emmer_reads's reviews
98 reviews

We start with meeting Shrimpleton. The first paragraph(line actually) is of him finishing in a prostitutes mouth. Shrimpleton can speak but the words are only “tikichikititichichtickitich,” year somehow everyone understands him. Shrimpleton has some sort of sex pheromone, all of the women in the kingdom want to bang him even through he literally looks like a shrimp.

The princess is cursed so the king needs Shrimpleton to go to the neighboring kingdoms to figure out what they saw at the banquet. First he talks to the Princess. Now what ever you think their conversation will be, throw it out the window. The princess is only in a nightgown and believes herself and Shrimpleton to have a similar curse. To prove this the princess says, “Behold,” she said, pulling the gown up over her hips and exposing her nethers, “I am slickened of pussy!” she bemoaned. Truly, it was quite slick.” No they do not have sex(yet).

Shrimpleton sets off on his journey to the next kingdom. Queen Salva is known in the kingdom for her “prominently bubbled buttocks.” After talking about the boring stuff AKA the curse, Queen Salva strips in front of Shrimpleton saying that she requires his services and that to deny a queen is dangerous. Obviously Shrimpleton can’t keep his shrimp pee pee away from her so they do the do(wink wink). The queen instructs his to spank her. And somehow during this it exposes her chocolate starfish(gag). Shrimpleton, like most men, is enamored by this and simply cannot help himself and inserts a finger. No one likes surprises especially no consensual ones, but like the man he is Shrimpleton is solely focused on his pleasure. The Queen screams then sits on a bowl of chilled fruits. Shrimpleton has to escape her guards as she now wants to kill him.

After escaping this encounter he moves onto the next kingdom. Unfortunately for him the Duke of this estate is currently in the middle of an orgy. Shrimpleton is disgusted by what he sees, 10 couples…only having sex in missionary! This cannot do so he pushes away one of the men to show them how it is done aka doggy. The duke comes in and is upset with Shrimpleton for participating(even though I thought that was the deal with orgys) and he gets kicked out.

Next estate! The lord with 2 daughters but also has a weird punctuation boner. His youngest daughter is also facing the same symptoms the princess has. But through sheer luck she has the same mask(the Queen gave it to her) as the person who cursed Shrimpleton. Through this they figure out that the Queen is a succubus. Seemed like a weird jump to make but hey what do I know. Because Shrimpleton stayed up past curfew he is placed in the dungeon and must beat the lord at a game of archery or be tortured. The next morning the game begins. Now you would think that because the game is archery it would involve a bow and arrow, right? Wrong. It is a self pleasuring game. The lord goes first and gets off on comeuppance(I had to google it. It means punishment btw). His ‘arrows’ only go one cubit. Now it is Shrimpletons turn. He knows he won’t make it further but just using his hand so he looks through the crowd and finds a woman, makes her get on the table and uses her throat. He makes it one and a half cubit. Him and the lord shake hands and Shrimpleton is back to save the kingdom. But wait, as he is on his way through the lords house he hears a loud bang. So being the hero he is, he investigates. Turns out it is the eldest daughter and another girl pleasuring each other. Shrimpleton just cannot let the opportunity pass him by so he joins. After this he finally heads home.

He tells the king that his wife is a succubus. Apparently the only way to tell if someone is a succubus is by looking at their uvula(no you perv not down there but the back of their throat). Succubus have a writhing, snake like uvula. And of course the queen has one. She spills her villainous plan about taking over the kingdom blah blah blah. The beginning of chapter 8 is Shrimpleton speaking and no it’s not actual words it is still tickitick for like 5 paragraphs. He finds the princess and tells him if the queens plan to use her youthfulness and sex drive. To curse the princess, Shrimpleton must pleasure her into an orgasm. This doesn’t work but Shrimpleton realizes he cannot put him self first all the time, “He exhaled, lowering his head, finding peace in this final effort to satisfy Penelope and not just himself.” This breaks his curse. He is still half man half shrimp just sexy and with 2 penises. He uses these for some DP to finally bring the princess to orgasm and break her curse. This ends up killing the queen and freeing the kingdom from her evilness.

The end…wtf

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