A review by geraldine
The Fowl Twins by Eoin Colfer

2.0

i forgot what these books were like. in a word: bad

the writing style...... when you're 15 you have different standards

hot takes under a spoiler cut so this review can look short and i can pretend i had no other thoughts on it

Spoiler

i have not recently and WILL not reread any of the other books but the one thing i remember liking from rereading the original in like 2009(ISH) was that while artemis himself is truly insufferable it's clear that he's a little child with no parents aside trying desperately to act more grown up to mask how sad and lonely he is (which is why at the end he makes the deal with holly heal his mom) and i wish we got more of that with myles. i mean he has a family who loves him and seems to be active in his life but but he's literally an 11 year old child who is putting all this pressure on himself for no reason. he's a baby! he gets shot point blank with a shotgun!! little guy should go to therapy

despite this myles is even more insufferable than anyone else in his family and i kind of hate him. sorry buddy

do you think artemis ever sits in his horrible backyard homemade mars rocket and goes "i think i have accidentally turned my baby brother into the worst most insufferable version of himself" and butler goes "uh yeah obviously, why did you only realize this now" and artemis goes "he maxed out all my credit cards buying ubers and 500 replacement suits"

i hope holly gets a bunch of long relaxing vacations where she can drink magic beer and just chill for a while. turn her phone on silent. wear her mirror sunglasses and watch the sunset

i haven't mentioned him but beckett is a manic pixie dream boy without the pixie or love interest. that's all there is to say on the matter

just realized this is only the second artemis fowl without pages and pages and PAGES of fart and shit jokes. can't wait for the sequel where it's revealed that mulch diggums is beckett's godfather