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crispycritter's reviews
416 reviews
Double Apex by Josie Juniper
Did not finish book. Stopped at 34%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 34%.
Started off strong and then crashed and burned *uh huh* get it? It’s a car pun.
Phaedra is an irredeemable asshole and Pick Me™️, F1 Dracula doesn’t respect women’s boundaries despite his sister being trafficked as a child, the content warnings vaguely refer to this as “past childhood abuse” (that’s an incredibly vague way to warn readers), and OH YEAH we get the swoonworthy line “Are you fertile?” Be still my heart.
I’m sure some people will like this book. It was very much not for me.
Phaedra is an irredeemable asshole and Pick Me™️, F1 Dracula doesn’t respect women’s boundaries despite his sister being trafficked as a child, the content warnings vaguely refer to this as “past childhood abuse” (that’s an incredibly vague way to warn readers), and OH YEAH we get the swoonworthy line “Are you fertile?” Be still my heart.
I’m sure some people will like this book. It was very much not for me.
Deja Brew by Celestine Martin
Did not finish book. Stopped at 6%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 6%.
Not vibing with the writing at all.
One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig
Did not finish book. Stopped at 22%.
I tried to read this on my kindle and listen to the audiobook and the audiobook narrator I did not like. At all. I don't hold that against the book, but just know that at times I thought this lady was joking with her whiny character voices. She was not.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 22%.
I don't understand the hype around this book. This is a copypasta of so many other fantasy romances I've read.
- Elsbeth isn't nearly a strong enough character to match the Nightmare / make things interesting. Her primary character traits are (1) being hot but not knowing it; and (2) being a passive wet blanket and letting things happen to her.
- Ravyn (straight to jail) is every other dark-haired broody love interest who is already far too interested in Elsbeth. His eye color is given about as much page time as actual world building.
- I can just tell the romance is going to swallow the plot whole - the plot being the Pokemon quest to collect all the magical tarot cards. Can't forget the repetitive breaks for nursery rhymes - er clunky nursery sometimes rhymes.
- And the setting / worldbuilding - a random kingdom hemmed in by a deadly mist where everyone is named after trees. It's small and underdeveloped, existing on ~vIbeZ~. It makes me want to compliment Stephanie Garber on her sexy candyland setting in the OUABH series, because like - if we're going to run of vibes alone, can we not get a bit more vibes please? Garber full-assed the vibes. Gillig watched that one X Files episode and that M. Night Shyamalan movie and said "good enough, let's repackage."
I'm always grateful for the time and detail folks put into critical reviews, because I feel comfortable DNFing this TikTok darling as my issues don't appear to get resolved. Life is too short to read mid books, even if they have beautiful special edition versions with sprayed edges.
I tried to read this on my kindle and listen to the audiobook and the audiobook narrator I did not like. At all. I don't hold that against the book, but just know that at times I thought this lady was joking with her whiny character voices. She was not.
Love You a Latke by Amanda Elliot
Did not finish book. Stopped at 20%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 20%.
Not vibing with Abby and this writing. Feels very Lifetime original holiday movie.
I'm not super surprised Abby's business is failing. She seems - not so great at customer service. And not particularly self-aware.
I'm not super surprised Abby's business is failing. She seems - not so great at customer service. And not particularly self-aware.
Delilah Green Doesn't Care by Ashley Herring Blake
3.0
This book started out strong and could have been an excellent romance. I adored AHB’s writing in theory and felt like she did an amazing job of creating messy characters you didn’t always like but emotionally connected to. But the narrative choices made me scratch my head and ultimately made my reading experience just “meh.”
By the middle of the book, the romance between Delilah and Claire was completely overshadowed by other relationships: Astrid’s relationship with Spencer and Claire’s relationship with Josh were massive plot points of a sapphic romance, which felt weird. It was such a weird choice to make it seem like Claire just couldn’t help but have sex with Josh when they were alone together, hence the need for Delilah, Astrid and Iris’s presence on the camping trip. This is a romance novel about Claire and DELILAH. Why am I worried as a reader she still wants to jump her ex’s bones?
