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ashlightgrayson's reviews
733 reviews
Life on Mars by Tracy K. Smith
mysterious
slow-paced
3.0
Smith's poetry is beautiful in its own right. The poem's follow a girl's journey in a science fiction setting in space. I think this is one of those poetry collections that requires a reread for me. I had moments where I had trouble staying focused because each poem felt like it jumped around a lot even if it was still a part of the same thread. I'm definitely interested in reading more of Smith's poetry after this to see how her writing has evolved.
Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar
challenging
dark
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Listening to this was a stark reminder that some people live in small insulated religious bubbles. I have no doubt that Jill and her siblings grew up feeling very loved by their parents. However, the overprotectiveness that they experienced growing up definitely became suffocating in adulthood. Fundamelist religions typically don't like it when people start asking too many questions or challenging beliefs. Jill got a lot of push back once she started defying the tenets she was raised with. This defiance definitely helped her grow as a person and have the ability to share her experiences through this book, though.
I have qualms with the ethics of signing children up to be on reality shows. It becomes even more problematic when this kids are literally growing up on live television and have little say in how much privacy they get in their own homes. Additionally, it was unreasonable to me that Jills'father was getting all of the proceeds from their reality show without being transparent with them about the finances. Her husband and her weren't compensated for their time on the show and were financially dependent on Jill's father for quite a while. I'm glad that at least Jill found emotional support in her husband. He seems like a great guy based on the way she wrote about him, so good for her.
There is a common thread of creating emotional and financial codependency within fundamentalist religious groups. It's how a lot of them retain members. They create a sense of family that is isolated from the rest of the world, which makes it that much harder to choose to leave. The religious messaging Jill received was overall damaging for her, in my opinion. There is a part of the book where she talks about mustering the courage to wear pants in front of her family. Who knew pants could be so controversial for women? It's so odd from an outside perspective seeing someone have so much guilt associated just with what they choose to wear. She even felt the need to ask her husband his opinion about pants before she even took the dive. It's crazy to think that her family was so hyperfixated on what women were allowed or not allowed to wear, but not on the sexual abuse perpetrated by the church leaders they associated with and their own son. The priorities are just so skewed.
On a more positive note, Jill seems to have found a middle ground that makes her happy when it comes to her beliefs. She has respectfully distanced herself from her parents, which I think was probably the healthiest move. Her husband and her seem to have a common understanding of how they are growing in their personal religious beliefs, which is great for them. I'm happy that she is in a better place with her current family. I just also think it's unfortunate she had to go through so many hurdles to find a sense of independence because of the indoctrination of her parents. This was an interesting read overall. The audiobook is narrated by the author and I am happily able to recommend that version of the book.
I have qualms with the ethics of signing children up to be on reality shows. It becomes even more problematic when this kids are literally growing up on live television and have little say in how much privacy they get in their own homes. Additionally, it was unreasonable to me that Jills'father was getting all of the proceeds from their reality show without being transparent with them about the finances. Her husband and her weren't compensated for their time on the show and were financially dependent on Jill's father for quite a while. I'm glad that at least Jill found emotional support in her husband. He seems like a great guy based on the way she wrote about him, so good for her.
There is a common thread of creating emotional and financial codependency within fundamentalist religious groups. It's how a lot of them retain members. They create a sense of family that is isolated from the rest of the world, which makes it that much harder to choose to leave. The religious messaging Jill received was overall damaging for her, in my opinion. There is a part of the book where she talks about mustering the courage to wear pants in front of her family. Who knew pants could be so controversial for women? It's so odd from an outside perspective seeing someone have so much guilt associated just with what they choose to wear. She even felt the need to ask her husband his opinion about pants before she even took the dive. It's crazy to think that her family was so hyperfixated on what women were allowed or not allowed to wear, but not on the sexual abuse perpetrated by the church leaders they associated with and their own son. The priorities are just so skewed.
