just_one_more_paige's reviews
1527 reviews

emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I read, and was blown away by, Villavicenia's first work, the nonfiction The Undocumented Americans, a few years ago. So when I saw that she was writing a novel, I was so excited! I requested it on NetGalley as soon as I could, and was very appreciative when I received an eArc.

Catalina is a campus novel, narrated by the titular character, as she traverses her last year at Harvard. Catalina is undocumented, and is struggling with what that means as the DREAMer and DACA legislation is always on the docket for passing/changing/repealing, and regardless, when she graduates, she cannot get a paying job with her status anyways. Her high-achieving academic self is running out of ways to be successful with that as her primary means of "getting ahead," the privileged boy she's talking to doesn't know about her status, and she's about to find out that her grandfather (also undocumented) was caught up in an ICE raid at work. So, what options does she have?

This is an entirely internal novel, like reading someone's diary entries, almost. As such, it is very personable, in tone. Comfortable and relatable in a very intelligent way (there are *many* literary references throughout - which I'm sure I didn't catch all of - all told with a high key interweaving of Latin American sociopolitical and cultural history). There were also lots of flights of thought and imagination, in exactly the way that one's mind flies between concepts and memories and speculations. So it was super well written for the narrative style choice, and both connected the narrative (there were lots of repeating motifs and references) and sort of pulled me out of it, in a disconcertingly obvious way. Just, a super unique style. I was impressed, and also, due to that style and the slower-pacing it led to, was glad to have the audiobook to help move me through. It worked for this shorter length, but might have been too much if the novel was any longer.

One other thing that struck me is that Catalina's internal monologue told of her experiences and emotions and interactions with a sort of remove, a depersonalization. This came across in the ways she sometimes viewed her connections with others at a distance - like not being able to truly have feelings for them or full relationships with them - as well as in her need to change/mold herself based on objective choices on how to be, in order to project the "correct" image (the safest/rightest image), regardless of personal want/preference. In fact, I am not sure, after finishing, and spending that much time in her head, what it was she really did want or how she actually wanted to be. That's how deep that disconnect went. It's a fascinating sort of character development, of becoming/coming of age, because who knows who she actually is if even she isn't sure?

This felt a little bit, to me, like The Bell Jar, for a new age - in all the right and complementary ways that that statement could be taken. It's sort of a reframing of sad girl academia to a new and more inclusively representative American population: tragic and open ended and heartbreaking and a bit satirical.

“That seems like a cynical calculation but I understood the role cynical calculations play in survival.”

“Even in the absence of music, pan-Latin pride had turned my body into a jukebox of tropical glossolalia.”

“I was never beautiful, exactly, but my body listened to me when I aimed it at men. I know that’s how men write women, but how men write women is how I learned to speak English.”

“…a curse at the root of all my pleasures, and a factor in some of my great melancholies.”

“I felt in my heart that people who were politically neutral were cowards.”

“Emasculation at the hands of the state is a very cunning thing for the state to do because men will never see if coming from the state. They’ll blame the subjects in their own kingdoms, the women and children to whom they are lords. The only people to whom they are lords.”

“He never admitted that he was sad, because if he was sad about this, then he had to be sad about everything, and how much sadness could one man take?”

“The problem with being an object of beauty, a beautiful object, means you exist only when you’re looked at, and thus to remain alive you must be constantly looked at, the way sharks need to be in motion to breathe. It feels like soul death when their eyes are off you.”

“My grandparents were the ones with dreams. Their dreams had not come true. Maybe my parents were smart not to have dreams. Maybe they did have dreams, but I just wouldn’t find those dreams respectable. Maybe I’d cringe.”

“They were nothing special. That was the most humiliating part of all of this. The rest of the world is plundered and bombed so rich white people can eat Caesar salad with each other and be inane.”

“Unless it is read, a book is just an object. There are no holy texts without believers to read them.”

“But I was tired of being so easily able to provide context for everything he did that hurt me.”

“I can hold on to grudges forever. I rooted against the khipu codebreakers. I hoped that they would never unlock the secrets of the khipu. This was their curse. I hoped that for them, it remained an unfulfilled longing. There were consequences to empire.”

“A new chapter was starting. There were days to be had.”

Content Warnings

Last Call at the Local by Sarah Grunder Ruiz

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emotional funny lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

My first romance of the year! I was needing something light and easy and the cover of this one really popped out at me. It wasn't until I got it home from the library that I realized it was part of a larger romance series... This thing is, after looking up the rest of it, I really didn't have any interest in reading the other ones. So, I decided to read this anyways, even midway through an interconnected set that I had no reference points for. And, while I am sure that I missed out on some “awwww, look at them now” moments, the kind you get when previous MC couples show up in later books, it otherwise didn't really affect my enjoyment of the story or general reading experience at all.

So this book jumped at me because honestly, my dream "imaginary" romance is meeting someone while traveling internationally and having a surprise whirlwind like this. (To be clear, I am quite happy in my real-life non-imaginary romance....but we can all dream.) Also, sitting in a cozy bar with a beer (the cover) is one of my favorite ways to spend time. And this book was the very literal personification of that cover, so it was exactly what I wanted. It was super cheesy and sweet and a bit lower spice than I would maybe have preferred, but the pining was great, so an overall win. Two other personal surface level things: I love tattoos (and people who have them) and I have a soft spot for the name Lorraine (and specifically with the nickname Raine) so I was even further predisposed to be emotionally invested in this story before it even started.

