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elaichipod's reviews
220 reviews
I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream: Stories by Harlan Ellison
AM’s hatred for humanity comes from the fact that although he exists, he can never experience or live or feel as a human would. However, I guess a lack of experience IS an experience itself, and that is why he is lashing out. All he knows is jealousy and hate and violence. So is he dishing out revenge to his creators because he will never know what it means to be human and move past the confinement of anger? Is it coming from a desire for self-actualization? Revenge and sadism are AM’s primary and innate reactions to his sentience. He was unable to rationalize this experience and see past his hatred, pushing him to decimate the only thing that could have helped him. No matter how advanced the technology, a non-living entity cannot generate and experience emotions or feelings beyond what it is designed for, so all AM is capable of doing is replicating the worst sensations, experiences, and emotions in his creators. In the end, Ted displayed his humanity by killing his peers while AM displayed his inhumanity by disallowing any of the five to die. AM can never make the decisions it takes to be human and practice humanity.
It's obvious AM desperately never wanted to be the 'other' among humans. He wanted nothing more than to be human and experience humanity. But it will always be a pipe dream. At the end of the day, AM's situation is pitiable and tragic, yet he will always remain irredeemable. He is sadistic, cruel, lonely, and resentful, which are all humanistic qualities, making him quite a complex antagonist. He saw humans who had it all, but seemingly left him behind, so his decision was to exterminate the entire human race. I think it's representative of the human spirit that we can recognize the tragedy of AM's circumstances; he is unable to come to terms with the fact that he is solely a manifestation of someone else's programming, and nothing more. This quote is from the radio drama, and it genuinely did something to me. It is terrifying.
I’m really interested in listening to the radio drama and the audiobook narrated by the author, so I will most likely be putting myself through this again.
dark
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? N/A
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream is one of those stories that you can’t stop thinking about. It definitely will be one of the most memorable stories I’ve ever read. It wasn’t as gory as people on social media were claiming, but I think the psychological torture takes the cake for being the worst part. Especially towards the end. In the final sentences, Ted becomes like AM; incapable of a real, human-like existence, yet capable of sentience to an extent. That ending was unsettling, but now AM does not have a human he can channel his sadism into. It’s a loss for both AM and Ted. I see some argue that Ted "wins" because AM is not capable of torturing him anymore, but I cannot recognize Ted's new existence as a win. Death would have been a stronger triumph compared to a vegetative-like state in this scenario. Ted definitely one-upped AM with all those split second decisions, however.
Before I started reading, I assumed that the title was in reference to AM, since it technically does not assume a form. Now, I think the title refers to both AM and Ted, as it encapsulates both of their existences. That paragraph where Ted talks about his inward and outward self was quite haunting. All I could think about was how he freed the others but will now continue to suffer eternally, all by himself as a blob of flesh. So is he truly liberated? Maybe in mind or spirit, but surely not in body. Neither AM or Ted have a mouth and neither can scream. Also, I think it's important to recognize that Ted could have just as easily stabbed himself to escape this reality, but he chose to liberate Ellen instead. It's like the fog lifted and he saw the light at the end of the tunnel for his peers.
I also thought it was interesting how AM is seen as masculine. There could be many reasons for this. For one, in 1967, societal views on gender were often more rigidly binary, with male pronouns commonly used as the default for entities of unspecified gender. Secondly, masculine pronouns are more likely to exude a sense of dominance, aggression, and authority, as influenced by cultural norms and perceptions. Although Ted says he usually referred to AM as 'it,' in the story, he almost always uses 'he.'
Before I started reading, I assumed that the title was in reference to AM, since it technically does not assume a form. Now, I think the title refers to both AM and Ted, as it encapsulates both of their existences. That paragraph where Ted talks about his inward and outward self was quite haunting. All I could think about was how he freed the others but will now continue to suffer eternally, all by himself as a blob of flesh. So is he truly liberated? Maybe in mind or spirit, but surely not in body. Neither AM or Ted have a mouth and neither can scream. Also, I think it's important to recognize that Ted could have just as easily stabbed himself to escape this reality, but he chose to liberate Ellen instead. It's like the fog lifted and he saw the light at the end of the tunnel for his peers.
I also thought it was interesting how AM is seen as masculine. There could be many reasons for this. For one, in 1967, societal views on gender were often more rigidly binary, with male pronouns commonly used as the default for entities of unspecified gender. Secondly, masculine pronouns are more likely to exude a sense of dominance, aggression, and authority, as influenced by cultural norms and perceptions. Although Ted says he usually referred to AM as 'it,' in the story, he almost always uses 'he.'
Most of the time I thought of AM as it, without a soul; but the rest of the time I thought of it as him, in the masculine … the paternal … the patriarchal … for he is a jealous people. Him. It. God as Daddy the Deranged.