On a more positive note, Jill seems to have found a middle ground that makes her happy when it comes to her beliefs. She has respectfully distanced herself from her parents, which I think was probably the healthiest move. Her husband and her seem to have a common understanding of how they are growing in their personal religious beliefs, which is great for them. I'm happy that she is in a better place with her current family. I just also think it's unfortunate she had to go through so many hurdles to find a sense of independence because of the indoctrination of her parents. This was an interesting read overall. The audiobook is narrated by the author and I am happily able to recommend that version of the book.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Religious bigotry, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Toxic relationship, and Sexism
Black Clover, Vol. 16 by Yûki Tabata
adventurous
dark
emotional
5.0
All I have to say to this is that I wasn't ready. There are huge plot twists involving the leader of the Midnight Sun in this volume. A lot of changes happen very slowly, and then all at once it feels like. I don't mean to say anything feels rushed. In fact I appreciate the pacing. It felt like a tsunami that slowly built up and then came crashing down all at once with a lot of loose ends unraveling in the process.
The battle between the Wizard King and the leader of the Midnight Sun was probably the most interesting part of the volume. Yami shows up at the end o the battle. By that point, everything is emotionally riveting and is a bit of a tear jerker. We don't see the Wizard King and Yami interact often, but when we do it's very easy to tell how close they are. It's reminscent of a father-son relationship. The Wizard King supported Yami when no one else did and Yami definitely came through with his potential. Yami's character is almost a foreshadowing of Asta's futureLet's hope that Yami doesn't follow in the Wizard King's footsteps and die too, because he is one of my favorites and I might cry . I'm looking forward to seeing how Asta's journey mirrors Yami's as far as beating the odds. This is a new pivotal point in the story. The entire status quo is going to be changed and that is both exciting and nerve wracking.
The battle between the Wizard King and the leader of the Midnight Sun was probably the most interesting part of the volume. Yami shows up at the end o the battle. By that point, everything is emotionally riveting and is a bit of a tear jerker. We don't see the Wizard King and Yami interact often, but when we do it's very easy to tell how close they are. It's reminscent of a father-son relationship. The Wizard King supported Yami when no one else did and Yami definitely came through with his potential. Yami's character is almost a foreshadowing of Asta's future
Content Warnings
Graphic: Blood and Death
Moderate: Violence
I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
This book coul not have a more eye catching and fitting title. Mccurdy adds a light hearted sense of humor to the more tragic and upsetting recollections of her childhood experiences. At times the tone is almost childish, reminding the reader that she experienced all of this trauma as a child. Her abusive mother is an overbearing presence in Jennette's life. Her influence lingers even after her death, affecting Jennette's self-esteem and how she engages in romantic relationships in her life.
Jennette had a very traumatic background, both because of her upbringing with her mother and her experiences in the professional acting industry. Thankfully, she was able to find help through therapy and carved out her own identity separate from the one her mother created for her. Part of what made it difficult for Jennette to form her own identity is that she was forced into the identity her mother carved out for her. Acting was her mother's dream, not Jennette's. Her eating disorder plays a large part in how she copes with her trauma through adulthood. I was very happy to see how supportive and understanding her therapist was considering what an odd experiece growing up as a child star is. I appreciated that the way she describes the progression of her eating disorder is not a straight chronological path to recovery. It's clear that mental illness, including eating disorders, ebb and flow. She relapses plenty, and that is the norm for mental illness and eating disorders. She also details aspects of her obsessive compulsive disorder that still manifest for her today. These mental health patterns are not harmful or intrusive in the way they were before she got help, but they are still very much a part of her.
She is raw in her exploration of the work and hurt that it took to a much healthier place. I feel this will be healing to anyone who has been subject to abuse, especially by a parent. One of the best reads of the year for me. I listened the audiobook partially and also think it's a good one.
Jennette had a very traumatic background, both because of her upbringing with her mother and her experiences in the professional acting industry. Thankfully, she was able to find help through therapy and carved out her own identity separate from the one her mother created for her. Part of what made it difficult for Jennette to form her own identity is that she was forced into the identity her mother carved out for her. Acting was her mother's dream, not Jennette's. Her eating disorder plays a large part in how she copes with her trauma through adulthood. I was very happy to see how supportive and understanding her therapist was considering what an odd experiece growing up as a child star is. I appreciated that the way she describes the progression of her eating disorder is not a straight chronological path to recovery. It's clear that mental illness, including eating disorders, ebb and flow. She relapses plenty, and that is the norm for mental illness and eating disorders. She also details aspects of her obsessive compulsive disorder that still manifest for her today. These mental health patterns are not harmful or intrusive in the way they were before she got help, but they are still very much a part of her.
