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I had to give myself a full night’s rest to write this review compassionately. It’s challenging to critique memoirs, especially when we’re talking about a massive loss. In this case it was the author’s parents, husband, and two children.
Let me begin by saying I have been through a natural disaster that resulted in devastating loss. A few months after, my father died unexpectedly. So, I have a little bit of an understanding when it comes to an overwhelming amount of grief and loss. When I was going through this life-altering phase, I relied heavily upon family, friends, community, and therapy. But unlike the author, I had to move on in life. I found it hard to relate to Sonali as she refused to return to the family home for 4 years to avoid dealing with her loss. (How many people get to hide from their problems?) In the meantime, she displayed immature behavior (for example, harassing the Dutch family). I hate to say it, but if she mentioned not having a cook, nanny, guard, or chauffeur one more time I was going to lose it. I understand she was trying to demonstrate how much her life had changed, but the amount of self loathing was almost more depressing than the tsunami itself.
And speaking of the tsunami, what about it? I kept waiting for historical facts about the wave, but was let down. It’s my fault for assuming this would touch on historical data. Had I not googled the tsunami while reading the book, I would have misunderstood how devastating the disaster actually was. There were over 220,000 deaths. But according to the author, she was unable to speak her truth about the event because no one had gone through what she went through. When I read that part, I almost did not finish the book. You had a whole community you could have bonded and grieved with, met other families that actually did go through the same thing, participated in searches, volunteered in the disaster area, etc. But again, it’s not about them. It’s about her. The repeated theme here is, “Why me?” But all I could think was, “Why not you?” Why do you feel so entitled that you should be exempt from tragedy?
And to add to the author stating she couldn’t speak her truth, it peeved me when years later a complete stranger would be trying to make small talk with her and she would mentally insult the stranger by calling them a cow and telling them to shut up, that they have no idea. Look, I understand you’ve been through a lot, but everyone has been through a lot. And no, no one knows your story, so take it easy. This attitude makes her hard to sympathize/empathize with. (Insert “everyone grieves differently” here. But that doesn’t excuse nasty behavior.)
Lastly, I was hoping there would be a character arc. I was hoping for the sake of the author she would have learned how to deal with her grief or informed the audience of the coping mechanisms she developed to get over this slump. Not for the sake of a happy ending, but for the sake of the author’s wellbeing. But some people are just miserable.
Let me begin by saying I have been through a natural disaster that resulted in devastating loss. A few months after, my father died unexpectedly. So, I have a little bit of an understanding when it comes to an overwhelming amount of grief and loss. When I was going through this life-altering phase, I relied heavily upon family, friends, community, and therapy. But unlike the author, I had to move on in life. I found it hard to relate to Sonali as she refused to return to the family home for 4 years to avoid dealing with her loss. (How many people get to hide from their problems?) In the meantime, she displayed immature behavior (for example, harassing the Dutch family). I hate to say it, but if she mentioned not having a cook, nanny, guard, or chauffeur one more time I was going to lose it. I understand she was trying to demonstrate how much her life had changed, but the amount of self loathing was almost more depressing than the tsunami itself.
And speaking of the tsunami, what about it? I kept waiting for historical facts about the wave, but was let down. It’s my fault for assuming this would touch on historical data. Had I not googled the tsunami while reading the book, I would have misunderstood how devastating the disaster actually was. There were over 220,000 deaths. But according to the author, she was unable to speak her truth about the event because no one had gone through what she went through. When I read that part, I almost did not finish the book. You had a whole community you could have bonded and grieved with, met other families that actually did go through the same thing, participated in searches, volunteered in the disaster area, etc. But again, it’s not about them. It’s about her. The repeated theme here is, “Why me?” But all I could think was, “Why not you?” Why do you feel so entitled that you should be exempt from tragedy?
And to add to the author stating she couldn’t speak her truth, it peeved me when years later a complete stranger would be trying to make small talk with her and she would mentally insult the stranger by calling them a cow and telling them to shut up, that they have no idea. Look, I understand you’ve been through a lot, but everyone has been through a lot. And no, no one knows your story, so take it easy. This attitude makes her hard to sympathize/empathize with. (Insert “everyone grieves differently” here. But that doesn’t excuse nasty behavior.)
Lastly, I was hoping there would be a character arc. I was hoping for the sake of the author she would have learned how to deal with her grief or informed the audience of the coping mechanisms she developed to get over this slump. Not for the sake of a happy ending, but for the sake of the author’s wellbeing. But some people are just miserable.