And a couple thematic notes. First, I do have some personal experience with close friends/family with ADHD, and some professional knowledge of OCD, and I appreciated the way they were portrayed here. They are part of what makes a person who they are, for better or worse, just like everything else that makes a person who they are. And the myriad aspects of how that plays out, including flares and the ever-present potential need for coping mechanisms, felt realistic. Every case is different of course, but this avoided some of the major pitfalls I've seen in other literature, especially the extremes that are often used for dramatic purposes but aren't truly representative (at least of the majority). Related, I *loved* the way this relationship was different from so many other "classic" HEAs. It's so important to see different kinds of healthy and successful relationships, because everyone is different and what works for them will be different, and there isn't a "right" way to have an HEA. We all deserve the one that's right for us. And in this case, it felt just right and super cuuuuuute.

This book delivered on exactly what I wanted, from the promise of the blurb and cover. Spot on vibes.

“There’s no room for that sort of doubt in the creative life. You’ve gotta believe in what you make, otherwise why would anyone else?”

“Useless and silly and important […] My favorite kind of beautiful.”

Content Warnings

Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen by Jose Antonio Vargas

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informative reflective medium-paced

4.0

Alright, seeing if I can maintain my 2025 resolution of more concise reviews... The book has been on my personal shelves, and thus TBR for a few years now. Look at me starting the new year with some backlist/shelf-clearing reads!

In this memoir in essays, Vargas opens up about his life as an undocumented person in the US, through little snippets that are scattered - as memories tend to be in real life - but by the end, leave the reader with a full portrait of his emotional, professional, interpersonal, political, and logistical experiences. I was struck by the many ways that pop culture (music and media) played a role in his understanding of and education about American life, in not only acculturation but also in grasping social and historical context in a real way. It was also particularly affecting to see how much time and stress (reasonably) went into worrying about documentation status - how limited is a life, internally and externally, in which that is always a central focus - what more could people achieve without these arbitrary rules setting boundaries and sapping emotional effort/strength.

As he is a journalist by trade, the time he spends with language, talking about its importance and the role it plays in "othering," was fantastic. For someone whose family has chosen to live abroad for work, and would like to myself one day, it was particularly notable in the differences between "expat vs immigrant" or "settler vs refugee." When objectively, considered, the “inalienable instinct of human beings to move” is central to our species, and yet language has become a barrier to universally embracing that: when white migration happens it is celebrated as bravery, when POC do so, it’s denigrated and questioned legally...even though at the end of the day migration is a natural historical process. And really, as Vargas and so many others have pointed out, they are only here because we (the US/Western governments) have made their homes unsafe and unlivable through colonization and imperialism.

Finally, it is flabbergasting that at this point, he still has to explain that if it were possible to “fix” this issue of documentation, then he would have done it! We criticize and vilify those who don’t follow the “rules,” though we don’t understand and cannot name them ourselves. And yet, that changes when people are known, individually. Vargas points out multiple times how many people helped him along his way who never stopped to consider if it was “legal/lawful,” because it was the right thing to do for him as a human and a person and someone they knew and supported. If only we could make people see things that way for all immigrants, not just the ones they personally know, we could truly combat the fear-mongering narrative of the “other” that has taken over, and create a more accessible and inclusive system, benefiting us all. Because really, the cost of all that facade of enforcement and regulation and “protection” of our current policies/systems focusing on punitive actions (of which Vargas provides a succinct primer on here), is staggering.

Vargas' breakdown of this memoir into sections - lying, passing, and hiding - as common threads in undocumented lives, using it to frame how that played out in his own experience as well, was really affecting. A fantastically written, very relatable (no matter who you are), memoir.

For complementary reads, try The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencia and Solito by Javier Zamora.

“Separation not only divides families; separation buries emotion, buries it so far down you can’t touch it.”

“In the beginning, writing was only a way of passing as an American. I never expected it to be an identity. Above all else, I write to exist, to make myself visible.”

“I was too young to realize that the dream that Mama, Lolo, and Lola had for me was dictated by their own realities, by their own sense of limitations. The America they dreamed for me was not the America I was creating for myself.” (what a gorgeous phrasing of such a common, anecdotally as seen through my own reading, intergenerational immigrant reality)

“I had to interrogate how laws are created, how illegality must be seen through the prism of who is defining what is legal for whom. I had to realize that throughout American history, legality has forever been a construct of power.”

“...someone, somewhere, somehow created "the master narrative’ of illegality: human beings identified as 'illegals,' as if one's existence can be deemed unlawful.”

“There is no passing alone.”

“The reality is, the closet doesn't only hide you from strangers. The closet also hides you from the people you love.”

“Indescribable, the harm, all around.”

"Citizenship is showing up. Citizenship is using your voice while making sure you hear other people around you. Citizenship is how you live your life. Citizenship is resilience."

"...immigration, at its core, is about families and love - the sacrifices of our families, and the love that we feel for a country we consider our home although it labels us 'aliens.'"

“Is this really about who has the right papers and what the laws are? