just_one_more_paige's reviews
1424 reviews

emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

And so my emotional distress, escapist, mood reading problematic steam romance binge continues. I'm reading these books in like, a single day/sitting, and they're scratching exactly the questionable itch I want them to.

Content Warnings

The Deal by Elle Kennedy

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

Look, this is not getting anything remotely resembling a "full" review. I was in a weird emotional place, which always translates over to my reading (*big* mood reader here), and when that happens, I turn to steamy, problematic (I could list the issues, but really, you know they're there going in; I'm not defending it, at all, but just...read something else if that's not what you want) romances. It happens. Pretty periodically. (I'm an emotional person.) They're quick and easy reads, page-turners, and I love the drama, the sex, the questionable "big dude/protectiveness" and "I won't give up til I win you over you" vibes, and knowing there's going to be an HEA. It always hits the spot and helps get me through the moods. Thanks for your service this time, Elle Kennedy. #sorrynotsorry

Content Warnings

Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

This was a recent ALC option from Libro.fm that caught my eye first because of the cover (I mean, tell me it doesn't pull your attention). The sci-fi ish sound of the blurb made me feel like it would be worth trying. And then I picked it up much sooner than I normally get around to "newly added to the TBR" books due to a shining review from @bibliomanicured (whose recent joining of bookstagram has shown that our reading vibes are very similar).

Adina is born, in a childbirth experience that almost kills her mother, at the exact moment in 1977 when Voyager 1 was launched into space. Growing up in Philadelphia with her single mother, Adina is an unusually perceptive and, in the parlance of the uncreative, weird, child. The reasons for this become very clear to her, one day, as she starts communicating - by fax - with her extraterrestrial relatives (the ones that sent her to Earth to investigate and decide if it is a viable option for them to live, as their planet is dying). Over the years, as she grows up and makes a life for herself on Earth, she steadily faxes observations about humanity to her "superiors," everything from the griefs to the joys to the this-aspect-of-human-life-makes-absolutely-no-sense moments. When Adina's close friend (one of her only friends), convinces her to compile and share these "dispatches" in the form of a book, Adina finds herself agreeing, and in doing so, opens herself up to finding out, for real, if she is truly as alone as she always thought.

Ok so after the first couple pages, I won't lie, I was skeptical. The writing has a rhythmic poetry style that kind of felt like it was trying hard too hard to be different/avant garde situation. I actually even noted "we’ll see if it finds a naturalness with the story or if it settles into feeling forced throughout." Very quickly, I decided that it settled quite nicely. I got into the flow and found the narrative voice to be the *perfect* fit for Adina's personality and development.

As some very recent comps, I thought this read sort of like a mix of Rouge and Chemistry. The writing was similar in style to Chemistry, a sort of smooth/controlled stream of consciousness of thoughts and observations that are seemingly random (though in this case, primarily astronomically-related), but then come around connected to each other and used to provide unique insight into humanity. With shades of Rouge, there is commentary on the ridiculousness/arbitrariness of beauty and fitting in standards, as well as an ever-present questioning of whether what you are reading is really happening, is metaphorical, and/or is in the narrator's head. In this case, the question is: Is Adina really an alien and communicating with her "superiors" on another planet OR is she neurodiverse in some way OR is Bertino just going for something weird/different for interest? I honestly couldn't say, upon finishing, and I sort of love that.

I liked the way this slightly “outside the norm" perspective really shone a light on so many of the things about humanity that are contradictory, unexplainable, and absurd. Adina's reason for spending her time making and recording these observations, passing them on to her superiors, was a great framework to allow that style of exploration and "research." There is a subtle glorification of the mundanities - anguish, delight, loneliness, anticipation, coming of age (and more) - of everyday life that can only be seen for what they are by a “normal” (unimpressive, will-be-forgotten-by-history) human, and by sending her to Earth as one of those, Adina's superiors made her a character that, for all her extraterrestrial-ness (or, if, in fact, that aspect of the story is not real, her idiosyncrasies), is actually profoundly recognizable and relatable.

I also want to quickly shout out the really cool ace rep! I haven't seen many ace characters represented in legit literary fiction (mostly YA and fantasy novels, like Elatsoe and Kaikeyi). And yes, technically this is sci-fi, but also...to be real, it's literary fiction. Like if you come in expecting traditional sci-fi, I think you'll be at least misled and at most disappointed. Anyhoo, the point I was making is that I was so excited to see Bertino show how much love there is, even without the traditional romantic/sexual love that people think of. Big appreciation for that.

So, to sum up, Beautyland is the “observe and describe all the unique weirdness of humanity by/to aliens” trope, but make it literary. Bertino captures both the softness and the resiliency of humans, and that hard-to-pin-down feeling of being separate even somewhere that you are supposed to (or are trying so hard to) belong. Emotionally evocative through a lens of removal/distance that creates a lovely literary juxtaposition and quite a compelling narrator.

“Sometimes people don’t like when other people seem happy.”

“Pollution is human pressure weighing upon the earth.”

“She doesn’t understand why she always has to be removed in order for her mother to breathe.”

“If she believed the boardwalk t-shirts, a woman was a ball or chain, someone stupid you’re with, someone to lie to so a man can drink beer. If she believed television fathers, women were a constant pain, wanting red roses or a nice dinner out. If she learned how to be a girl from songs, it was worse. If she learned from other girls, worse still.”

“…being physically present in one place while your mind is in another is loneliness.”

“It must be the opposite of homesickness, to return home to find it more beautiful, to return and still feel distance.”

“Her past passions sound tinny when clinking against the jar of time. But they add up to a stack next to her elbow, a growing collection of desire and insight that that might acquire significance if she trusts that it will.”

“…Adina realizes friendships are reincarnations. Everyone reminds her of someone she knew.”

