gudeboop's Reviews (17)

First Lie Wins

Ashley Elston

3.5

adventurous mysterious tense medium-paced

Plot or Character Driven: Character

Strong character development: Complicated

Loveable characters: Complicated

Diverse cast of characters: No

Flaws of characters a main focus: Yes

The Autists: Women on the Spectrum

Clara Törnvall

4.0

challenging informative reflective medium-paced

“To have grown up with undiagnosed autism is to have suffered difficulties that didn’t exist…What if I had known sooner? How would my life have turned out? I tell myself that the alternative is impossible: during my childhood, female autists without intellectual impairment, as a recognised category, didn’t exist. No one could have given me a diagnosis. My life thus far is not a series of years lost. But still, I mourn not being able to decipher the signs before. I repressed everything that was true in me, and kept striving towards further defeat.”

—

Reading others’ reviews, I've seen valid critiques about the gender binary and borderline “aspie supremacy” that, at times, seeps into Törnvall’s writing. For example, I found myself vehemently disagreeing with her sentiments about wishing all neurotypicals could think like “us” while simultaneously agreeing with the underlying argument that we live in a disabling environment that is made more disabling by the dangerous belief that “most common” equates to “best” or “most right.” Her perpetuation of the gender binary was equally frustrating to read since it does nothing to actually challenge the roots of the skewed diagnostic tools that spurred her exploration of autism in women.

Despite this, I have yet to find a better book to relate to my own experiences navigating late-diagnosed neurodivergence as a ciswoman. Many passages in Törnvall’s book felt like an absolute gut punch. Even parts that didn’t resonate with me in their specific details still captured a sentiment that has been so hard for me to verbalize. Much like Törnvall, I had to reconcile my respect for / belief in science with the reality that the medical model is often a harmful frame for understanding autistic people. Her passages about navigating relationships and work also rang particularly true for me. But, above all, I was (and still am) drawn in by her desire to embrace her most authentic self while doggedly pursuing meaningful connection in a world that wasn't built for us.

This is a book I’d recommend to anyone who I have loved or been loved by. It isn’t a love letter, nor is it an instruction manual. However, it is a very good bridge.