Scan barcode
A review by atlevine
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
5.00/5.00
TW: Sexual abuse, rape, and grooming.
If I had to sum up this book in a single phrase, I would say: It made me sick. Nauseous. It filled me with rage and sadness.
My Dark Vanessa is a fictional story about a young girl named Vanessa and her illicit relationship with her 10th-grade forty-two-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane. Lonely and desperate for friends and attention, Vanessa feels a special connection with Strane as he notices her, understands her, gives her gifts, compliments her writing, grooms her. As gifts and attention from Strane turn into sexual advances, Vanessa's love and obsession for her teacher outweigh her apprehension about the relationship.
As an adult, Vanessa is reminded daily of the relationship with Strane (which ended when she was twenty-two). However, she doesn't see herself as a victim of sexual abuse as many tell her she was. She loved him, she still loves him and has convinced herself that he loved her in the same way. And of course, wasn't she a willing and active participant in their relationship? She dreamt about him, she encouraged his advances, she wanted his attention, she flirted, she never said no, she never said stop, she loved him. He was doing nothing wrong, Strane assured her, it was just unfortunate his soulmate was fifteen. Yet Vanessa is haunted by her past as new victims of Strane's (who were also young girls at the time of the abuse) come forward with their story.
I was shocked to realize how much I related to Vanessa, how much I saw myself in her. I have never been the victim of any kind of abuse, but that didn't matter. I was a fifteen-year-old girl at one point in my life, and Russell absolutely nailed the teenage girl experience, and how society treats teenage girls. Strane is not operating alone. He is the product of a society that exploits female (especially young female) sexuality. Maybe that's why this was so heartbreaking. You were furious at Vanessa for not realizing Strane's pedophilia and abuse was masquerading as "love," but at the same time, you couldn't help but understand exactly why Vanessa simply couldn't see it that way.
If what she and Strane had wasn't love, what did that make her? A willing participant in her own sexual abuse? A stupid naive girl who couldn't see things for what they were? A realization that maybe a huge defining point in her life was built on lies and pedophilia rather than a feeling that she was truly special?
It goes without saying the writing is excellent. The characters are real people. They make realistic and real decisions with real thought. This story highlights that not everything in life and love is so black and white, which I appreciated. Don't worry - Russell makes it very, very clear that Strane is the bad guy. This is not a love story. What he did to Vanessa and all those other girls was abuse full stop.
But Russel makes a case for those whose minds have been so wrapped by society, that they cannot see themselves as victims. It's considered brave to tell your story. To call out your abuser. But what about other girls like Vanessa's? Acknowledging their abusers isolates them in a different way.
In the end, Vanessa never comes out to the press or anyone with her story (as she is pressured to the entire novel), or truly admits that Strane's "love" was rape. There are other ways to heal.
TW: Sexual abuse, rape, and grooming.
If I had to sum up this book in a single phrase, I would say: It made me sick. Nauseous. It filled me with rage and sadness.
My Dark Vanessa is a fictional story about a young girl named Vanessa and her illicit relationship with her 10th-grade forty-two-year-old English teacher, Jacob Strane. Lonely and desperate for friends and attention, Vanessa feels a special connection with Strane as he notices her, understands her, gives her gifts, compliments her writing, grooms her. As gifts and attention from Strane turn into sexual advances, Vanessa's love and obsession for her teacher outweigh her apprehension about the relationship.
As an adult, Vanessa is reminded daily of the relationship with Strane (which ended when she was twenty-two). However, she doesn't see herself as a victim of sexual abuse as many tell her she was. She loved him, she still loves him and has convinced herself that he loved her in the same way. And of course, wasn't she a willing and active participant in their relationship? She dreamt about him, she encouraged his advances, she wanted his attention, she flirted, she never said no, she never said stop, she loved him. He was doing nothing wrong, Strane assured her, it was just unfortunate his soulmate was fifteen. Yet Vanessa is haunted by her past as new victims of Strane's (who were also young girls at the time of the abuse) come forward with their story.
I was shocked to realize how much I related to Vanessa, how much I saw myself in her. I have never been the victim of any kind of abuse, but that didn't matter. I was a fifteen-year-old girl at one point in my life, and Russell absolutely nailed the teenage girl experience, and how society treats teenage girls. Strane is not operating alone. He is the product of a society that exploits female (especially young female) sexuality. Maybe that's why this was so heartbreaking. You were furious at Vanessa for not realizing Strane's pedophilia and abuse was masquerading as "love," but at the same time, you couldn't help but understand exactly why Vanessa simply couldn't see it that way.
If what she and Strane had wasn't love, what did that make her? A willing participant in her own sexual abuse? A stupid naive girl who couldn't see things for what they were? A realization that maybe a huge defining point in her life was built on lies and pedophilia rather than a feeling that she was truly special?
“I can’t lose the thing I’ve held onto for so long, you know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story, you know? I really, really need it to be that.”
“I know,” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it”? I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
It goes without saying the writing is excellent. The characters are real people. They make realistic and real decisions with real thought. This story highlights that not everything in life and love is so black and white, which I appreciated. Don't worry - Russell makes it very, very clear that Strane is the bad guy. This is not a love story. What he did to Vanessa and all those other girls was abuse full stop.
But Russel makes a case for those whose minds have been so wrapped by society, that they cannot see themselves as victims. It's considered brave to tell your story. To call out your abuser. But what about other girls like Vanessa's? Acknowledging their abusers isolates them in a different way.