“She and humans share a profound desire: To find other extraterrestrials and feel less alone. Is she alone? Are there others? Where are they? Where are they?”

“The more we live, the more we lose, the more we believe we are lost.”

“Good news at bad times brings no joy.”

“Perhaps she’s never been anything other than lonely. Loneliness is a composite feeling: ironically unable to exist alone. I can contain anger, hunger, fear, jealously. Adina had misidentified it for homesickness for her planet but it also meant restlessness when one is not in the place they long for.”

“Language is pitiable when weighed against experience. My deepest loves and sadnesses fell outside the realm of articulation and never reached the fax machine.”

Content Warnings

The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride

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challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This has made like, every single list of "best books" recently. But most importantly, for me, it was on the Aspen Words longlist for 2024. And while I am not necessarily trying to full-read the whole list this year, I am still using it as a guide for books that I'm thinking about trying. And so, onto the extremely long waitlist I went.

Here's what Goodreads has to say, blurb-wise: "In 1972, when workers in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, were digging the foundations for a new development, the last thing they expected to find was a skeleton at the bottom of a well. Who the skeleton was and how it got there were two of the long-held secrets kept by the residents of Chicken Hill, the dilapidated neighbourhood where, decades prior, immigrant Jews and African Americans lived side by side and shared ambitions and sorrows."

This is my first novel by McBride. And let me just start by saying, before I get into anything else, what a master of bringing people and places to life he is! The setting - time period, location, population - is brought to *life* in these pages. And these characters are all so individual, so *real* in that uniqueness. That was an unexpected highlight in a couple ways. First, because it was just so good. And the audiobook narrator did an equally phenomenal job bringing it all even further to life with his narration. And second, because, if I am being honest, the blurb makes this seem very much like a tense, covering up secrets, murder mystery style novel. And yes, there is a murder and there are secrets and there is definitely tension. But all of it is very much not presented in a typical mystery-thriller way. It's like the murder and the corpse in the well are merely a convenient excuse to introduce us, the readers, to Chicken Hill and the characters that live there. It was almost incidental to the entire novel. I mean, you do find out who the corpse is, and how it got there, and all the details around it are cleared up. And yet, those details were like a sidebar to the main event - again, the place and people - and I found I honestly wouldn't have cared if it wasn't cleared up. This is both a positive and a negative, in my opinion. I mean I was so invested in the characters that learning about their inner thoughts and daily lives and interactions was enough: great writing. But then the plot itself never took off enough to hold up or hold my interest: less ideal.

To continue to focus on the positives... The meandering sense of storytelling is, stylistically, like if someone you knew was talking to you and telling a tale. It's so easy to listen to, and you get caught up in side stories and extra bonus character descriptions and all the other added color along the way. This also allowed for some gorgeous highlighting of so many hidden/less-explored communities of history explored: the breadth of Jewish immigrant culture, northern Black America, state run mental “hospitals,” historical treatment of/for people with a variety of disabilities, and more. The intra-cultural nuances are particularly great. Groups that normally get flattened out by media and “outsiders” - Black people, Jewish people, people with disabilities, intersections/overlap therein - are given full range and depth to be individual within their greater descriptors/communities. And the feelings and alliances of these smaller intra-groups for/amongst each other is fascinating. Just, the vibrancy McBride presents is stunning.

Thematically, other than all the cultural aspects already touched on, and, of course, the murder (side) storyline, the major representations are of the racism inherent to this country. And really it's upsetting to see how little rhetoric has changed in the years between the early/mid 1900s and now. Seriously. The rhetoric of America “going downhill,” with its best days behind it, was as alive then as it is now. Just, call a spade a spade...you're racist. Pure and simple. And in many instances in this novel, as well present day, misogynist and ableist. Then there's the hypocrisy of those bragging about being Mayflower descendants (so, bragging about being an immigrant) complaining about new arrivals (also immigrants) taking their land/jobs/money and being uncultured. Like, it boggles. And then, it doesn't, because it's so damn familiar. The greater resignation to that being the landscape of the nation is rendered so well. As is the life-giving support of the connection and community amongst those who are on the outside of the white power structure. It's a lot of process in the way that the nuances and complexities of everyday life always are. To finish, let me just tip my hat to the hope that lives in the ending. I do love poetic justice. It's so damn satisfying, even if, of course, it doesn't happen as often IRL as one might want. Here's to fiction, for granting us that satisfaction.

So, yea, there is a murder here. But this is mostly just a story of people and the importance of community as family, in the way it sustains us all, our lives and our spirits. It wasn't what I expected, so that may affect some of my (or other reader's) reactions. But even still, the life in these pages was palpable and I can do nothing but respect that.

Content Warnings

Forget Me Not by Julie Soto

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emotional lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I borrowed this as an ebook from the library during a recent trip (I do love a romance read for a plane ride - they're light and quick and easy, which is exactly what I want under those circumstances), but didn't have a chance to get to it. I always overestimate how much reading I'll get done during a trip! Anyhoo, I kinda forgot about it, but when it auto-renewed, and I got the email letting me know, I was like "it's a sign!" and decided to start it right then.

Ama Torres is a wedding planner who loves weddings, but isn't so sure about marriage (seeing her mother married voter a dozen times will do that to a person). She's great at her job though, taking pride in creating the perfect fit weddings for her couples. Elliot is a florist who never really wanted that, but inherited the shop from his father and is making it his own. When a celebrity couple hires Ama to plan their wedding, the exposure is exactly what she needs to bring her small business to the next level. But there's a (not so) small problem: they're also set on using Elliot's business for flowers. And they don't know that Ama and Elloit have a history. One that they're both trying to recover from, but can't manage to stop thinking about. Between that, a film crew following them around, Ama's condescending ex-boss, and the grand scale of the wedding in question, the two are dealing with some very real personal and professional challenges.

