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A review by smacey
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. This is such an amazing portrayal of a teenage girl being groomed and subsequently abused by a man in a position of power. The manipulation and gaslighting, the convincing of it being romance and not abuse, making love and not rape, the deep, misplaced shame and guilt that comes with being groomed and sexually abused - My Dark Vanessa exposes the dark reality of how adult/child relationships that have been romanticized in popular media for ages affect those being abused, not only at the time, but for life.
I personally loved the way Kate Elizabeth Russell incorporated Lolita into the relationship throughout the entire book. I also loved her reasoning for this being that she wished when she was fourteen and found Lolita that this book had been there as well (reading the Behind the Book section increased my respect and appreciation for Russell and this book even more). Lolita is frequently framed as a love story and is told from the man's perspective, when in reality it is perverse and disturbing and puts a young girl through so much trauma. I will say, I haven't read Lolita yet, so I am probably not the best person to speak on it. That being said, it is still about a relationship between a child and a pedophile and that is enough to reason that it should not be labeled as a beautiful story of love and romance.
Russell's portrayal of dissociation and trauma response, even when experiencing a trauma that one may believe is actually not a trauma, is so spot on. Obviously anyone who has dissociated before has their own unique experience, but she captures the main aspects of it so well - the feeling of floating above your body, of seeing yourself and what is happening to you, of your mind escaping to another place. This quote felt like the perfect description of what it feels like to dissociate during a traumatic event: “She didn't understand the horror of watching your body star in something your mind didn't agree to.” The other after affects of trauma/symptoms of PTSD that Vanessa experiences are also so on point - making riskier decisions, avoidance of thoughts of the events and things that remind you of the events, uncontrollable flashbacks, having physical reactions when reminded of the event (e.g., sweating, troubles breathing), placing blame on yourself for what happened despite it not being your fault, and so many more (also the way that trauma can cause depressive symptoms as well). I'm so happy she chose to make this a first-person novel as I believe it was the best way to show how PTSD looks and feels following sexual assault.
There were so many moments throughout my time reading this book that I would relate to Vanessa, not because I have ever been abused by a teacher, but because I, as well as potentially all girls I'd argue, have been negatively affected by this culture that somehow justifies grown men pursuing young girls. It is blatant everywhere you go how men have somehow made it socially acceptable to sexualize children and young women. In music, TV and movies, books, and especially in porn, it is so wildly accepted and encouraged for men to view any and every person who is female as an object of pleasure for themselves, no matter the age. It is extremely harmful and damaging yet downplayed as being insignificant by so many. While there are so many instances that seem to so perfectly capture the feeling that all women have at some point in their life, this one is one that stuck with me and probably always will: “Somehow I sensed what was coming for me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen.” It's such a dark, disturbing reality, but it's entirely true.
The back and forth between years was enjoyable, although sometimes what parts were mentioned when in the more recent year in relation to the other timeframe seemed slightly ill-timed. That's really my only critique, though.
*SPOILER* (albeit minor)
Extra points to Russell for the depiction of the Pitbull that Vanessa adopts in the end. I also have a Pitbull-type breed dog that I rescued from the shelter who is the biggest sweetheart and immensely improves my mental health. It's so nice to see such a casual inclusion of a pibble in a book with no comparisons to other breeds or aggression but simply being described as a good dog. <3
In conclusion, this is one of my new favorite books. Read it if you have the ability to.
I personally loved the way Kate Elizabeth Russell incorporated Lolita into the relationship throughout the entire book. I also loved her reasoning for this being that she wished when she was fourteen and found Lolita that this book had been there as well (reading the Behind the Book section increased my respect and appreciation for Russell and this book even more). Lolita is frequently framed as a love story and is told from the man's perspective, when in reality it is perverse and disturbing and puts a young girl through so much trauma. I will say, I haven't read Lolita yet, so I am probably not the best person to speak on it. That being said, it is still about a relationship between a child and a pedophile and that is enough to reason that it should not be labeled as a beautiful story of love and romance.
Russell's portrayal of dissociation and trauma response, even when experiencing a trauma that one may believe is actually not a trauma, is so spot on. Obviously anyone who has dissociated before has their own unique experience, but she captures the main aspects of it so well - the feeling of floating above your body, of seeing yourself and what is happening to you, of your mind escaping to another place. This quote felt like the perfect description of what it feels like to dissociate during a traumatic event: “She didn't understand the horror of watching your body star in something your mind didn't agree to.” The other after affects of trauma/symptoms of PTSD that Vanessa experiences are also so on point - making riskier decisions, avoidance of thoughts of the events and things that remind you of the events, uncontrollable flashbacks, having physical reactions when reminded of the event (e.g., sweating, troubles breathing), placing blame on yourself for what happened despite it not being your fault, and so many more (also the way that trauma can cause depressive symptoms as well). I'm so happy she chose to make this a first-person novel as I believe it was the best way to show how PTSD looks and feels following sexual assault.
There were so many moments throughout my time reading this book that I would relate to Vanessa, not because I have ever been abused by a teacher, but because I, as well as potentially all girls I'd argue, have been negatively affected by this culture that somehow justifies grown men pursuing young girls. It is blatant everywhere you go how men have somehow made it socially acceptable to sexualize children and young women. In music, TV and movies, books, and especially in porn, it is so wildly accepted and encouraged for men to view any and every person who is female as an object of pleasure for themselves, no matter the age. It is extremely harmful and damaging yet downplayed as being insignificant by so many. While there are so many instances that seem to so perfectly capture the feeling that all women have at some point in their life, this one is one that stuck with me and probably always will: “Somehow I sensed what was coming for me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen.” It's such a dark, disturbing reality, but it's entirely true.
The back and forth between years was enjoyable, although sometimes what parts were mentioned when in the more recent year in relation to the other timeframe seemed slightly ill-timed. That's really my only critique, though.
*SPOILER* (albeit minor)
Extra points to Russell for the depiction of the Pitbull that Vanessa adopts in the end. I also have a Pitbull-type breed dog that I rescued from the shelter who is the biggest sweetheart and immensely improves my mental health. It's so nice to see such a casual inclusion of a pibble in a book with no comparisons to other breeds or aggression but simply being described as a good dog. <3
In conclusion, this is one of my new favorite books. Read it if you have the ability to.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Gaslighting, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Rape, Pedophilia, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Sexual content, Alcohol, Death, and Suicide