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A review by plantbasedbride
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
dark
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
“I can’t lose the thing I’ve held onto for so long, you know?” My face twists up from the pain of pushing it out. “I just really need it to be a love story, you know? I really, really need it to be that.”
“I know,” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it”? I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
My Dark Vanessa is not a love story. It is the disquieting tale of a young woman suffering from the trauma of being sexually abused and manipulated by her high school English teacher, held hostage to his needs, groomed, and gaslit into believing she was the instigator. These first sexual experiences, repeated rape and abuse, inform her relationship with herself and her sexuality for decades to come. She cannot see her tormentor for what he truly is, and it's heartbreaking.
I can't say I enjoyed reading this book. It's more apt to say that I was drawn in and unable to look away despite my disgust. It is similar to Lolita in that way and references Nabokov's novel many times as Vanessa clings to a representation of her lived experiences, romanticizing them as a way to cope. Though the subject matter is incredibly upsetting, Russell's writing is raw, stark, and well structured. She draws us into Vanessa's mind and lays her trauma and denial bare for all to see.
My Dark Vanessa is a commentary on the sexualization of young girls and the double-edged sword that is the #metoo movement. It asks us to take a hard look at how we perceive teenage girls and why we, as a society, tend to put the blame on them (as victims and minors) over adult men who perpetrate violence upon them. It is painful, bleak, and all too familiar.
“Somehow I sensed what was coming for me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen.”
“I know,” she says.
“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it”? I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”
My Dark Vanessa is not a love story. It is the disquieting tale of a young woman suffering from the trauma of being sexually abused and manipulated by her high school English teacher, held hostage to his needs, groomed, and gaslit into believing she was the instigator. These first sexual experiences, repeated rape and abuse, inform her relationship with herself and her sexuality for decades to come. She cannot see her tormentor for what he truly is, and it's heartbreaking.
I can't say I enjoyed reading this book. It's more apt to say that I was drawn in and unable to look away despite my disgust. It is similar to Lolita in that way and references Nabokov's novel many times as Vanessa clings to a representation of her lived experiences, romanticizing them as a way to cope. Though the subject matter is incredibly upsetting, Russell's writing is raw, stark, and well structured. She draws us into Vanessa's mind and lays her trauma and denial bare for all to see.
My Dark Vanessa is a commentary on the sexualization of young girls and the double-edged sword that is the #metoo movement. It asks us to take a hard look at how we perceive teenage girls and why we, as a society, tend to put the blame on them (as victims and minors) over adult men who perpetrate violence upon them. It is painful, bleak, and all too familiar.
“Somehow I sensed what was coming for me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Pedophilia, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Suicidal thoughts