Alright look, I, too, love weddings. I’m a sucker for the unbridled love and fun and dancing, so I’m here for this framework. And honestly, it delivered on the fun and love, though with a side of drama, instead of dancing. I am also a sucker for a good grumpy-sunshine match and Ama and Elliot deliver that bigtime. Elliot was all gruff and mumbly and tattoo-ed (a point Ama and I definitely agree on as attractive; and in this case especially so because the theme - extinct flowers - was so perfect!). And Ama was a short ball of energy and enthusiasm that threw Elliot off adorably. Loved them. And, with the dual POV, I loved experiencing them through both their own eyes and each other's eyes; the differences were heartwarming. Speaking of the dual POV: I loved the way Soto used it. The dual timeline approach, with Elliot telling about their first meeting and falling for each other, while Ama tells her story in the present tense, allowed the classic "third act breakup" trope to be present, but in a unique way. That really worked for me because I am, quite honestly, very over the fabricated reasons for that breakup. This way, we got to see both characters through their genuine "falling for the other person" and "realizing it's forever" moments, even though they happened on different timelines. Hats off to Soto for that.

Now, I will say... I get Ama's relationship issues (a hesitation about marriage with a mom who has gone through it so many times is obvious baggage). But, Elliot? Like, why his internal monologue was “I'm terrible at this” or “I'm not cool enough” never made sense to me. I kept waiting for a reveal that would explain it and never got one. Maybe just general low-confidence, and that's fine as a reason, really, but it was just never clear enough for me. However, in the end, I loved the actual finale for Ama and Elliot's relationships. They each made an emotional compromise for the other to put them, together, as a first priority. It allowed for a not-too-perfect-to-be-real ending, and was such a sweet way for them to actually change the "side" they were on, as far as providing this thing was forever/how important that was to them.

As for the rest of the plot, it was solid. There was tons of wedding planning drama that kept things interesting. There were a lot of moving parts and, while they maybe weren't all necessary to include (I don't think), I was definitely entertained. The wrap-up of a couple of those pieces coming together - Ama's toxic ex-boss and the filming of the reality show for the famous wedding - was so good. I love an appropriate comeuppance, especially for a bitchy fancy lady who is fake AF, and Soto's conclusion there was incredibly satisfying and tidy. Sort of related, I am so here for the message that you can be “unprofessional” by arbitrary/old-school standards and still be a fantastic success. I feel super strongly about that IRL. If you're good at your job, and you're personally comfortable with your boundaries, then who the hell cares what you look/dress/act like? And if it doesn't involve someone directly, then what right do they have to comment? Ugh. Anyways, it was great to see it claimed here by Ama in general and as a final “middle finger.” A last comment: I'd like to voice full-throated approval for the Ama's cat's name: Lady Cat-ryn de Purrgh. Combining puns and Jane Austen? Yes, please.

This was a solid, if not standout, contemporary romance. I enjoyed it.

"I want to love what you love, even if it’s extinct.”

"Everything is starlight for millennia."

"There’s a flower in my chest, just now starting to meet sunlight, finally blossoming."

“There’s no perfect someone for everyone. There’s just promises and weddings. One can be broken. The other—” “Is just a party,”

"You were my first relationship, and I’ve grown up knowing that you don’t only get one. But…I only want one.”

Content Warnings

The Storm We Made by Vanessa Chan

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dark emotional sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I won an ARC of this through a Goodreads giveaway, which is honestly a surprise to me because that never happens - there are so many entries for those! But yea, that was cool. Though then I waited to be able to combine reading it with listening to the audiobook, because having both is fast turning into my whole personality as a reader.

Cecily Alcantara is living in British-occupied Malaya with her mid-level bureaucrat husband and their young children, when she is approached by an undercover Japanese agent, General Fujiwara, and is pulled into helping him under the promise and dream of an "Asia for Asians," without western colonization and oversight. Who wouldn't want that? But when her assistance is successful, the Japanese occupation that follows is nothing like Cecily was promised. A decade later, Malaya is now under the foot of a new, even more brutal occupier situation. And Cecily watches as her oldest daughter Jujube, who works at a tea house visited mostly by Japanese soldiers, becomes more and more upset, as her son Abel is disappeared, with no indication of where he's gone if if he even lives, and as her youngest daughter Jasmin is confined to the basement of their home every day for her own safety/protection from the Japanese soldiers who would press her into service at a "comfort station." Through all of this, Cecily herself becomes more and more wracked with guilt, as she contemplates her own role in history and does everything in her power to protect her family.

I was originally pulled to this book after reading the blurb because of what seemed like a really unique perspective. That Cecily was trying to help make her country strong and independent, in a way I assume everyone hopes for for their nation/population, and ended up helping usher in yet another occupier, is a perspective I don't think I've ever read. And what an intriguing, and deeply heartbreaking, one it turned out to be. Let me start with that, just to be clear from the get go. There are content warnings for all sorts of violence, physical and sexual and psychological/emotional, that is very explicitly written. There were many parts of this that were difficult to read/listen to and I definitely caution readers to be careful, and know that, before picking up this book. That being said, I felt like Chan did everything she could to make it an authentic portrayal of British and Japanese-occupied Malaya, being true to history, while not indulging in anything just for easy shock value or other cheapened reasons.

The story itself was told from multiple perspectives: Cecily herself (during the period of British occupation) and all three of her children - Jujube, Abel, Jasmin - and their experiences of living under the Japanese occupation. I thought the multiple-POV style worked well for this novel, allowing the reader to learn about and get exposure to a number of different experiences of Malayan life, depending on who you were/the role you had, during these time periods. Plus, since these narratives happened in different years and/or locations from each other, this was a simple way to tell the story without forcing anything into a different kind of structure. There is also an extra bit of connection that the reader can form with characters when they are telling their own story in this way. Getting to hear from all four narrators really brought extra life to each of their perspectives, and I felt very bound to each of them, as a result.

