A review by smalltownbookmom
Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir by Rebecca Carroll

5.0

A powerful, heart wrenching, coming of age memoir about race and identity and the challenges of being biracial as one of the only Black people in a rural New Hampshire town. Adopted by white hippie parents, Rebecca Carroll was born to a white mother and a Black father (who was unknown for most of her life). She grows up “being ushered through [her] life via the powerful passport of white privilege,” with little connection to her Black culture. She does connect with her birth mother in her teens but their relationship is incredibly toxic and damaging. The real takeaway I felt for this memoir was how damaging the notion of color blindness is: “It wasn’t just that my siblings and parents didn’t see me. It was that they didn’t see race or think about Blackness - mine or anyone else’s - and I felt like I deserved that at the very least. To be adopted into a white family that did not see or care or think about my Blackness or my experience navigating a racist country had always felt lonely and isolating, endlessly confusing but now it just felt cruel.” It takes her going to college and finding a Black professor as a mentor and making Black friends to really start to develop a sense of belonging. I honestly couldn’t get over how toxic and damaging her relationship with her birth mother was. The dysfunctional family dynamics were reminiscent of Educated or North of normal, with the extra layer of race added to the mix. This should be required reading and will be a needed eye-opening for many about the power of micro-aggressions and the harmful consequences of unintentional (and intentional) racism.