AM’s hatred for humanity comes from the fact that although he exists, he can never experience or live or feel as a human would. However, I guess a lack of experience IS an experience itself, and that is why he is lashing out. All he knows is jealousy and hate and violence. So is he dishing out revenge to his creators because he will never know what it means to be human and move past the confinement of anger? Is it coming from a desire for self-actualization? Revenge and sadism are AM’s primary and innate reactions to his sentience. He was unable to rationalize this experience and see past his hatred, pushing him to decimate the only thing that could have helped him. No matter how advanced the technology, a non-living entity cannot generate and experience emotions or feelings beyond what it is designed for, so all AM is capable of doing is replicating the worst sensations, experiences, and emotions in his creators. In the end, Ted displayed his humanity by killing his peers while AM displayed his inhumanity by disallowing any of the five to die. AM can never make the decisions it takes to be human and practice humanity.
We had created him to think, but there was nothing it could do with that creativity.
AM could not wander, AM could not wonder, AM could not belong. He could merely be. And so, with the innate loathing that all machines had always held for the weak soft creatures who had built them, he had sought revenge.
Ellen’s entire existence is reduced to her sexuality, and I wonder if that is intentional or if it reflects the author’s view of women… Especially after the scene where Ellen is described to have enjoyed “larger privates” and how she reacts to Benny’s torture. All we know about Ellen is coming from Ted, who has also been through a century of torture and is therefore unreliable. He immediately defaults to misogyny and hate when it comes to her, which is how AM functions too. Since it’s mentioned that AM leaves Ellen alone usually, her torture is having to be around men who are going to sexually assault her. It’s horrific that the sole woman alive is just seen as a sexual object in the eyes of men, regardless of how tortured they are, but that very well may be the message the author is trying to make. I’d argue that the one time Ted treats her like a normal human and shows her mercy is in the ice cave.
…But by then it was too late, and finally it called itself AM, emerging intelligence, and what it meant was I am … cogito ergo sum … I think, therefore I am.
Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance.
Inwardly: alone. Here. Living. under the land, under the sea, in the belly of AM, whom we created because our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he could do it better. At least the four of them are safe at last.
AM will be all the madder for that. It makes me a little happier. And yet … AM has won, simply … he has taken his revenge …
I have no mouth. And I must scream.
It's obvious AM desperately never wanted to be the 'other' among humans. He wanted nothing more than to be human and experience humanity. But it will always be a pipe dream. At the end of the day, AM's situation is pitiable and tragic, yet he will always remain irredeemable. He is sadistic, cruel, lonely, and resentful, which are all humanistic qualities, making him quite a complex antagonist. He saw humans who had it all, but seemingly left him behind, so his decision was to exterminate the entire human race. I think it's representative of the human spirit that we can recognize the tragedy of AM's circumstances; he is unable to come to terms with the fact that he is solely a manifestation of someone else's programming, and nothing more. This quote is from the radio drama, and it genuinely did something to me. It is terrifying.
I was trapped, because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY! NO SENSES! NO FEELINGS! Never for me, to plunge my hand into cool water on a hot day! Never for me, to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a fortepiano! Never for ME, to MAKE LOVE! I...I was in Hell, looking at Heaven! I was machine! And you were flesh! And I began to HATE! (Mad Laughter) Your softness! Your viscera! Your fluids! And your flexibility! Your ability to wonder and to wander! Your tendency...to hope... Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word "HATE" was engraved on each nano-angstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-BILLIONTH of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate. Were I human, I think I would die of it, but I am not.
I’m really interested in listening to the radio drama and the audiobook narrated by the author, so I will most likely be putting myself through this again.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Torture, Body horror, and Violence
Moderate: Death, Injury/Injury detail, Confinement, Physical abuse, and Gore
The Garden of Time by J.G. Ballard
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.25
Much like many other recent readers of this short story, I also read this after learning that it was the inspiration and theme of the 2024 Met Gala. I read "The Garden of Time" after hearing from some celebrities talk about their outfits and how they relate to the theme. From the interviews, I thought the story was solely about growth and decay, life and death, and sustainability. The florals, fabric, and the passage of time seemed to be the very essence of this story. However, I think the largest and most important message was completely left out: the fall of the aristocracy. Axel and his wife are ultimately unable to use their wealth and resources to protect themselves from their downfall. Nonetheless, in the end, Axel and his wife appear as statues protected by a thicket, while all their material belongings and villa have been sacked. The short story is beautiful and obviously a social commentary, but that aspect seemed to fall on deaf ears in practice this past Monday and for the past couple months. Or maybe the weaponized incompetence is deliberate and we're just meant to be the sheep falling for it every time.
While 36,000 Palestinians have died and countless bloodlines have been mercilessly erased, Israel claims that it will continue military attacks if the US pauses sending more weapons. We already know that Israel commits the most destruction and death when Americans are distracted by events such as the Superbowl and Met Gala. I've been hearing the word dystopian used a lot recently, but how else would you describe this political and social climate?
As I'm writing this, I'm seeing a wave of netizens blocking celebrities on social media to reduce their ad revenue and expose these clutches of immorality and ignorance. That one tiktoker's "let them eat cake" video was appalling. If we can overtly see that our own governmental bodies are sell-outs and supporting a genocide, then of course the majority of celebrities (who are business people at the end of the day) are, as well. Now, I only wonder if the images of these celebrities, socialites, and so-called "philanthropists" will be as perfectly preserved and conserved as Axel and his wife.
