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Broken by the Horde King by Zoey Draven
5.0

[Edit 09/11/2021: The amount of time it took me to read this book is no exaggeration. Over the past few months, I began to feel that I read this way too fast, and didn't properly absorb it. I have since reread this book (a lot slower this time!) and revised this review accordingly.]

I have read every single book in this series. This has been the first to emotionally break me. I went into this not knowing what to expect, other than what seemed to be a second-chance romance. It took me two days to burn through over 800 pages, and by the time I was done, I was effectively reduced to a puddle. Without exaggeration, I was in tears every other chapter. This book is also the first in the series to feature a dark-skinned heroine, which made this so much better for me.

The h, Maeva, was found abandoned in a forest by a hunting party when she was three years old. One of the members of that hunting party adopted her into his family, and raised her along with his wife and daughter, Laru. Although Maeva was human, she was immediately considered their daughter and accepted without question. She refers to the hunter who found her, his wife and their daughter as her father, mother and sister respectively. She grew up among the Dakkari, and was ultimately the subject of cruel bullying from the children her age and older, due to her drastically different appearance. The only one who came to her aid, early in her life, was Kiran.

When the H, Kiran, meets Maeva for the first time, he's known as a rukkar, a "prince". His father had been a horde king, a path that Kiran would eventually take himself when he came of age. After his father's retirement, he settled his horde into a makeshift stone city, called a saruk, by a massive cliff side overlooking the ocean. It was here, at this cliff, where a thirteen-year-old Kiran took an eight-year-old Maeva after he found her crying alone from the relentless bullying she had been subjected to, and told her his name for the first time. "Kiran" became the first word she ever said since she was found. That moment sparked a friendship
Spoilerthat would later blossom into romance
spanning the rest of their childhood, much of their adolescence and a small portion of their early adulthood.

Maeva, emboldened and buoyed by her romantic feelings for Kiran over the years and confident enough that he feels the same way, decides to act on them by openly courting him the night of a feast being held in celebration of him officially becoming a horde king, vying for her chance to be chosen as his horde queen. This ends in a way neither of them will ever forget; Kiran openly rejects her in front of the entire crowd, humiliating her
Spoilerand her family by extension
in the process. He later takes her aside and privately confronts her at the cliff-side where she first spoke, demanding to know why she attempted to court him. Kiran rejects her advances again when she kisses him for the first time, with his words and actions afterwards driving the sword further into Maeva's heart. In the final time they ever see each other, Kiran leaves Maeva
Spoilerat her angry and shouted request
on the cliff side, her face soaked with tears and her heart in pieces.

Fast forward nine years after the rejection. Maeva is 29. She is a budding healer, and has been an apprentice to the saruk's current healer for several years. She's been working diligently and fervently to be selected for his position after he retires, which is imminent. The aftermath of the rejection
Spoilerfollowed by her mother's passing a year afterwards
has left her bitterly angry and closed-off to anyone and everyone who had attempted to court her since. It's described a handful of times
Spoilermostly by Laru
that she "built up walls" around herself, threw herself into her healing work, and never allowed herself to love anyone the way she loved Kiran. Maeva hasn't seen him since that night
Spoileralthough they'd corresponded via letter occasionally, and lately she's been dreaming of him more often than she feels comfortable admitting
, but that changes when she chances a jog near the cliff side one morning.

Kiran, now 34, is a seasoned horde king. He has claimed the lands close to the saruk as his own, and his horde will stay there for the cold season. Kiran returns to the saruk after nine years, when his mokkira, the healer assigned to his entire horde, passes away from old age. He intends to recruit a new one for his horde
Spoilersince his father has three to choose from in the saruk, but he only has eyes for one
. Although he has not seen Maeva in nine years, he hasn't ever forgotten about her
Spoilerand unbeknownst to Maeva until a third of the way through the book, Kiran had arrived at her house the night he broke her heart to speak to her one last time, before he left for the plains, intending to "make amends with the only true friend I'd had", only to be assaulted by her father and threatened with the promise of death if he ever came near her again
. A surprise attack from a vicious creature not common to the coastal cliffs results in one of his warriors being injured. Maeva is the first to arrive on scene and treat him, and it's here where she and Kiran see each other face to face for the first time in nearly a decade.

