A review by watson_my_shelf
We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter by Celeste Headlee

3.5

 I learned a lot about conversations from this book, especially how I converse with people. There were a lot of takeaways for me from this. I had so many "aha" moments from Celeste's recounting of her personal experiences. I learned better ways of listening, and better ways for responding to those I am speaking with. I have really been reflecting on a lot of the points Celeste makes in this book. Highly recommend for anyone. It is a little preachy at points, but that's self help for you.

“Being a good talker doesn’t make you a good listener. And being smart might make you a terrible listener.” 

 

“A good conversation is not necessarily an easy one” 

 

“Listening to someone doesn’t mean agreeing with them. The purpose of listening to understand, not to endorse.” 

 

In uncomfortable conversation, defaulting to a conversation you are comfortable with: yourself. She uses example of talking about her own dads death when her friend is grieving and friend gets upset. Turns attention to yourself. “Conversational narcissism” shift versus support response. 

 

“The more comfortable you are, the more difficult it is to empathize with the suffering of another” 

 

“If the point of a conversation is to engaged someone else so you can have an effective and enlightening exchange, the trivialities can quickly become counterproductive “ 

 

“We talk to someone because we want to say something, not because we want to hear”