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A review by george_stokoe
My Dark Places by James Ellroy
4.0
I was thinking about writing a review of this book, when by coincidence I saw a claim made on social media. It was that those labelled "far right extremists" have in fact many positive attributes, one of which is "aversion to drugs, alcohol and pornography."
The book was half a century ago, but if things haven't changed too much, it gives lie to the claim, as far as one person is concerned, anyway.
Ellroy's book is part autobiography, part investigation into his mother's murder. It's interesting for his account of his early life as a burglar, drug addict, listener to right—wing radio shows, and what these days might be called an edgelord:
"The early '60s were good comic fodder. I took contrary stands on the A-bomb, John Kennedy, civil rights and the Berlin Wall brouhaha. I yelled' Free Rudolph Hess! ' and advocated the reinstalment of slavery.
... I invited a few kids to my pad- and watched them recoil at the stench of dogshit. I tried to conform to their standards of normal behaviour and betrayed myself with foul language, poor hygiene and expressed admiration for George Lincoln Rockwell and the American Nazi Party. "(pp. 119-121)
As it turned out, Ellroy got himself together, cleaned up his lifestyle, and became a successful novelist. From the book it seems two things helped him. Firstly, religion, and secondly, a structured abstinence programme/meetings:
"I knew that booze, drugs, and my tenuous abstention from them caused my brain burnout. My rational side told me that. My secondary response derived straight from guilt. God punished me for mentally fucking my mother.
... My lung abscess healed completely. I checked out of the hospital and cut a deal with God.
I told him I wouldn't drink or pop inhalers. I told him I wouldn't steal. All I wanted was my mind back for keeps.
The deal jelled. "
(pp. 160-161)
" I was hungry. I wanted love and sex. I wanted to give my mental stories to the world.
... Lloyd cleaned up in AA. He told me total abstinence was better than booze and dope at its best. I believed him. He was always smarter and stronger and more resourceful than me.
I followed his lead. I said "Fuck it" and shrugged off my old life. "
-p. 164
Early parts of the book make for an unusual crime memoir. There's none of the usual self-aggrandising gangster bullshit of the genre. Instead, in jail:
"I hung out with stupid white guys, stupid black guys and stupid Mexican guys - and swapped stupid stories with them. We had all committed daring crimes and fucked the world's most glamorous women. An old black wino told me he fucked Marilyn Monroe. I said, "No shit-I fucked her too!"
(p. 154)
Even without the murder it's a sad story.
" My mother was drinking more. She'd crank highballs at night and get pissed off, maudlin or effusive. I found her in bed with men a couple of times. The guys had that '50s lounge-lizard look. They probably sold used cars or repossessed them.
... My parents were unable to talk in a civil fashion. They did not exchange words under any circumstances. Their expressions of hatred were reserved for me: He's a weakling; she's a drunk and a whore. I believed him - and wrote her accusations off as hogwash. I was blind to the fact that her accusations carried a greater basis in truth. "
-p. 95
The book was half a century ago, but if things haven't changed too much, it gives lie to the claim, as far as one person is concerned, anyway.
Ellroy's book is part autobiography, part investigation into his mother's murder. It's interesting for his account of his early life as a burglar, drug addict, listener to right—wing radio shows, and what these days might be called an edgelord:
"The early '60s were good comic fodder. I took contrary stands on the A-bomb, John Kennedy, civil rights and the Berlin Wall brouhaha. I yelled' Free Rudolph Hess! ' and advocated the reinstalment of slavery.
... I invited a few kids to my pad- and watched them recoil at the stench of dogshit. I tried to conform to their standards of normal behaviour and betrayed myself with foul language, poor hygiene and expressed admiration for George Lincoln Rockwell and the American Nazi Party. "(pp. 119-121)
As it turned out, Ellroy got himself together, cleaned up his lifestyle, and became a successful novelist. From the book it seems two things helped him. Firstly, religion, and secondly, a structured abstinence programme/meetings:
"I knew that booze, drugs, and my tenuous abstention from them caused my brain burnout. My rational side told me that. My secondary response derived straight from guilt. God punished me for mentally fucking my mother.
... My lung abscess healed completely. I checked out of the hospital and cut a deal with God.
I told him I wouldn't drink or pop inhalers. I told him I wouldn't steal. All I wanted was my mind back for keeps.
The deal jelled. "
(pp. 160-161)
" I was hungry. I wanted love and sex. I wanted to give my mental stories to the world.
... Lloyd cleaned up in AA. He told me total abstinence was better than booze and dope at its best. I believed him. He was always smarter and stronger and more resourceful than me.
I followed his lead. I said "Fuck it" and shrugged off my old life. "
-p. 164
Early parts of the book make for an unusual crime memoir. There's none of the usual self-aggrandising gangster bullshit of the genre. Instead, in jail:
"I hung out with stupid white guys, stupid black guys and stupid Mexican guys - and swapped stupid stories with them. We had all committed daring crimes and fucked the world's most glamorous women. An old black wino told me he fucked Marilyn Monroe. I said, "No shit-I fucked her too!"
(p. 154)
Even without the murder it's a sad story.
" My mother was drinking more. She'd crank highballs at night and get pissed off, maudlin or effusive. I found her in bed with men a couple of times. The guys had that '50s lounge-lizard look. They probably sold used cars or repossessed them.
... My parents were unable to talk in a civil fashion. They did not exchange words under any circumstances. Their expressions of hatred were reserved for me: He's a weakling; she's a drunk and a whore. I believed him - and wrote her accusations off as hogwash. I was blind to the fact that her accusations carried a greater basis in truth. "
-p. 95