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ilana_banana's reviews
345 reviews
This Is Me Trying by Racquel Marie
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Thanks to NetGalley and Feiwel & Friends for the eARC.
This was my favorite book of 2023. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it. I've read everything Racquel has published so far and it's easy to say that she's probably my favorite author. So you know I was excited about this. And somehow she exceeded my expectations, like she always does.
This book was so breathtaking. Racquel manages to write complex characters, with complex dynamics and relationships, and she does it astoundingly well. The book tackles some very heavy topics, but it is a very truthful and honest depiction of them. Every aspect of this book is well developed and explored.
There are so many things I want to talk about, but I'll try to be brief. I’ll start with the main characters, Beatriz and Santiago. I felt a lot for them. From the first page it was easy to connect with them and their emotions. This book talks a lot about grief. The pain of losing a partner, a friend or a family member, I think that exploration of grief that we can see in so many different ways, the way people cope with it and the way it affects personal relationships, feels so real and so intricate. The mosaic of emotions that the author managed to convey was amazing. I spent like half the book crying.
The relationships we read about were also part of this very layered story. Both main characters have complicated families in different ways. I really saw myself in the relationship that Bea has with her mom, the feelings that come with having a young parent. But I think I related more to Santi, I identified with a lot of what he was feeling, the realizations and memories he had throughout the story, not only about his family but also about himself. I saw a lot of myself spread across these characters, but also a lot of other things that were unique to them. Santi has OCD, and although it is not the most relevant point throughout the story, we do get to see how it affects him, which I thought adds another layer. I can't speak about the representation itself, but as far as I know, it was addressed appropriately.
Friendship is another thing we get to explore. First, the friendship between Bea and Santi in the present, how they reconnect and reconcile their past versions with the new ones. Also the friendship they had with Bryce and the bond that shapes much of the present we see. Their memories, their stories, and the echoes of Bryce are always there. The complicated history and events that occurred after his death are also shown with Bryce's siblings, Whitney and Olive, who we meet through current events and their connection to the past.
The book addresses topics of grief, mental health, healing, family and friendship. There are many things I still want to say but I don't know exactly how to put them into words. Don't read this book if you don't want to think, because I've been thinking Thoughts since I read it. I guess it made me reflect on a lot of things and feelings I've had. I know this is a story that will stay close to my heart for a long, long time. It's somehow devastating in its contents, but also hopeful in the way it examines all of these themes and creates a poignant and moving conclusion for the characters.
Please check the content warnings before reading, but this is a story I highly recommend.
Content warnings: grief, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, morbid ideation, mentions of suicide, death of a parent (off page), mentions of car accidents.
This was my favorite book of 2023. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about it. I've read everything Racquel has published so far and it's easy to say that she's probably my favorite author. So you know I was excited about this. And somehow she exceeded my expectations, like she always does.
This book was so breathtaking. Racquel manages to write complex characters, with complex dynamics and relationships, and she does it astoundingly well. The book tackles some very heavy topics, but it is a very truthful and honest depiction of them. Every aspect of this book is well developed and explored.
There are so many things I want to talk about, but I'll try to be brief. I’ll start with the main characters, Beatriz and Santiago. I felt a lot for them. From the first page it was easy to connect with them and their emotions. This book talks a lot about grief. The pain of losing a partner, a friend or a family member, I think that exploration of grief that we can see in so many different ways, the way people cope with it and the way it affects personal relationships, feels so real and so intricate. The mosaic of emotions that the author managed to convey was amazing. I spent like half the book crying.
The relationships we read about were also part of this very layered story. Both main characters have complicated families in different ways. I really saw myself in the relationship that Bea has with her mom, the feelings that come with having a young parent. But I think I related more to Santi, I identified with a lot of what he was feeling, the realizations and memories he had throughout the story, not only about his family but also about himself. I saw a lot of myself spread across these characters, but also a lot of other things that were unique to them. Santi has OCD, and although it is not the most relevant point throughout the story, we do get to see how it affects him, which I thought adds another layer. I can't speak about the representation itself, but as far as I know, it was addressed appropriately.
Friendship is another thing we get to explore. First, the friendship between Bea and Santi in the present, how they reconnect and reconcile their past versions with the new ones. Also the friendship they had with Bryce and the bond that shapes much of the present we see. Their memories, their stories, and the echoes of Bryce are always there. The complicated history and events that occurred after his death are also shown with Bryce's siblings, Whitney and Olive, who we meet through current events and their connection to the past.
The book addresses topics of grief, mental health, healing, family and friendship. There are many things I still want to say but I don't know exactly how to put them into words. Don't read this book if you don't want to think, because I've been thinking Thoughts since I read it. I guess it made me reflect on a lot of things and feelings I've had. I know this is a story that will stay close to my heart for a long, long time. It's somehow devastating in its contents, but also hopeful in the way it examines all of these themes and creates a poignant and moving conclusion for the characters.
Please check the content warnings before reading, but this is a story I highly recommend.
Content warnings: grief, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, morbid ideation, mentions of suicide, death of a parent (off page), mentions of car accidents.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Death, Grief, Child death, Mental illness, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Car accident, Suicide, Sexual content, and Death of parent