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A review by vsmyan
They Called Us Exceptional: And Other Lies That Raised Us by Prachi Gupta
5.0
I wasn't sure about this book at the start - the use of the second person address, the constant conjectures about what others were thinking and feeling. But by the end of the book I was definitely drawn in, and even if I think they can be heavy handed sometimes I think they're sincere and meaningful. Gupta has a way of drawing out how the web of racial and gendered narratives intersects with individual beliefs and motives, so that we can see how we latch on to forms of meaning in the face of struggle. It's been a long time since I thought about the question of identity in Asian American studies so it was also a powerful reminder of why the work we do in this field matters to bring clarity to our lives, that the elements of "culture" are selected and constructed to have meaning as we navigate the experience of minoritization.
I particularly liked some of the turns of phrase Gupta used. The idea that "society [was] a little ill, too, for normalizing" privilege and hierarchy, was a really interesting thought. Same for how she described her relationship to Indian culture as feeling "almost as appropriative... a performance rather than something I inhabited authentically." I empathize with thread, but I think it's useful to remember that culture is always being remade, and that diasporas calcify a memory of "culture" in conservative ways while the homeland continues to change without similar self-consciousness and self-policing. So the idea of an authentic culture is sort of bunk. We make our culture and our meaning how we want. Whether that's liberating or anxiety producing, I don't know.
I did find it interesting that Gupta found an Indian American therapist to be so helpful. The one time I saw a culturally competent therapist, I felt precisely that they were trying to slot my words into a narrative of how Asian American families have been analyzed, and I hated being put into a box as if that would explain and solve things, instead of listening to our particular situation and hearing my story rather than the elements that they thought fit correctly into some other story. I think there are powerful throughlines that help explain much of what we experience, but not all families of whatever background are the same.
In the end what I take away from this is a reminder to think intentionally about what values I want to impart to my children, as well as the awareness that society will mold them in ways I can't control but can, hopefully, have a meaningful commentary and interpretive framework to offer them.
I particularly liked some of the turns of phrase Gupta used. The idea that "society [was] a little ill, too, for normalizing" privilege and hierarchy, was a really interesting thought. Same for how she described her relationship to Indian culture as feeling "almost as appropriative... a performance rather than something I inhabited authentically." I empathize with thread, but I think it's useful to remember that culture is always being remade, and that diasporas calcify a memory of "culture" in conservative ways while the homeland continues to change without similar self-consciousness and self-policing. So the idea of an authentic culture is sort of bunk. We make our culture and our meaning how we want. Whether that's liberating or anxiety producing, I don't know.
I did find it interesting that Gupta found an Indian American therapist to be so helpful. The one time I saw a culturally competent therapist, I felt precisely that they were trying to slot my words into a narrative of how Asian American families have been analyzed, and I hated being put into a box as if that would explain and solve things, instead of listening to our particular situation and hearing my story rather than the elements that they thought fit correctly into some other story. I think there are powerful throughlines that help explain much of what we experience, but not all families of whatever background are the same.
In the end what I take away from this is a reminder to think intentionally about what values I want to impart to my children, as well as the awareness that society will mold them in ways I can't control but can, hopefully, have a meaningful commentary and interpretive framework to offer them.