A review by vivianleemit
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

challenging emotional hopeful inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.5

Sue Johnson does not disappoint. She is a very well known specialist in the field of couples therapy and this book is written in a way that mirrors her voice perfectly. She sternly draws attention to the fact that most "common" knowledge about relationships is actually quite damaging (e.g. the importance of individuality, not being dependent on others, etc.) and that humans are wired for connection. We are social creatures, and we literally regulate each others' nervous systems when we are together. The key to a great relationship, then, is not to "get our own ducks in a row" and then simply link together; it is to do the work together, as a synergistic pair, and help each other heal. The book itself is arranged as a series of seven "conversations", which are not necessarily specific things to say nor topics to focus on, but instead seven patterns of speaking with your partner that will help you understand your attachment patterns, your sore spots, and how to better generate that co-regulation. I found it a wonderful book with very emotionally touching and realistic examples, paired with clear exercises and how-tos. 

I knocked off 0.5 points because the one thing that the book does not address is how to broach the topic of these "conversations" with a partner who is unwilling or uneducated about Sue's initial thesis. In each of the example, it appears that the partners have bought somewhat "bought in" to Sue's approach and are willing to at least try the Emotionally Focused Therapy she espouses, but what happens if you have a partner that is very new to the idea of therapy or is resistant? Besides that small bit, everything else about the book was wonderful and I will be using it both in my personal life and my professional life as a therapist myself!