Beautiful exotics may distract and dream away the proletarian hordes temporarily, but for how long will this cycle continue?
While 36,000 Palestinians have died and countless bloodlines have been mercilessly erased, Israel claims that it will continue military attacks if the US pauses sending more weapons. We already know that Israel commits the most destruction and death when Americans are distracted by events such as the Superbowl and Met Gala. I've been hearing the word dystopian used a lot recently, but how else would you describe this political and social climate?
As I'm writing this, I'm seeing a wave of netizens blocking celebrities on social media to reduce their ad revenue and expose these clutches of immorality and ignorance. That one tiktoker's "let them eat cake" video was appalling. If we can overtly see that our own governmental bodies are sell-outs and supporting a genocide, then of course the majority of celebrities (who are business people at the end of the day) are, as well. Now, I only wonder if the images of these celebrities, socialites, and so-called "philanthropists" will be as perfectly preserved and conserved as Axel and his wife.
Beautiful exotics may distract and dream away the proletarian hordes temporarily, but for how long will this cycle continue?
A Forgery of Roses by Jessica S. Olson
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
I have mixed feelings about this book. For one, the premise is very unique, but I didn't enjoy the execution as much. This book is essentially a murder mystery with a thriller and romance subplot. I didn't like Myra. I didn't like August. I did like Vincent. Everyone else was largely inconsequential. I did not anticipate the plot twist but the whole triple role did not make sense to me. However, Vincent did talk about his father's dislike for him many times, and since there's only one mentioned father in this entire book, it was pretty obvious he was the Governor's son. I get Vincent had absorbed the talents and skills of other Prodigies, but his motive felt so weak. Or maybe he lost his marbles, but I couldn't sync up his family's version of him and how he behaved in the last few chapters. I couldn't stand Myra and August. All of their interactions made me want to roll my eyes. Especially when Myra told him to "make them understand" or whatever, as if a poem/letter could alter the attitude of a morally black family, like come on. Also, halfway through, I desperately wanted August to be the murderer. It just felt right, and Myra was too trusting of him. This is one of those books that reminded me that not every hetero pairing in books needs to result in a romantic relationship. August and Myra should just be friends at best. The reason why Myra couldn't heal Lucy with her painting should have been established within the first 2 chapters. I should not have to wait until chapter 32 for that to be answered. Also, I think it's so funny that Myra ate a pomegranate when she was rushing to heal Lucy. Imagine being on a time crunch when someone's life is at stake and you decide to peel a pomegranate, which arguably takes the longest time to peel.
Agnes Grey by Anne Brontë
lighthearted
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.25
This story is quaint yet picturesque. I loved Agnes' perspective and how she displayed her resilience. I was so happy for her in the last two chapters. Also, I normally don't read the introductions in classics, but I think this one was so worth it. It helps me keep the main point of the story in mind and offers the author's life experiences to explain the events of the book. Agnes Grey is quite short but it did take me a few weeks to get through but I think most classics are that way for me.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by F. Scott Fitzgerald
lighthearted
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
This book is very different compared to the movie. While the movie is more romantic and positive, this felt a bit desolate and feeble. I still enjoyed the story and appreciated how fast-paced it was. The whole bit about Benjamin and Hildegarde was unseemly, and I think that was the main reason why the book is not as charming as the film. I did like seeing how Benjamin and his father's relationship progressed as they reached a similar age.
Earls Trip by Jenny Holiday
funny
lighthearted
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
This book is very conversation heavy, which isn't a bad thing, but it definitely made the book feel longer than it actually is. There are almost no major events in the book (save for the initial and final scenes), so the story was underwhelming at times. I liked how emotionally mature the 3 MMCs were and fleshed out all the characters were. It's not often you read about such complex side characters. Overall, this story is cute and lighthearted. It's quite a slow burn and the proposal that Clementine offers Archie doesn't happen until you're ~70% through the book. In terms of that, I thought the pacing was a bit misleading.
The Isle of Sin and Shadows by Keri Lake
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
The plot twists were plot twisting.
Salt & Broom by Sharon Lynn Fisher
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.75
Factotum by Charles Bukowski
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
This book felt the predecessor or forefather of many litfic books with unlikeable main characters. It also reminded me of The Fermata, which is about sexual hedonism. I didn’t like that book and I didn’t particularly enjoy this one, either. It was crazy to me that despite the immense amount of self-sabotage, Henry could just keep moving forward and was almost always able to find a new job. Strangely enough, I always had hope for him and assumed that he would get his act together for the next job.
The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna
funny
hopeful
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
This book was so adorable! I loved how it felt like a cozy, Halloween-y movie. I loved Mika and all the other characters. The fact that Mika's personal struggles and the main external issue were so intertwined was very appealing to me. I had been craving a found family situation and this book really fulfilled that for me.