First, I appreciate the change in direction Draven took with this novel. The previous three books had the heroines meeting the horde kings for the first time, and their first encounter always involved a punishment of some kind. This novel is the first to feature a situation where the heroine not only knew the horde king beforehand, but had been friends with him since childhood and developed romantic feelings for him that he
Spoilerinitially
did not reciprocate. There were lots of heart-wrenching moments when Kiran reflects on how badly he had humiliated and hurt Maeva, and it was evident by how often this happened that Kiran not only deeply regretted this mistake, but was determined to correct it, no matter the cost
Spoilerespecially after he's made aware of just how badly this had affected Maeva
.

But this is where it gets tricky for a lot of people, and here begins my opinion on how this trope played out. This is a second-chance romance. They often aren't infallible. It was mentioned more than once that Kiran had sexual relations with numerous women in the past
Spoilersome during his Trials in Dothik, others when he lived in the saruk, and at least once that was neither confirmed nor denied after he created his horde
. The first instance where Kiran hurt Maeva was when she was fifteen, and her older sister Laru came of age
Spoilerand Maeva found her and Kiran making out at the cliffs where she and Kiran always met
. Many people see this and think it's evident that Kiran was more concerned with whoring around as opposed to Maeva and her feelings, implying he never actually cared about her. However, there are a couple of things wrong with this assumption
Spoilernotwithstanding both Laru and Kiran regretting what happened that night she found them, with Kiran reflecting on what a "monstrous thing" that was to do to Maeva, and Laru resorting to forgetting it ever happened
.

For those that haven't read the previous three books, casual sex is very common among the Dakkari people, horde kings and citizens alike
Spoilerthis does not mean cheating. Kiran explains later on that the Dakkari are very sensual and lustful beings, so this is literally their nature
. Which brings me to my second point: although Kiran is said to have participated in this as well, he stopped and never did so again. And there were two reasons for this. The first and most obvious was a dream that Kiran described was given to him "by Kakkari"
Spoilerin which he and a pregnant Maeva traveled to the northern lands of Dakkar together with his horde
. The aftermath of this dream is the second reason: the mere thought of intimate relations with a woman who wasn't Maeva didn't feel right to Kiran. It was obvious to him that the dream was given for a reason, it meant something. Within the first few chapters, he reflects about the dream and what the true meaning of it was:
Spoilerreturning to the city, and more specifically returning to Maeva, to do what he should have done all those years ago
.

However, I will agree with some of the other reviews when I say Kiran was pretty clueless for a lot of the story. He seemed flat out confused that Maeva was upset with him for what happened all those years ago, and he was repeatedly frustrated that she wasn't acting like the Maeva he knew before. Although, to be fair, much of Maeva's anger stemmed from something that happened eight years ago, something Kiran isn't made aware of until about a third of the way through the book.
SpoilerAs mentioned before, Maeva's mother died a year after Kiran rejected her. Maeva wrote to him about the news, and to invite him to the funeral. Unbeknownst to either of them, Kiran's mother intercepted the letter and wrote a reply on his behalf, believing she was doing what was best for him. The response consisted of declining to attend the funeral, along with "his regards", and this fueled half of Maeva's anger towards him.
This was soon amended, and afterwards the only thing left between them was the rejection itself, but even then Maeva had to explain what Kiran had done that hurt her so much. He was perceptive in how she behaved, analyzing her behaviors and responses to things in great detail, but for the most part, he was unable to turn that same perceptiveness onto himself.

When this book was released and the first reviews came out, I saw someone on Amazon say that Maeva was "a doormat". This was absolutely NOT the case. I can only assume that the reviewer who wrote that was referencing a line from one of Mavea's chapters
Spoilerwhere she said she could forgive Kiran for breaking her heart, but not for abandoning her and her family when her mother died
, but Maeva was the exact opposite of a doormat. She wasn't head over heels in love with Kiran when she saw him after the nine years had passed. She had spent nearly a decade trying to forget about him and bury her feelings for him, and she was just beginning to make a name for herself as an accomplished healer. His return proved the wound hadn't scabbed over like she thought it did, and it was still fresh - it brought back the pain, anger and sadness Maeva had tried to forget. To say that she was a "doormat" is a severe disservice to Maeva's character. She's downright frigid in her attitudes towards him. And she made it abundantly clear that she not only didn't forget what happened, she wasn't ready to forgive him for it either
Spoilerafter she coldly tells him the best way their arrangement will work is if they forget the past and everything that ever existed between them
.

