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hakberdi 's review for:
Betting On You
by Lynn Painter
Actual Taylor Swift references tally: 13 — I really hate you now, Lynn Painter, I see what you did there.
My TS references tally: 16 (14 for it being “13” and 2 Kansas City Chiefs mentions) — with all due respect, can you chill the fuck out or fucking [redacted: kys]? Even the most braindead fans of blondie saw you through: you were using her just to get the attention from the fandom. It doesn’t make you sound or look cool, Lynn.
Reading Lynn Painter’s books is like eating out at the fancy burger restaurant/local: you know that the food is somewhat bad for you, but yet it’s so tasty, so filling and was made by a professional with top-tier ingredients: well-explored main characters, good plot stakes sandwiched between the top-notch-recently-baked-from-a-French-boulangerie buns of banter.
“Betting on You”, however, is not even a McDonald’s-level trash. It’s a bootleg McDonald’s ghost kitchen-level trash.
It’s absolutely OK to be formulaic and repeat the certain things you’ve already explored and written that you know have worked out pretty well for you. Hell, The Do-Over had your signature Taylor Swift/let’s-make-the-most-insufferable-milquetoast-playlist-full-of-mainstream-songs-to-pander-to-the-fans-and-make-them-happy type of writing. Here though, the only good present signature Lynnpainterism was the banter. It was really well done, but the rest of the book?
It could’ve turned out better if it were shorter. Babes, you just rewrote Better Than the Movies lazily and forgot to actually add your charming voice. Your bonus chapters of other books had more life and planning than this piece of boring, overbloated literature. You wrote so many inner dialogues but never developed either of the main characters. No one changed, the third-act breakup was so unbelievably forced, and the ending was rushed and took only 30-40 pages. You have got to be kidding me.
[note: 10-minute version at a karaoke night? I would personally kill anyone for doing that]
Can you please, for the love of god, fucking [redacted again: kys] stop torturing me with her, Lynn?
Another thing I want to mention: you really stooped low by finally using “he growled/moaned/smirked.” You never did that so excessively before. I find that it really cheapens your text. Oh, and Charlie is way too gay-coded. He’s basically Bailey/Liz with some typical “macho”/misogynistic characteristics, just to make SURE that HE IS A BOY.
I’m so refunding this audiobook.
[all those “kys” are not call-to-action, don’t actually kill yourself, it’s simply my visceral reaction to the text]
My TS references tally: 16 (14 for it being “13” and 2 Kansas City Chiefs mentions) — with all due respect, can you chill the fuck out or fucking [redacted: kys]? Even the most braindead fans of blondie saw you through: you were using her just to get the attention from the fandom. It doesn’t make you sound or look cool, Lynn.
Reading Lynn Painter’s books is like eating out at the fancy burger restaurant/local: you know that the food is somewhat bad for you, but yet it’s so tasty, so filling and was made by a professional with top-tier ingredients: well-explored main characters, good plot stakes sandwiched between the top-notch-recently-baked-from-a-French-boulangerie buns of banter.
“Betting on You”, however, is not even a McDonald’s-level trash. It’s a bootleg McDonald’s ghost kitchen-level trash.
It’s absolutely OK to be formulaic and repeat the certain things you’ve already explored and written that you know have worked out pretty well for you. Hell, The Do-Over had your signature Taylor Swift/let’s-make-the-most-insufferable-milquetoast-playlist-full-of-mainstream-songs-to-pander-to-the-fans-and-make-them-happy type of writing. Here though, the only good present signature Lynnpainterism was the banter. It was really well done, but the rest of the book?
It could’ve turned out better if it were shorter. Babes, you just rewrote Better Than the Movies lazily and forgot to actually add your charming voice. Your bonus chapters of other books had more life and planning than this piece of boring, overbloated literature. You wrote so many inner dialogues but never developed either of the main characters. No one changed, the third-act breakup was so unbelievably forced, and the ending was rushed and took only 30-40 pages. You have got to be kidding me.
“Karma was supposed to be a cat, dammit, not this.”
“I was in the middle of drawing eyeliner tails (sharp enough to kill a man, of course)….”
“What song?” Clio asked, using a remote to turn on the karaoke machine after we climbed on top of the dining room table. Everyone started yelling out suggestions, and then Charlie said, “‘All Too Well.’ The ten-minute version.”
[note: 10-minute version at a karaoke night? I would personally kill anyone for doing that]
Can you please, for the love of god, fucking [redacted again: kys] stop torturing me with her, Lynn?
Another thing I want to mention: you really stooped low by finally using “he growled/moaned/smirked.” You never did that so excessively before. I find that it really cheapens your text. Oh, and Charlie is way too gay-coded. He’s basically Bailey/Liz with some typical “macho”/misogynistic characteristics, just to make SURE that HE IS A BOY.
I’m so refunding this audiobook.
[all those “kys” are not call-to-action, don’t actually kill yourself, it’s simply my visceral reaction to the text]