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A review by sweetpeppah
Lonely: A Memoir by Emily White
4.0
I found this book very powerful and personal. I read it in one weekend, in every spare moment I had(ironically, in-between visiting with some of my closest friends, which definitely helped shore me up for an intense read).
Her thesis is that Loneliness is an affliction separate from depression or social anxiety(although sometimes coincident), that it can affect one's mental and physical health, and that we need to learn more about it, be able to talk about it as caregivers and as a society, and treat it as a unique disorder.
There are a lot of gaps in our scientific/medical understanding of loneliness and social connection. The book references what few studies there are, but it's mostly personal anecdotes from the author and a group of volunteers she interviewed. The unavoidable pathos gets a little tiring, but a lot of it was incredibly resonant with my experiences, and it was exciting to see this put into words. It feels like there's an assumption that we *should* be able to be independent and not need anyone else's support or companionship to be happy, so it's often hard to talk about. But we are social creatures and we may be hardwired to feel threatened and vulnerable when we don't have connections and intimacy.
The book doesn't offer a lot of hope or answers(the author's personal story ends on a hopeful note, at least!), but it offers an echo of what many people are experiencing and a strategy for understanding and talking about it. Even if you yourself haven't been there, it may be worth a read to consider the societal consequences of people being more isolated and disconnected, and try to understand the patterns and paradoxes of someone who's experiencing loneliness.
Her thesis is that Loneliness is an affliction separate from depression or social anxiety(although sometimes coincident), that it can affect one's mental and physical health, and that we need to learn more about it, be able to talk about it as caregivers and as a society, and treat it as a unique disorder.
There are a lot of gaps in our scientific/medical understanding of loneliness and social connection. The book references what few studies there are, but it's mostly personal anecdotes from the author and a group of volunteers she interviewed. The unavoidable pathos gets a little tiring, but a lot of it was incredibly resonant with my experiences, and it was exciting to see this put into words. It feels like there's an assumption that we *should* be able to be independent and not need anyone else's support or companionship to be happy, so it's often hard to talk about. But we are social creatures and we may be hardwired to feel threatened and vulnerable when we don't have connections and intimacy.
The book doesn't offer a lot of hope or answers(the author's personal story ends on a hopeful note, at least!), but it offers an echo of what many people are experiencing and a strategy for understanding and talking about it. Even if you yourself haven't been there, it may be worth a read to consider the societal consequences of people being more isolated and disconnected, and try to understand the patterns and paradoxes of someone who's experiencing loneliness.