Kiran had humiliated and hurt her in a way no one else had, before or after. But it should be taken into consideration why this hurt Maeva as badly as it did. She was the only human in their entire city.
SpoilerMaeva later reveals that no one on the planet knew that a human was raised as a Dakkari, making her the first.
She was relentlessly bullied for most of her childhood. And by all accounts, aside from Laru, it didn't appear that she had any friends, before or after she met Kiran.
SpoilerMaeva's mother was the handmaiden of Kiran's mother, and after she passed, she took Maeva under her wing and taught her everything she knew about Dakkari politics and the inner workings of the capital, Dothik.
Maeva internalized a lot of what her bullies said and did to her. Her initial naivety about love and relationships, which led up to the rejection, stemmed from her lack of experience in both. And this was compounded by having her heart broken by the only person outside of her family that she trusted completely who stood up for her, was there for her, looked out for her, and cared for her. Kiran's rejection didn't just hurt her. It ruined her. And Maeva rebuilt the broken pieces of herself in the nine years that he left for the plains. By the time Kiran returns to the saruk, he even remarks that he "barely knows" the person that Maeva has become.

SpoilerThis is especially clear when the story behind the scar on her back is revealed. She accidentally exposes it to Kiran when she braids her hair back. And for the next several chapters, she refuses to tell him how she got it. After their first night together, she reveals that she jumped off a cliff into the sea, and landed on sharp, jagged rocks; something she did once as a teenager with Kiran in attendance (although the first time, she only narrowly missed the rocks), and something Kiran, still numb from the sheer terror of seeing her fall, angrily demanded she promise to never do again. She goes on to explain to Kiran that she was so angry with him in the aftermath of what happened nine years ago, that she wanted to hurt him in any way she could, even if it meant hurting herself in the process, and even if he wouldn't ever know about it. Breaking her teenage promise to him was one way she succeeded.


Ultimately, Maeva's frosty disposition, which served as her shield against Kiran's advances, begins to fail her. Maeva was determined not to repeat the same mistake she made nine years ago, but Kiran is a changed man, equally determined to do the same. He has explained to her, more than once, that he wants to amend things between them
Spoilerto "how it always should have been between us, had I not been such a coward"
and how he had always known, deep down, that he loved her, but was too afraid of the intensity of that love by the time he became a horde king. But none of that mattered to Maeva, out of fear of history repeating and having closed off her heart for so long
Spoilerbecause when they eventually begin a sexual relationship, she refuses to let him kiss her. When Kiran takes her by surprise one night and does so, it sparks an argument, and Kiran realizes Maeva doesn't want the sex to mean anything significant between them. He's so hurt by this he leaves the tent, right after telling her that he now understood how she felt all those years ago, when she loved him and he didn't return her feelings
.

His hurtful expression and behavior comes as a blow to Maeva. Immediately following this, she wishes her sister Laru was there with her, because "she would see what I do not". In this instance, it's clear to see what Maeva doesn't see - Kiran expressing sincere remorse for what happened almost a decade ago, and genuinely wanting to make amends and have her in his life romantically, and Maeva shutting him out as a defense mechanism, hurting him in the process. Maeva's cold attitude had blinded her to what would have been obvious to her otherwise. I thought this was really poetic, because Maeva ended up becoming the person who hurt her the most - she had begun to treat Kiran in the same manner he had treated her that fateful night, both at the feast and on the cliff side - which shows how deeply internalized her pain, anger and bitterness had become over the years.

The reconciliation between Kiran and Maeva regarding their past, as well as reminiscings between the both of them, made this book an emotional roller-coaster I was absolutely not prepared for. Admittedly, I haven't read any second-chance romance stories prior to this, but this one was done extremely well. And I found Maeva's reactions to Kiran especially realistic. Nine years worth of anger, sadness and pain manifested in many angsty and heartbreaking conversations between her and Kiran. The part where Kiran reflected that he found his morakkari, his queen, his mate and his wife when he was thirteen years old was one of the most emotionally profound things I've ever read. And Kiran himself admits that the real reason he hadn't been back to the saruk in nearly a decade was because of the overwhelming shame, rendering him unable to face Maeva again after what he did to her. That night on the cliff side haunted him for nearly a decade, and he later recalls it as "the biggest mistake of my life".

This one is a definite 5/5 stars for me. Kiran and Maeva's second-chance at love wasn't quick and easy, but the buildup to it worked well with the trope the author had in mind, as well as the cultural complexities of the Dakkari people. I already know I'm going to be thinking about this for the rest of the month. I highly suggest having a box of tissues handy if you're going to read this one, a story of two childhood friends who reconcile their past and find love again.