion, loneliness, rejection, and abuse, this is a redemption and a justice story. Tessa learns to speak out and stand up, her friends redeem themselves, and her grandparents make a grounded comeback as well. Not every thread in this story is tied up neatly. It's a messy story with a realistic and hopeful ending. And I think that's what I love about that. Below are some more quotes from the story that impacted me. I removed spoiler-y bits from them so it won't ruin major plot twists.

"You obviously want to have a relationship with God.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I would change what I did,” I say, and as I’m saying the words, I realize it’s true. I want to reconnect with the faith I had, to talk to God again and be a part of something larger than myself. And I don’t know if what I did was right or wrong, exactly. But that doesn’t mean I would go back and make a different decision. Even if my relationship [...] hadn’t been a secret, even if he’d been okay with everyone finding out, I still wouldn’t have been ready to have a baby, to carry it for nine months and then be a mother. Maybe one day, but not now, not even if things had been different...

A baby is not a choice, we had shouted [...] But a baby is not a punishment either.

He should have known better.
I’m starting to know better.

Except it didn’t work out that way. Everything changed. Everything needed to change, but not for the reasons I thought at the time. 
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