Topically, I've already touched, a bit, on the intensity of the story. But I'd like to go a bit more in depth with my reactions to some of the themes. The biggest, most overwhelming, reactions I had were related to Cecily's POV, and the extremity of the letdown she experienced, after the promise of the future that Fujiwara sold to her. All the abuses at the hands of the Japanese, after all the hope that their overthrow of the colonial British powers brought...it’s that much worse because it came with such potential for better, for more, than what had been. And for Cecily individually, the guilt she holds cuts through everything, it ravages her, as she watches the way (in her eyes) her choices (made with the best intentions) "created" the situation (of devastating consequences) in which her children and community are suffering so much. It also just hurt so much to read, on top of everything else, how one's passions and physical attraction can harm so many beyond oneself; it felt so unfair, because it's out of your hands that you feel that way, but you have to then control that nature for the greater good/benefit/fairness of everyone around you. I felt deeply for Cecily. And yet, she also did make some choices that, really, did nothing to grow my sympathy towards her (to put it nicely). And isn't that just what being human is? So, then, obviously, as a reader, we know that, while she had a part, the roll of history would happen with or without her, and, as the victim(s), none of these abuses are her fault in any way. But as a human, we know that not how the brain or emotions actually work. We also see a cataclysmic portrayal of the myriad collateral damages of war, the choices it forces, and the “ambiguity of right and wrong when survival is at stake.” And, oh, the way that innocence, both metaphorically and literally, is the most universal, and most tragic, loss that comes from war is shown in depth and with nuance. This is wrapped up with a fine literary bow through that unspeakably tragic ending.

There was a lot of history that I haven't really been much exposed to in these pages. I am more likely than not to argue that WWII is overdone in literature these days. But, as always, and as is shown with potency here, only from a certain (white/western) perspective. This is decidedly not that perspective, and, therefore, was such a valuable read. On top of the fact that, just objectively, this is a really well-written and developed novel.

“Yet perhaps this was what a woman’s idealism is: not the reach for a utopia - everyone had lived long enough to know that perfection was beyond reach - but the need to transform one thing into something better.”

“Perhaps this is what growing up was [...] To give up one's ideals in exchange for comforts, to understand that one of these cannot exist in tandem with the other.”

“Perhaps this is what love is, she thought - a relationship that didn't require constant vigilance.”

“Or perhaps, Jujube thought, there was recognition that the first time something like this happened would be the hardest, but subsequent tragedies were supposed to get easier - like a scabbed-over wound that split open - you were already supposed to know how to feel; you did not need the salve of extended sympathy.”

“Every animal, no matter how fierce, how feral, can become a cowering shadow of itself if stoned sufficiently.”

“…she was fortunate enough to have space in her heart for empathy.”

Content Warnings

The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon

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mysterious reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

So, I got an ALC of this novel from Libro.fm, but I may not have picked it up as quickly without the recommendation/push from a library coworker. And color me glad for that, because I really liked this one! (Also, this maybe means it's time for me to finally pick up the book by Lawhon that's been on my shelf unread for years, I Was Anastasia, soon too; I have always had a soft spot for that story, thanks to the animated 1997 movie.)

It's winter 1789 in Maine when a body is found in the frozen Kennebec River and the local midwife, Martha Balalrd, is called in to examine the body. And so begins a months-long saga including a murder investigation and trial (ish) for two prominent men accused of raping a woman (one of whom is the body that was found in the river). Because Martha's role as a midwife puts her in close contact with so many in the town, and as a safe space for many major confidences, she finds that the records of it all that she keeps in her daily journal are pivotal to the search for truth (and her own efforts towards finding justice). Weaving this larger murder mystery and legal story into a thrilling narrative of small town secrets, relationship drama, Martha's own family and history, plots to grab power and land, and the prejudices that have been woven into this nation since it's very beginning, Lawhon brings to life a real page-turner of a story built around a strong, but previously under-recognized, female figure in American history.

Like I said, this was a page-turner. The narrative voice and story-telling style were so relatable and personable. I found it to be a really compelling read (or listen, as it were). This was enhanced by how steadily paced it was, with Lawhon fantastically balancing the unfolding of the dramatics of the story with historical details and interpersonal interactions. And really, it was clear from all of it how much research and effort she put into making sure the setting, the time period, and all the other specifics that make for great historical fiction world-building, were correct. Reading this made the characters and location feel as real to me as it was for these people, once upon a time. It was a wonderful experience, as far as being totally engrossing. However, it's worth noting that some aspects of the time period did make that engrossing reality a frustrating and angering one too.

To that point, let me just say... The buttoned-up notions of sexual propriety are honestly infuriating to read, even as I know we’ve come so far, those are the morals that built this country and why we struggle so much with acceptance of sexuality today still. UGH. Though props to Lawhon for juxtaposing that external/societal preference with lots of recognition of sexual activity and pregnancy before marriage. This puritanical culture shit couldn’t stop it then (and of course it couldn’t, it was just easier to hide and lie with the layers of clothing and lesser medical technology/knowledge), so why we think to try it again now with hope for a different outcome is pure stupidity. Lawhon also does a nice job making the central family, the Ballards, exemplar of something better, within the confines of the time, but also realistic. Some of the "courting" with their daughters was so endearing. I mean I love that we’re past that and girls can speak for themselves more now, but the way it's carried out here in the Ballard family it’s clear that love and safety is foremost and I can’t help but smile and swoon a bit at that. Also, a word: they do have a "acts like a more typical guy" son (no matter what the family/home is like, the influence of the greater world is always still there) and like I said, that makes them a much more relatable and realistic family, but Martha also address it in a way that gives some hope, that a family can still make inroads in counter-acting that greater societal culture. And it's those observations/reflections about people and families, that each child/characters can act in ways unique from the others and unexpected, that was such a big part of what made this read so good.

