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A review by dee_dreams
Out of Love by Hazel Hayes
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
When I was recommended this book, I had no clue who Hazel Hayes was. I still know next to nothing about her. Apparently, she's a YouTuber, and Out of Love is her debut novel. She's also quite a good writer. In Out of Love, there are passages that drip with so much beauty and bittersweetness that I needed to take a deep breath and read them twice. There are conversations which made me laugh out loud. There are a few corny and quotable lines which seem like something 17-year-old me would reblog on Tumblr and tag #truth—and I would say it upped the entertainment factor.
However, once I reached the middle of the book, I found it kind of hard to get back into. Not just because of the holiday season but, because, well, spoiler alert: they break up in the end... which is actually the beginning. This is a novel told in reverse. So where do we go from there? A happy ending is out of the picture, so we spend our time looking back on the big and the little things which contributed to the fall of the narrator and Theo's relationship. This story of disappointment and heartbreak is also told from a first-person perspective. Frankly, the narrator sounds kind of whiny at times. And the worst part is, the events in this book feel so real that reading the narrator dwell on them reminded me of the times I've cringed and cackled and cried and obsessed over memories of me and my ex. Needless to say, Out of Love is frustrating.
Some chapters are heartfelt, insightful, and engaging. Others make you roll your eyes as the narrator recounts various tales of her ex's douchebaggery. Thankfully, we end up learning more about him throughout the novel, which makes him a lot more interesting than most other characters. Most characters are not given much depth beyond the narrator's relationship with them. I found this super annoying about Maya, who, although she was super cool, was only in the story when the main character needed someone to cry to. (Even at the family dinner after Theo's grandmom's funeral? ...why?) Sure, she has Darren, but they really serve only as an ideal relationship for the narrator to compare her own to. Other than that, the vast majority of characters in this story just flicker in and out. There is only one chapter where this is meaningfully explored (it's probably one of the best chapters too.)
A couple of times, I noticed Hayes would write a metaphor. A good metaphor. Then she'd repeat the metaphor. (Even though it was an obvious metaphor.) And explain to us, "This is a metaphor." Yeah, there is some tell-and-not-show in this book. One of the most jarring exampleswas the end of "Are You A Banana?" (which was a really good chapter). We already know the narrator has mental health struggles, something which Hayes portrays beautifully in the beginning of the Paris chapter. However, the end of "Banana" takes a weird turn in which the narrator seems to break the fourth wall and reiterate what will happen in the future (which we already know, since the book is written in reverse), as well as names the exact, specific mental disorders she will be diagnosed with. It's a brief moment in the book, but it particularly stands out to me because it was such an uncharacteristic break from the narrative that it completely broke my immersion. It sounded almost like Hayes wrote down some notes for herself as she was writing and forgot to erase them. Other than that, some details in the book felt so realistic and so specific that they seemed autobiographical. That doesn't negate from the story-telling at all—it's just something I noticed. In fact, I think these made me feel more sympathy for the narrator.
Last but not least, Out of Love's most obvious quirk: the love story told in reverse. While looking back on this slowly-dying relationship can get ugly at times, I feel like the reverse narrative is effective in showing us the main character's growth. As I looked into the narrator's past, I gained more appreciation for the woman I met at the beginning of the novel. And while the story begins with disappointment, the end of the novel leaves me very hopeful for the narrator's future.
So, Out of Love is an imperfect novel about imperfect people in an imperfect relationship. It's tender. It's bittersweet. It's very raw. (Some may be put off by that.) Overall, I enjoyed it. While some parts were hard to read, I'm glad I stuck it out to the end. The last few chapters were simply lovely. And again, there really were some pieces of Hayes' writing that were so beautiful. Plus, there's a guy named Flaubert, and that alone is enough to make me consider this story worth my time.
However, once I reached the middle of the book, I found it kind of hard to get back into. Not just because of the holiday season but, because, well, spoiler alert: they break up in the end... which is actually the beginning. This is a novel told in reverse. So where do we go from there? A happy ending is out of the picture, so we spend our time looking back on the big and the little things which contributed to the fall of the narrator and Theo's relationship. This story of disappointment and heartbreak is also told from a first-person perspective. Frankly, the narrator sounds kind of whiny at times. And the worst part is, the events in this book feel so real that reading the narrator dwell on them reminded me of the times I've cringed and cackled and cried and obsessed over memories of me and my ex. Needless to say, Out of Love is frustrating.
Some chapters are heartfelt, insightful, and engaging. Others make you roll your eyes as the narrator recounts various tales of her ex's douchebaggery. Thankfully, we end up learning more about him throughout the novel, which makes him a lot more interesting than most other characters. Most characters are not given much depth beyond the narrator's relationship with them. I found this super annoying about Maya, who, although she was super cool, was only in the story when the main character needed someone to cry to.
A couple of times, I noticed Hayes would write a metaphor. A good metaphor. Then she'd repeat the metaphor. (Even though it was an obvious metaphor.) And explain to us, "This is a metaphor." Yeah, there is some tell-and-not-show in this book. One of the most jarring examples
Last but not least, Out of Love's most obvious quirk: the love story told in reverse. While looking back on this slowly-dying relationship can get ugly at times, I feel like the reverse narrative is effective in showing us the main character's growth. As I looked into the narrator's past, I gained more appreciation for the woman I met at the beginning of the novel. And while the story begins with disappointment, the end of the novel leaves me very hopeful for the narrator's future.
So, Out of Love is an imperfect novel about imperfect people in an imperfect relationship. It's tender. It's bittersweet. It's very raw. (Some may be put off by that.) Overall, I enjoyed it. While some parts were hard to read, I'm glad I stuck it out to the end. The last few chapters were simply lovely. And again, there really were some pieces of Hayes' writing that were so beautiful. Plus, there's a guy named Flaubert, and that alone is enough to make me consider this story worth my time.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, and Eating disorder
Moderate: Alcoholism, Biphobia, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse