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A review by ebear20
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
How does one write about trauma in a way that accurately encompasses all the feelings that come along with it? My Dark Vannessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell, to me, succeeds in discussing this touchy subject while still making a reader want to continue turning the page.
My Dark Vanessa discusses the traumas of being in a relationship with a high school teacher through two timelines. First, 2000 and on: Young 15 year old Vanessa Wye returns to boarding school and quickly becomes involved in an affair with 42 year old Jacob Strane, her English Professor. This switches back and forth with moments in 2017 and on: Years later, another former student of Jacob Strane has stepped forward with allegations that he sexually abused her and she wants Vanessa's help to have people believe her and have Strane face real consequences. However, Vanessa doesn't think she's a victim. She finds herself struggling between defending Strane and believing that her "teenage self willingly engaged in this relationship", or reevaluating the events that went down.
This book was way more than I expected it to be. It touched me in so many ways and made me feel emotions I haven't been able to comfortably feel. While it centers around grooming, there are so many descriptions of sexual assault and abuse that really made me feel heard and validated. Reading back situations similar to things I've experienced made me realize how real my feelings were (and are) regarding those moments. Reading this made me feel heard.
I’m not going to lie, when picking up this book, I was worried it was going to romanticize student-teacher relationships (having only read one review prior to picking up the book). Luckily, it in NO way did that. Russell makes you feel the pain this little girl feels and makes you feel utter disgust - as it should. Fun fact, it took Russell TWO DECADES to finish this book for this very reason. She wanted the reader to feel hatred towards Mr. Strane even though Vanessa, the narrator, idolizes him. And she accomplished that SO well. (see interview: https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/books/a31282424/kate-elizabeth-russell-my-dark-vanessa-interview/ )
I recommend this to anyone BUT if you are a survivor of sexual assault, grooming, abuse, or anything along those lines, proceed with caution because it does have some very detailed scenes that I'm shocked weren't triggering for me.
My Dark Vanessa discusses the traumas of being in a relationship with a high school teacher through two timelines. First, 2000 and on: Young 15 year old Vanessa Wye returns to boarding school and quickly becomes involved in an affair with 42 year old Jacob Strane, her English Professor. This switches back and forth with moments in 2017 and on: Years later, another former student of Jacob Strane has stepped forward with allegations that he sexually abused her and she wants Vanessa's help to have people believe her and have Strane face real consequences. However, Vanessa doesn't think she's a victim. She finds herself struggling between defending Strane and believing that her "teenage self willingly engaged in this relationship", or reevaluating the events that went down.
This book was way more than I expected it to be. It touched me in so many ways and made me feel emotions I haven't been able to comfortably feel. While it centers around grooming, there are so many descriptions of sexual assault and abuse that really made me feel heard and validated. Reading back situations similar to things I've experienced made me realize how real my feelings were (and are) regarding those moments. Reading this made me feel heard.
I’m not going to lie, when picking up this book, I was worried it was going to romanticize student-teacher relationships (having only read one review prior to picking up the book). Luckily, it in NO way did that. Russell makes you feel the pain this little girl feels and makes you feel utter disgust - as it should. Fun fact, it took Russell TWO DECADES to finish this book for this very reason. She wanted the reader to feel hatred towards Mr. Strane even though Vanessa, the narrator, idolizes him. And she accomplished that SO well. (see interview: https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/books/a31282424/kate-elizabeth-russell-my-dark-vanessa-interview/ )
I recommend this to anyone BUT if you are a survivor of sexual assault, grooming, abuse, or anything along those lines, proceed with caution because it does have some very detailed scenes that I'm shocked weren't triggering for me.