A major content warning, for any potential readers: the descriptions of rape and attempted rape and assault on a woman is a lot, and detailed. Just, be aware. And on that note, oooof the rhetoric of “would you ruin the life of a respected man, a judge/colonel/insert whatever title, on the word of a woman?” is too familiar and just enraging. And what a highlight of the unevenness of justice (weighted so much in the favor of powerful men) that has always prevailed and been a cornerstone of American history and present day. How are we not further past that kind of BS??

I have a bunch of other random details that I want to add, but that don't really go with anything else, so I'm going to smoosh them together here. First, the book smelled great. It's one of my biggest book nerd traits, loving how certain books smell, and this one was a winner. The sprinkling of Shakespearen insults throughout was so fun. They're always so creative and cutting in equal measure and I imagine saying them to/about people is as satisfying and hilarious as reading them. Look, this was unexpected for me, as in I didn't think I'd be ending this novel with a book crush, but seriously: Ephraim is my favorite new book husband (vibes similar to another deep favorite of mine, Whiskey & Ribbons, just a bit older). His words, his actions, the way he treats Martha so tenderly and sweetly and strongly supportive in a way that still allows her to stand on her own strength; ohhhh yes. Sort of on that note, this has a lovely and realistic account of the process of aging, while still owning and claiming one’s sexuality; I loved that for Martha and in general. I really enjoyed the amount of time we spent with Martha as she cared for and attended to women perinatally, and of course during childbirth (content warning here for any readers for whom that might be a concern). There was so much great insight into the experience of pregnancy and childbirth and motherhood in a way that complemented the overall story, but never overwhelmed it. The afterward was really interesting, as far as giving real historical context and explaining what was “true” and what was fictionalized or embellished about this novel. A great way to close out the reading experience.

This was not just a novel of crime and murder mystery, but a fully developed period piece as well, with many fully developed characters and relationships, and a gorgeous look at the important and far-reaching role of a midwife in the community. Honestly, just a super entertaining and well-written novel.

“A woman is never more vulnerable than while in labor. Nor is she ever stronger.”

“…pretty faces and misfortune often go hand in hand…”

“Men and death: either culprits or cowards.”

“Memory is a wicked thing that warps and twists. But paper and ink receive the truth without emotion, and they read it back without partiality. That, I believe, is why so few women are taught to read and write. God only knows what they would do with the power of pen and ink at their disposal.”

“Words can be a gift, but so can silence.”

“How is it honorable to ignore that undisputed facts that a woman was raped and is now pregnant as a result? No one denies that. They only question her word. Her account. They shout 'witness!' as though crimes such as this are ever performed in broad daylight. In the middle of a street. Evil is always done in secret. You know that. [She] is a witness!"

“There is no bringing new life into this world without pain, however, and sometimes it assaults us at both ends.”

“Men aren’t so brave in the daylight as they are in the dark.”

Content Warnings

A Song to Drown Rivers by Ann Liang

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adventurous emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

I was pretty excited to receive an ARC of this historical fantasy/folklore retelling from NetGalley (thanks to the publisher, St. Martin's Press). This particular genre mash-up is one of my favorites, in general, and especially, as in this case, when it introduces me to a mythology that I didn't previously know about. You know that as soon as I finished I went and looked up the variations of the "original" tale of Xishi, to see how this compared to the common telling(s). I love that for me. Anyhoo, my review follows.

Shoutout to Goodreads for saving me from writing all my own blurbs: "Xishi’s beauty is seen as a blessing to the villagers of Yue—convinced that the best fate for a girl is to marry well and support her family. When Xishi draws the attention of the famous young military advisor, Fanli, he presents her with a rare opportunity: to use her beauty as a weapon. One that could topple the rival neighboring kingdom of Wu, improve the lives of her people, and avenge her sister’s murder. All she has to do is infiltrate the enemy palace as a spy, seduce their immoral king, and weaken them from within. Trained by Fanli in everything from classical instruments to concealing emotion, Xishi hones her beauty into the perfect blade. But she knows Fanli can see through every deception she masters, the attraction between them burning away any falsehoods. Once inside the enemy palace, Xishi finds herself under the hungry gaze of the king’s advisors while the king himself shows her great affection. Despite his gentleness, a brutality lurks and Xishi knows she can never let her guard down. But the higher Xishi climbs in the Wu court, the farther she and Fanli have to fall—and if she is unmasked as a traitor, she will bring both kingdoms down."

Y'all, this was so good. It had all the vibes of epic historical fantasy: the world-building was fantastic (I mean, it's historical fiction as a base, so real life, but the setting/time period was brought to life spectacularly), the character development was fully dimensional and nuanced (for Xishi and Fanli, of course, but also for some of our accessory characters, like Xishi's friend/fellow agent Zhengdan and the king of Wu, Fuchai), and the storytelling flowed and was paced so smoothly. It's a slower development, but never drags. The focus on the interpersonal relationship developments, the small nuances of political machinations and playing the long game, but with all the just-under-the-surface simmering tensions that come with "spy" style infiltration stories, is done with precision and skill. And the descriptions and dialogue have a beauty and rhythm to them that is really artistic. Together, it made this a really compelling read, despite the more steady forward movement. And then, as the whole novel builds to the moment of betrayal, when it finally comes, it is - realistically - over in almost the blink of an eye. The mark of a well-planned plot (both literally and literar-ily). And those final lines though; I actually deep sighed at reading them. Just...overall, the writing and narrative are stunning.

Very importantly, the slowwwwww burn - like, the slowest of burns - between Xishi and Fanli was everything. And then their separation...excruciating! The just-barely-but-not-fully-possible of their feelings/love is written so well. Oh, my heart. And it had all the hallmarks of great historical romance (light touches, stolen glances, etc.) that are so hot, for the depth of connection/feeling they're communicating, for all that the interactions themselves are so slight. Phew. And then, this mythology did not get a "happier" ending in its retelling! I mean, let me just say, I totally respect the author for adhering to the harder version of the original, while also including an explanation for how an alternate version might also have spread (as I said, I researched while reading this and learned about the two primary ways people say this legend ended). But also, the tragedy. My heart broke to know that the foreshadowing of doom was not just a device. And after all that pining and waiting, too! I weep, I mourn the lost love. And a pox on the hardness of men with ambition they value over all else.

Thematically, Liang really dives into the cycle of war and revenge; how, at the end of the day, it's all about the honor/glory of a few men. And other than that, all the cycle does is wound and devastate on both sides, with the “regular” people paying the price(s). As Xishi spends more time in the Wu kingdom, she really starts to see how the people themselves have more in common with each other than with the leaders who use them to carry out battles and plots for their own gain. These everyday people on both sides who are just trying to live their lives, but are blinded by the propaganda of blame that then fabricates further tragedy. And yet, they cannot see that forest through the trees until, as we see with Xishi, they are given a chance to spend time with each other. Oooof what a demonstration of a universally horrific concept. Liang even does a fantastic job humanizing the leaders themselves, showing how even within the ranks of power, there are a few calling the shots and the rest holding on for dear life/reputation. The way Xishi's relationship with Fuchai develops is gorgeous with that insight and complexity. His own search for connection and meaning doesn't excuse his actions/choices, but it does add layers to his humanity that creates some really fantastic depth and nuance around a character that could easily have been one-dimensional. And it culminates impressively, at the end, with Fuchai's final request of Xishi. The conflict of her lifelong hate/grudge and the reality of his person (as opposed to the specter of him) is too good. It's heart wrenching. It’s quite literally all the feels.

I was blown away by this novel. I haven't read anything by Liang before, but knowing this is her first adult novel, and first historical novel, I am just...wow. I loved it. I hope we get more (fingers crossed: I mean, there are Four Beauties of Ancient China, after all) because it was that good.

“…my beauty was something unnatural, transcending nature itself. And that beauty is not so different from destruction.”

“Then again, perhaps there could be no normal children raised in an age of war.”

“When it came down to it, the choice was this: a kingdom, or my happiness. And how many people under Heaven were really fortunate enough to know happiness?”

“In a world where everyone will demand something from you, it requires a certain degree of selfishness to be happy, you know.”

“A feeling expanded in my chest then, like an eagle spreading its wings for the first time. Power.”

“They assumed their money protected them from everything. The ultimate injustice was that sometimes it did.”

“What better way to show that you took another person’s power seriously than to suffer for their sake?”

“In reality we were just two mortals, bound by our respective roles in history, and whatever flickered between us felt so terribly fragile compared to the immovable weight of mountains, of kingdoms, of war.”

“One cannot save the world and live in peace. That’s not how these things work.”

“How many women throughout history were blamed for the weaknesses of men? We made such convenient scapegoats. We were raised to be small, to be silent, to take whatever we were given and no more.”

“Love is a knife; it cuts both ways.”

“It was a reversal of the popular stories passed among the villagers. The beautiful girl with blood under her nails, who did not need saving from danger but was instead the danger itself.”

“Time to speak, to drop our pretenses, to ask how he was. I would not have been so happy even if he’d single-handedly plucked the moon out of the sky for me, if he’d woven me a necklace made of all the stars in the heavens.”

“…I might have called it beautiful. Beautiful not in the way of a painting or poetry, but a natural disaster: a storm, or a falling comet.”

“What is home, if not you?”

“Just as the ocean tides ebb and flow beneath the moon, empires will rise and collapse, wars will start and cease, and the rest of us will be left to struggle against the currents.”

“He smiles, and the fog lifts.”

Content Warnings

Pushout: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools by Monique W. Morris

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challenging emotional informative inspiring reflective slow-paced

5.0

I knew, when I finally picked this up, that it would be something special. It's probably why I waited so long, full of apprehension that I'd be ready for everything I'd read/learn, and unsure I'd be able to accurately express my thoughts and reactions. I wasn't wrong. And yet, as I was reading and realized I was highlighting and bookmarking like, half of the book, that spelling out all I'd learned isn't the point of this review. I'm here to tell you that it's worth the read. It's a book anyone who works with young people, in schools, or has kids, should read. And I'll give a few highlights of what Morris covers, sure. But I'll also say that there is no way I can convey the depth of knowledge and research and information and recommendation/guidance it contains. You really do have to read the whole thing for yourself.

First, a quick blurb courtesy of Goodreads, to give some context: "Just 16 percent of female students in the USA, Black girls make up more than one-third of all girls with a school-related arrest. The first book to tell these untold stories, Pushout exposes a world of confined potential and supports the growing movement to address the policies, practices, and cultural illiteracy that push countless students out of school and into unhealthy, unstable, and often unsafe futures."

Now, to "review." Morris paints a vivid picture of how the criminalization of Black girls (and insofar as research is available and allows, Morris is inclusive in her definition of girl, and the spectrum with which gender can present) leads to their puhout from school/educational environments. Throughout the book, she addresses cultural norms/beliefs about Black girls actions and attitudes, poverty and socioeconomic concerns, sexual trafficking and exploitation, biases and school policies and arbitrary enforcement of said policies, unclear school-to-school/system-to-system regulations and communication, the general lack of unique focus given to Black girls (they're more often folded in to "girls" or "Black people" without acknowledging the intersectionality of race and gender), the compressing of Black girlhood and womanhood, low expectations and an allowance for failure, a lack of solid/healthy student-teacher relationships, and many other ways perception and historical context affect the way Black girls are treated in/around school. All of this is supported by and exemplified through research (statistics), case studies and interviews.

However, Morris doesn't stop there. That is the majority of the book, and, to be quite honest, enraging. But Morris also takes the opportunity that the reader's fury creates, and provides a call to action, with suggestions for what one can do, or advocate for, to affect change on this social issue. She identifies six themes that emerged throughout her research that would allow for cultivation of higher quality and more beneficial learning environments for Black girls. These are: "(1) the protection of girls from violence and victimization in schools; (2) proactive discussions in schools about healthy intimate relationships; (3) strong student-teacher relationships; (4) school-based wraparound services; (5) an increased focus on student learning coupled with a reduced emphasis on discipline and surveillance; and (6) consistent school credit recovery processes between alternative schools and traditional district or community schools." And she provides concrete examples and recommendations to address each area (including a spectacular visual graphic bringing it all together for ease of reader intake; see p.193).

Throughout this book, Morris presents all the experiences of the girls she interviews in exactly their words, with their perspectives and experiences central and forefront (as it should be). But she also allows that we, the adults and teachers and staff working with young people, are human. We are dealing with low resources and funding and time and our own biases and sometimes must make do with what we have, which is (when working in public health and education, especially) never enough. There is a recognition of that, which is important. And yet, that does not excuse us from, at the very least, making a constant and consistent effort to counteract those first reaction biases and doing whatever is within our "power" to advocate for change and policy updates to be more culturally inclusive/competent. Morris does what she can to help us meet those goals, and provide whatever support we can to the Black girls in our orbit. Specifically, I want to highlight the Appendices. Appendix A is a few sets of common Q and A's (for girls, for parents and community members, for educators) that are so incredibly helpful and useful for getting started and bridging gaps and communicating. Freaking spectacular. Appendix B provides concrete examples of alternatives to punishment (restorative justice, in particular), along with details on how fidelity in implementation is key to success, as well as acknowledgment of the limitations of research currently in existence for these methods.

Look, this book was so good, so important. I reviewed and got research support for things I already knew and learned new things as well. It's absolutely infuriating. Be prepared. But there is also space for hope for the future. We can, and must, ask ourselves: "What assumptions are being made about the conditions of Black girls? How might Black girls be uniquely impacted by school and other disciplinary policies? How are organizations, systems, and policies creating an environment that is conducive or not conducive to the healthy development of Black girls?" I highly recommend this for anyone who works or interacts with youth, especially Black girls, in schools, the justice system, etc. Like I said, this review barely scratches the surface. Go read and learn and do for yourself.

"This book presents narratives that I hope will inspire us all to think about the multiple ways in which racial, gender, and socioeconomic inequity converge to marginalize Black girls in their learning environments—relegating many to an inferior quality of education because they are perceived as defiant, delinquent, aggressive, too sexy, too proud, and too loud to be treated with dignity in their schools."

"The “attitude” often attributed to Black girls casts as undesirable the skills of being astute at reading their location—where they sit along the social hierarchy—and overcoming the attendant obstacles. These were lessons learned through generations of struggle, and these lessons sit at the apex of what provides Black women and girls the audacity to demand being treated with dignity."

"Globally, education is by and large recognized as a key pathway out of poverty. However, not every type of education opens up that path, and the quality of education has everything to do with being prepared to thrive as an adult."

"...teaching is hard work. So is learning."

"...without intentional efforts to combat old ways and norms, schools routinely function as institutions that reproduce dominant social ideas, hierarchies, and systems of oppression."

"What can (and should) be developed and nurtured in educational settings, but almost never is, is a deeper awareness of the numerous social factors—related to race, gender, sexuality, disability status, or other identities—that have the power to trigger Black girls and shape their interactions with people in schools. Every girl is unique, but understanding widely shared experiences connected to structural forces bigger than us all would go a long way toward supporting the success and education of Black girls."

"Throughout years of talking with girls, they have consistently, in both quiet and robust ways, inquired about why their bodies are objectified and their minds dismissed."

"Histories of victimization and addiction, poor student-teacher relationships, being subject to zero tolerance and harsh discipline along with uninspired and poorly executed curriculum, and the school credit mismatch—independently and together, all these factors function to push Black girls in juvenile court schools further away from all schooling. While few would disagree that the ultimate goal is to prevent more girls from going to correctional facilities at all, more often than not juvenile court schools exacerbate the problems more than they contribute to the solutions. They should be serving as an important rehabilitative structure for detained girls."

"A school with professionals devoted to developing, not unraveling, Black girls’ academic well-being and their mental health would provide a foundation for cultivating new ways to respond to their emotional, physical, and sexual trauma so they don’t repeat mistakes (in relationships with friends, teachers, family, and sexual partners) that spiral them further into poverty, crime, addiction, violence, or worse."

"The absence of culturally competent and gender-responsive methods of teaching—approaches that respond to girls who stand at the crossroads of racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, and poverty—sets up a criminalizing pathway for girls."

"In our haste to teach children social rules, we sometimes fail to examine whether these rules are rooted in oppression—racial, patriarchal, or any other form. Ultimately such a failure undermines the full expression and learning of Black girls."

"There are no throwaway children. We can, and must, do better."

"Our nationwide culture of surveillance and criminalization is much more pervasive and life-threatening than even the largest prison. Its reach into our schools and our classrooms has reinforced latent ideas of Black inferiority and cast our girls as angry little women who are too self-absorbed and consumed by themselves and their faults to participate in school communities."

"Our responses to Black girls must embrace a strong anti-victimization narrative that produces safe learning environments—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and fosters a creative and expressive pedagogy to combat racial and gender oppression in the twenty-first century."

"Most importantly, we must all recognize that a racial justice practice without a gender-inclusive thrust is nothing more than a moot exercise. [...] This book’s exploration into the criminalization of Black girls in schools provides an opportunity to center Black girls in our discussions about zero tolerance, school discipline, dress codes, child victimization, and the impact of increasing surveillance in our nation’s public schools."

"Each of these actions is also about establishing a climate of mutual respect. Respect is the foundation for developing that relationship. Contrary to the rhetorical refrain in schools throughout the country, respect—especially in the context of schools—is not something that should first have to be earned. It’s a human right. It is about engaging each person with dignity and honoring that she or he has valid thoughts, feelings, and actions. While respect can be eroded, lost, and earned back, every child should be granted it."

"School safety is so much more than enforcement. It involves prevention, nurturing, and collaboration."

"Successful educators and students alike recognize that at the heart of their positive outcome strategy is a commitment to nurturing the relationships between everyone who is involved in the learning process. When the communication is transparent, the learning can flow. When the expectations are co-constructed and clear, there are no surprises. When the well-being of the student is centered, she is not criminalized or marginalized for making mistakes. Instead, she is engaged as a developing human being—a learning person—and responded to first with love, and then with the intention to support and repair the harm that has been caused."

Content Warnings

Chemistry by Weike Wang

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funny reflective sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

This is an older backlist read, but one that I have seen lots of positive reviews for over the years. I've been back and forth on deciding whether or not to read it, if the blurb made it seem like I'd be interested in it, or not. After all the hemming and hawing, I finally felt like I was in the right mood.

What Goodreads has to sayre: a blurb for this novel: "At first glance, the quirky, overworked narrator of this novel seems to be on the cusp of a perfect life: she is studying for a prestigious PhD in chemistry that will make her Chinese parents proud (or at least satisfied), and her successful, supportive boyfriend has just proposed to her. But instead of feeling hopeful, she is wracked with ambivalence. The long demanding hours at the lab have created an exquisite pressure cooker, and she doesn't know how to answer the marriage question. When it all becomes too much and her life plan veers off course, she finds herself on a new path of discoveries about everything she thought she knew."

If for no other reason, the writing made me glad I picked this up. It was superb. The narrative voice was compelling, super unique, and had a heavy-with-forward-momentum feel (like a stream of consciousness style, almost). Wang seamlessly and creatively weaves together Chinese proverbs/language, realities of grad school, observations of life/the people around you, chemistry/science/math, random trivia style facts (many as teaching examples used as part of tutoring sessions), and snippets of conversations and memories and experiences. The connecting of facts/science and thoughts and instances of life that are woven together in ways that seem like they shouldn’t connect but then…do, is spectacular. It is rhythmic and poetic, the way the themes and language cycle and circle back around and towards each other. And all the while, it's unfolding the tale of our narrator: her inner monologue/thoughts, her life/childhood, the parents and their stories/pasts, her experiences with and hearing about her boyfriends family (and how different it is than her own), her educational and career trajectory, the life of her (best) friend, and more. Creating a character that the reader feels that they know intimately, despite her namelessness and suspension in a world that is so real, yet also feels a bit like something we're looking at through a magnifying glass or like, within a snow globe. So good. Oh! And the double meaning of the title (the science and the love) is *chef's kiss.*

Topically, there were some things that hit a little close to home. Not career or relationship wise, the obvious parts of the narrator's life that are causing such internal strife and indecision. But the overall vibe. The idea that one should have had everything figured out already, that there are external expectations of success that you are fighting to meet while internally not sure those are measurements that apply to or mean anything to you, and the emotional pressure-cooker that can result. That deeper level of recognizance hit me hard. I think perhaps it's generational? I know a number of Millennials who have similar thoughts and feelings about life and milestones and "growing up." Or perhaps it is more universal, but no one else has been willing to so openly admit and talk about it. Who knows. Regardless, I was definitely invested in our narrator's journey. Watching the buildup of expectations and microaggressions and feelings of self-inadequacy and disconnection from heritage/identity and drifting apart in a relationship that the narrator recognizes individually, but can’t quite put all together to understand why that break with her real/normal/curated life is happening, is really something. Also, the best friend gave a nice foil to the narrator's situation. A person with a similar background and choices, who ends up in a very different place, which gives some nice perspective. It also highlights the ways that comparison can creep in, despite all our best efforts, to both our advantage and disadvantage.

The ending was a weird sort of cliffhanger. It's unresolved in the way that this situation probably would be, at least for quite some time. The narrator has a lot they are still working through, figuring out, coming to terms with. And yet, there is at least one small decision made at the end, which is a hopeful sign of more to come. But with no clear resolution or timeline to provide the reader comfort or guidance. It's not an easy ending. And I can see some people being frustrated with it - it felt almost abrupt - but for me, it fit.

This was such a unique and creative and fascinating read. The writing was the highlight for me, as I said. But the cultural aspects and character study presented absolutely held their own. If you, like me, aren't sure if this book is for you or not, I'd encourage you to give it a go. It's a quick read. And hopefully it'll surprise you as pleasantly as it did me.

"I find it interesting how often beauty is shown to make the objects around it feel worse."

"Studies have shown that the brain feels exclusion not like a broken heart but like a broken bone. It is physical pain that the brain feels."

"Theorems are only theorems because they have never been proven wrong, but they have also never been proven right. It is all a great big loophole."

"The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half in liquid state and half in gaseous, both of which are probably poisonous."

"The only difference between a poison and a cure is dosage. Drink too much water and you will die. Inhale water and you will die as well."

"I once thought I would have all the answers by now." (But like, OMG, how relatable.)

"A hallmark of science is setting out to discover one thing and then discovering something else."

"Science is not a panacea; activities such as human interactions are difficult to answer with this method."

"Pure crystals are those that have perfectly repeating units. You told me this after I asked you what you found beautiful about chemistry. But what of the repeating units in life? Most often imperfect."

Content Warnings

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1424 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1424 reviews