She is raw in her exploration of the work and hurt that it took to a much healthier place. I feel this will be healing to anyone who has been subject to abuse, especially by a parent. One of the best reads of the year for me. I listened the audiobook partially and also think it's a good one.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Eating disorder, Child abuse, and Sexual harassment
To Free the Captives: A Plea for the American Soul by Tracy K. Smith
emotional
hopeful
reflective
slow-paced
3.0
I appreciated the poeticism of the prose in Smith's narrative. However, the timeline of events is difficult to follow because it is so vague. There is some chronology to the stages of her life she explores, particularly pertaining to her marriages and romantic relationships. Other than that, she often goes off on tangents pertinent to the United States' relationship to race. She sprinkles in anecdotes about her family. Her father was a very important figure in her life. Her love and admiration for her father, especially in relation to how far race relations have come since his upbringing, are palpable in the text. I appreciated these anecdotes the most. I'm a history buff, and reading about how history affects people directly through their families is always interesting to me. As a mixed Afro Latinx individual myself, I can also relate to those parts of the narrative. Smith ties her own story into the overall narrative of the black experience within the United States. It makes her story more personal. I just would have wanted the narrative to be a bit more cohesive and tighter knit. It reads more like a long poem written in prose rather than a memoir. However, I think that this is also a matter of preference. As a disclaimer, I listened to the audiobook, so maybe this something that would have read better if I had physically read the book. Overall, it is an interesting read, though, and I would recommend it as an experimental read
Content Warnings
Moderate: Racism
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
This was such a beautiful peace of work. I have always wanted to, but have never read, a work by Coates before this. All I can say is that I was missing out. His writing is poetic yet impactful. I do recommend the audiobook format as it is read by the author and that format really captures the emotion behind every written word in this work. The narrative is told from the perspective of a father speaking to his son. There is so much love here, but it also a warning. A warning to a son about how society will treat him based on his skin tone. It is a history lesson of how throughout history black bodies have been abused and used. It elaborates on the current injustices that exist in our society based on a historical bias that has continued to be perpetuated. We continue to pay the consequences of the ignorance and prejudice that has been passed down from the rich white elite in the United States and around the world. I don't own a physical copy of this book, but I definitely plan on getting one so I can reread this and annotate. One of the best reading experiences I had this year. 5/5 stars for me.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Racism
The Woman in Me by Britney Spears
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
slow-paced
4.0
This memoir expands upon how Britney Spears has been taken advantage of by both the music industry and her family. She was also a victim of sexism and mysoginy that was especially rampant in the music industry in the early 2000s. Some of the recollections of what the media, other female artists, and even the men she dated said about her was uncomfortable to read. Her family life was tumultous, according to Britney, which wasn't surprising to me. Children with troubled childhods seem to have a proclivity for ending up in the industry and being used and abused. It was disheartening seeing her describe how selfish and entitled her family became after she started really earning money.
She spends a lot of time talking about her romantic partners as well. I wish the timeline for a lot of her relationships was more clear cut. It was hard to keep track sometimes of the length of her relationships or when certain events happened within them. Her relationship with Justin Timberlake is one of the most iconic. She mentions how important the familial support she got from his family was, but doesn't go into detail beyond that. I wish she had because it would have painted a clearer picture of her relationship with him and maybe would have explained why she stayed in such a terrible relationship for so long. She goes into detail about a miscarriage she had while with Justin. A lot of people in their 20s make insensitive decisions, but serenading your girlfriend with a guitar while she's miscarrying is a whole other level of dense to me.
The most fascinating aspect of her story was her elaboration of what was happening in her life when she opted to shave her head. She was undergoing a child custody battle with then ex-husband Kevin Federline and lost both physical and legal custody. She then shaved her head as a way to cope and the media made her out to be crazy. It seems horrible to be so stuck in the limelight that people can't even let you grieve in peace. Her mental breakdown is a lot more undestandable in retrospect. It's just terrible how women are villainized for doing something like shaving their heads, which would be seen as perfectly normal if a man did it.
Despite a lot of the negative aspects, there is still a sense of hope in Britney's story. It was touching seeing how much she cares about her children. It's clear that she had a strong passion for dancing and singing when she started doing it professionally. It's really all the turmoil and exploitation that has unfortunately dimmed her love for music and dance. Her long history with relationships where partners have failed or betrayed her has also made it more difficult for her to trust people again. Now that she is free of her conservatorship, I hope that she is able to find some peace and contentment. This is an interesting read even if you are not a fan of Britney Spears. It reveals a lot about the negative aspects of the music industry as well as the huge failings of the justice system, specifically for individuals in conservatorships. As a society it is clear that we have not yet stopped weaponizing the "crazy woman" trope against women in real life. We still have a long way to go, and Britney's story showcases that.
