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Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
by Amy Chua
I'm so glad I gave this book a chance after having first recoiled at the (I now realize) completely out-of-context Wall Street Journal piece entitled "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior" (an article whose title she didn't choose and claims to have been dismayed by). It was her daughter's op-ed follow-up that convinced me to read the first chapter on Amazon for free, and I enjoyed it so much that I read the entire book in two days. I was, however, VERY surprised by the book, because it's not at all what its critics and naysayers would have you expect.
1. It's hilarious. Chua has a wry sense of humor that is at its most biting and self-deprecating when she turns it on herself. When it's turned on others, it's surprisingly silly and irreverent. If you read between the lines of the book and take her daughter's word for it, Amy Chua is a very funny lady. I suspect a lot of what she meant as humor, hyperbole and poking fun at her own bouts of going off the deep end were taken at face value by people whining about her "extremism."
2. There is no denying that she makes valid points: that mainstream Western parenting styles makes few to no demands on children, viewing it as the calm before the storm of adult life; that this blanket of low expectations can be very detrimental to children developmentally; that accomplishment breeds self-confidence; that people will rise to the occasion of the raised bar; that "I KNOW you can do better than this," when the person can, in fact, do better, is not criticism or verbal abuse, but just honesty; that excellence requires consistent, dedicated effort and passion; that children aren't born knowing that and that parents can be strong guides in this direction with tough love.
3. Of course she crossed a line - even she eagerly acknowledges that. The burning-the-stuffed-animals incident doesn't faze me as much as it seems to horrify other people. How many parents have made half-crazed empty threats when all else has failed? I seriously doubt she would've set all her kid's toys on fire, evidenced by the fact that her daughter didn't believe her, either. It's just that people say nutty things when pushed to a wall. In this case, Chua is so ferociously dedicated to her babies, for whom she repeatedly says (and shows) that she would give up and do anything for, that she pushes herself against the wall. But there's a strong thread of love for her girls throughout the book.
4. This is not a parenting handbook, but a memoir of one daughter of immigrants struggling to pass on her values and do right by her family in a culture she doesn't mesh with entirely. But mesh, she must, and she does, even if it hurts a little. "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" is an account of one woman's social-experiment-cum-personal culture war, and realistically, no side really wins; there are merely truces and paths to peace, tenuous though it may turn out to be. The book isn't self-congratulatory at all; quite the contrary, and Chua's candid accounts of her wins and losses were endearing in their earnestness and sincere desire to do the best possible job raising her kids.
5. There is a lot of love, determination and devotion running through this book. Like all mothers, Chua makes mistakes, but like all mothers, she hopes her best intentions and the good times make up for them and that her daughters will appreciate what she did for them when they have a broader, older perspective. I think they probably will. The afterword is very telling - they are just as frank and honest with her about her book and their portrayal in it as she is about everything else. And did I mention the book is laugh-out-loud funny, even when talking about cancer, broken bones (NOT inflicted by her!) and dog poop? Her daughter's eloquent op-ed defense mentioned that she thought a lot of people freaking out over the book either a) hadn't read it or b) didn't get her sense of humor, and I can't help but agree.
1. It's hilarious. Chua has a wry sense of humor that is at its most biting and self-deprecating when she turns it on herself. When it's turned on others, it's surprisingly silly and irreverent. If you read between the lines of the book and take her daughter's word for it, Amy Chua is a very funny lady. I suspect a lot of what she meant as humor, hyperbole and poking fun at her own bouts of going off the deep end were taken at face value by people whining about her "extremism."
2. There is no denying that she makes valid points: that mainstream Western parenting styles makes few to no demands on children, viewing it as the calm before the storm of adult life; that this blanket of low expectations can be very detrimental to children developmentally; that accomplishment breeds self-confidence; that people will rise to the occasion of the raised bar; that "I KNOW you can do better than this," when the person can, in fact, do better, is not criticism or verbal abuse, but just honesty; that excellence requires consistent, dedicated effort and passion; that children aren't born knowing that and that parents can be strong guides in this direction with tough love.
3. Of course she crossed a line - even she eagerly acknowledges that. The burning-the-stuffed-animals incident doesn't faze me as much as it seems to horrify other people. How many parents have made half-crazed empty threats when all else has failed? I seriously doubt she would've set all her kid's toys on fire, evidenced by the fact that her daughter didn't believe her, either. It's just that people say nutty things when pushed to a wall. In this case, Chua is so ferociously dedicated to her babies, for whom she repeatedly says (and shows) that she would give up and do anything for, that she pushes herself against the wall. But there's a strong thread of love for her girls throughout the book.
4. This is not a parenting handbook, but a memoir of one daughter of immigrants struggling to pass on her values and do right by her family in a culture she doesn't mesh with entirely. But mesh, she must, and she does, even if it hurts a little. "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" is an account of one woman's social-experiment-cum-personal culture war, and realistically, no side really wins; there are merely truces and paths to peace, tenuous though it may turn out to be. The book isn't self-congratulatory at all; quite the contrary, and Chua's candid accounts of her wins and losses were endearing in their earnestness and sincere desire to do the best possible job raising her kids.
5. There is a lot of love, determination and devotion running through this book. Like all mothers, Chua makes mistakes, but like all mothers, she hopes her best intentions and the good times make up for them and that her daughters will appreciate what she did for them when they have a broader, older perspective. I think they probably will. The afterword is very telling - they are just as frank and honest with her about her book and their portrayal in it as she is about everything else. And did I mention the book is laugh-out-loud funny, even when talking about cancer, broken bones (NOT inflicted by her!) and dog poop? Her daughter's eloquent op-ed defense mentioned that she thought a lot of people freaking out over the book either a) hadn't read it or b) didn't get her sense of humor, and I can't help but agree.