As others have pointed out, Claire and Delilah’s relationship was driven by the action of others and conflicts were solved not through conversations but strange plot devices (discovering a diary that reveals a tight-lipped character’s innermost thoughts from childhood! How convenient!)
Overall, while I appreciated AHB’s ability to write really deep and complicated interpersonal relationships, a lot of these relationships overshadowed the primary romance.
Delilah and Claire’s relationship was the least interesting relationship in this book and felt mostly sexual. I just didn’t get why they were paired up together.
By the middle of the book, the romance between Delilah and Claire was completely overshadowed by other relationships: Astrid’s relationship with Spencer and Claire’s relationship with Josh were massive plot points of a sapphic romance, which felt weird. It was such a weird choice to make it seem like Claire just couldn’t help but have sex with Josh when they were alone together, hence the need for Delilah, Astrid and Iris’s presence on the camping trip. This is a romance novel about Claire and DELILAH. Why am I worried as a reader she still wants to jump her ex’s bones?
As others have pointed out, Claire and Delilah’s relationship was driven by the action of others and conflicts were solved not through conversations but strange plot devices (discovering a diary that reveals a tight-lipped character’s innermost thoughts from childhood! How convenient!)
Overall, while I appreciated AHB’s ability to write really deep and complicated interpersonal relationships, a lot of these relationships overshadowed the primary romance.
Delilah and Claire’s relationship was the least interesting relationship in this book and felt mostly sexual. I just didn’t get why they were paired up together.
Cruel Winter with You by Ali Hazelwood
5.0
It’s the same exact book Ali Hazelwood writes but shorter! Thank you, I’ll have another.
Merry Ever After by Tessa Bailey
4.0
Another unhinged Tessa Bailey romance. This one about a hot farmer whose thighs are so big they bust out of off-the-rack jeans. *swoon*
Be warned -there’s at least one daddy screamed out in fligrante delicto
Be warned -
Pickleballers by Ilana Long
1.0
DNFed at 208/56%
Quite possibly one of the worst romances I’ve read in a long time. This was everything that is cringey and cliche about early 2000s rom coms, with a heroine who was quirky for quirky’s sake. The prose was so quippy it was unpleasant. Meg couldn’t have a conversation with Ethan where she wasn’t zoning out and thinking about his manicured nails, cargo shorts, and unmentionables. This often felt like a travelogue where our narrator explained the PNW, including , bizarrely, the history of the Japanese-American exclusion and internment, which felt wildly out of place and was another painful point of cringe. If you’re gonna bring up one of the darkest points of American history in a rom com, ya know, do something with it - don’t use it as window dressing to bump up your page count. And finally, the use of pickle to modify other words. I’d call them pickle puns, but they’re not. Everything about this picklereading experience picklehurt me, other than the snarky annotations I left in the paperback I unfortunately bought.
Quite possibly one of the worst romances I’ve read in a long time. This was everything that is cringey and cliche about early 2000s rom coms, with a heroine who was quirky for quirky’s sake. The prose was so quippy it was unpleasant. Meg couldn’t have a conversation with Ethan where she wasn’t zoning out and thinking about his manicured nails, cargo shorts, and unmentionables. This often felt like a travelogue where our narrator explained the PNW, including , bizarrely, the history of the Japanese-American exclusion and internment, which felt wildly out of place and was another painful point of cringe. If you’re gonna bring up one of the darkest points of American history in a rom com, ya know, do something with it - don’t use it as window dressing to bump up your page count. And finally, the use of pickle to modify other words. I’d call them pickle puns, but they’re not. Everything about this picklereading experience picklehurt me, other than the snarky annotations I left in the paperback I unfortunately bought.
How My Neighbor Stole Christmas by Meghan Quinn
Did not finish book. Stopped at 16%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 16%.
I got bored, I dunno. I just wanted to read about someone getting a candy cane stuffed in a non-FDA approved orifice, but I didn’t want to have to suffer to get there.