She spends a lot of time talking about her romantic partners as well. I wish the timeline for a lot of her relationships was more clear cut. It was hard to keep track sometimes of the length of her relationships or when certain events happened within them. Her relationship with Justin Timberlake is one of the most iconic. She mentions how important the familial support she got from his family was, but doesn't go into detail beyond that. I wish she had because it would have painted a clearer picture of her relationship with him and maybe would have explained why she stayed in such a terrible relationship for so long. She goes into detail about a miscarriage she had while with Justin. A lot of people in their 20s make insensitive decisions, but serenading your girlfriend with a guitar while she's miscarrying is a whole other level of dense to me.
The most fascinating aspect of her story was her elaboration of what was happening in her life when she opted to shave her head. She was undergoing a child custody battle with then ex-husband Kevin Federline and lost both physical and legal custody. She then shaved her head as a way to cope and the media made her out to be crazy. It seems horrible to be so stuck in the limelight that people can't even let you grieve in peace. Her mental breakdown is a lot more undestandable in retrospect. It's just terrible how women are villainized for doing something like shaving their heads, which would be seen as perfectly normal if a man did it.
Despite a lot of the negative aspects, there is still a sense of hope in Britney's story. It was touching seeing how much she cares about her children. It's clear that she had a strong passion for dancing and singing when she started doing it professionally. It's really all the turmoil and exploitation that has unfortunately dimmed her love for music and dance. Her long history with relationships where partners have failed or betrayed her has also made it more difficult for her to trust people again. Now that she is free of her conservatorship, I hope that she is able to find some peace and contentment. This is an interesting read even if you are not a fan of Britney Spears. It reveals a lot about the negative aspects of the music industry as well as the huge failings of the justice system, specifically for individuals in conservatorships. As a society it is clear that we have not yet stopped weaponizing the "crazy woman" trope against women in real life. We still have a long way to go, and Britney's story showcases that.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny, Cursing, Sexism, and Miscarriage
17 minutos: Entrevista con el dictador / 17 Minutes. An Interview with the Dicta tor by Jorge Ramos
dark
informative
reflective
sad
5.0
Tiene una capacidad admirable el autor de hacer sentir al lector que está viviendo los eventos de su recuento. Admiro mucho al equipo de Univision por mantenerse fuertes en sus convicciones. Me alegra saber que el público tiene acceso ha esta entrevista. El mismo régimen de el dictador de Venezuela hundió su imágen pública.
Fue escalofriante ver todas las estadísticas que provee Jorge Ramos pertinente a los presos políticos en Venezuela. Estoy segura que desde esta entrevista la lista solamente incrementa. La expresión libre de opiniones es la verdadera amenaza hacia las dictaduras. Ellos saben eso, y por lo tannto hacen todo por oprimirlo.
Debo expresar que estoy de acuerdo con la opinión de Jorge Ramos que los problemas que tiene latinoamerica son mejor resueltos por los propios ciudadanos de sus respectivos países. Históricamente, intervenciones de afuera han fracasado. Además, al fin y al cabo, las consecuencias negativas de estas intervenciones las termina pagando el pueblo latinoamericano. Es importante empoderar a nuestros pueblos a poder defender sus derechos humanos y de expresión libre. Como una vez escribió Simón Bolivar, "Yo deseo más que otro alguno ver ver formar en Ámerica la más grande nación del mundo, menos por su extensión y riqueza que por su libertad y gloria".
Fue escalofriante ver todas las estadísticas que provee Jorge Ramos pertinente a los presos políticos en Venezuela. Estoy segura que desde esta entrevista la lista solamente incrementa. La expresión libre de opiniones es la verdadera amenaza hacia las dictaduras. Ellos saben eso, y por lo tannto hacen todo por oprimirlo.
Debo expresar que estoy de acuerdo con la opinión de Jorge Ramos que los problemas que tiene latinoamerica son mejor resueltos por los propios ciudadanos de sus respectivos países. Históricamente, intervenciones de afuera han fracasado. Además, al fin y al cabo, las consecuencias negativas de estas intervenciones las termina pagando el pueblo latinoamericano. Es importante empoderar a nuestros pueblos a poder defender sus derechos humanos y de expresión libre. Como una vez escribió Simón Bolivar, "Yo deseo más que otro alguno ver ver formar en Ámerica la más grande nación del mundo, menos por su extensión y riqueza que por su libertad y gloria".
Making a Scene by Constance Wu
Specifically, the line where she says "I had to protect them". I have had this sentiment before with my parents. Like Wu's parents, they are intelligent, hardworking, and have all of my respect. Unfortunately, when you are perceived as an immigrant that does not speak English well in the United States all of that respect is no longer merited in some people's eyes. It is unfair, but it is accurate and often puts us, their children, in a position where we have to grow up too fast. We have to take on the role of caregiver in order to protect them from being humiliated for factors out of their control.
Wu speaks extensively on her relationships with men throughout the book, both in a professional and romantic capacity. Her narratives around some of her romantic relationships are vaguer than others. It is definitely not the focus of the book. However, it does give insight to what she learned about herself in the context of those relationships. Additionally, she shares details about both her more positive experiences with them men in her life and the more #MeToo adjacent ones. It is unfortunate that sexual abuse towards women is so commonplace, but it not surprising. Her experience on Fresh Off the Boat especially was disturbing to read, but I'm glad she had the space here to tell it.
The narrative of her experiences is relatable and feels authentic, like listening to a friend talk to you about their life. The writing is easily digestible but holds emotional depth and impact. I personally am not an avid follower of Constance Wu, but still found her story compelling and would recommend this memoir if you are looking for a good one to pick up.
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
5.0
This was such a compelling walk through Constance Wu's experiences in Hollywood as a first generation child of Chinese immigrants as well as a woman. I am first generation myself and there were many moments that I could relate to. There is one quote in particular that hit me hard that she wrote in page 84 as follows:
Parents are generally smarter and more experienced than their kids. But there’s this thing that sometimes happens with the kids of immigrant parents. There’s a tacit understanding that because your parents didn’t grow up in America, they don’t get American stuff. My sisters and I either taught our parents about American problems, or we just handled them ourselves. My parents would not have understood a Mrs. Kantor type—the charm of her brashness, the way it overpowered everything else. I also thought that she’d use their foreignness, their very accents, to discredit me further. Nonimmigrant Americans often equate accented English with a lack of intelligence. But my parents are educated and smart. They can write in English beautifully with clear grammar. But their spoken accents are strong to some. I knew Mrs. Kantor would hear their accents and think they were stupid. I wasn’t going to let anyone think my parents were stupid. I had to protect them. That’s why I never told them.
Specifically, the line where she says "I had to protect them". I have had this sentiment before with my parents. Like Wu's parents, they are intelligent, hardworking, and have all of my respect. Unfortunately, when you are perceived as an immigrant that does not speak English well in the United States all of that respect is no longer merited in some people's eyes. It is unfair, but it is accurate and often puts us, their children, in a position where we have to grow up too fast. We have to take on the role of caregiver in order to protect them from being humiliated for factors out of their control.
Wu speaks extensively on her relationships with men throughout the book, both in a professional and romantic capacity. Her narratives around some of her romantic relationships are vaguer than others. It is definitely not the focus of the book. However, it does give insight to what she learned about herself in the context of those relationships. Additionally, she shares details about both her more positive experiences with them men in her life and the more #MeToo adjacent ones. It is unfortunate that sexual abuse towards women is so commonplace, but it not surprising. Her experience on Fresh Off the Boat especially was disturbing to read, but I'm glad she had the space here to tell it.
The narrative of her experiences is relatable and feels authentic, like listening to a friend talk to you about their life. The writing is easily digestible but holds emotional depth and impact. I personally am not an avid follower of Constance Wu, but still found her story compelling and would recommend this memoir if you are looking for a good one to pick up.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Sexual assault and Sexual harassment
Minor: Racism
Black Clover, Vol. 15 by Yûki Tabata
adventurous
funny
lighthearted
4.0
This was a satisfying conclusion to the Royal Knights exam arc. We are introduced to a new character, Mereleona, who seems incredibly interesting. I'm hoping we get o know here more in the upcoming arc. The next arc will be focused on attacking the base for the Eye of the Midnight Sun. I'm looking forward to seeing some infiltration and sneaking going on. Maybe we'll get some odd pairings for characters working together again.