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crispycritter's reviews
237 reviews
Only the Clonely by Ruby Dixon
Did not finish book. Stopped at 88%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 88%.
This book makes me want to compliment Ice Plant Barbarians 🥴
Get In My Swamp by G.M. Fairy
1.0
I love a bad book but there wasn’t much that was entertaining about this other than the premise - a Shrek fanfic.
Donkey is reimagined as Donny - a centaur and attempted rapist. Beck aka Shrek is hot (how could you) and eats people (but only the uggos). And we hate Lord Farquaad aka Lawrence the fiancée because he’s banging his sister. Liona is an atrocious person. Even a hot swamp ogre deserves better than a Liona. What is going on here.
Additional negative stars for the writing - was this written by an 11 year old who accidentally watched a porno? At least it was short.
Donkey is reimagined as Donny - a centaur and attempted rapist. Beck aka Shrek is hot (how could you) and eats people (but only the uggos). And we hate Lord Farquaad aka Lawrence the fiancée because he’s banging his sister. Liona is an atrocious person. Even a hot swamp ogre deserves better than a Liona. What is going on here.
Additional negative stars for the writing - was this written by an 11 year old who accidentally watched a porno? At least it was short.
The Heiress and the Orc by Finley Fenn
Did not finish book. Stopped at 66%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 66%.
So very bad for so many reasons. The writing (say and one more time, lady). The homophobia. The doormat with no agency and no backbone. The lies on lies on lies.
Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman
Did not finish book. Stopped at 5%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 5%.
In 2011 Edith Zimmerman wrote a borderline creepy article about Chris Evans for GQ Magagzine. People joked that if she added 50k words and a happily ever after to the article it'd make a great romance novel. I didn't realize that the GQ article was the (uncredited) inspiration for Funny You Should Ask.
Eighteen pages in and things weren't really clicking for me, which is why I will be eternally grateful for folks who write extensive negative reviews of books. Sometimes it makes you go oh, I will definitely like this. And other times (like here), it's confirmation that I don't need to suffer through a book just to say I finished it.
Eighteen pages in and things weren't really clicking for me, which is why I will be eternally grateful for folks who write extensive negative reviews of books. Sometimes it makes you go oh, I will definitely like this. And other times (like here), it's confirmation that I don't need to suffer through a book just to say I finished it.
Gentling the Beast by L.V. Lane
Did not finish book. Stopped at 58%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 58%.
My tolerance for poor quality writing in monster romance is high - but this sounds like it was written by a horny adolescent using their best old-timey voice.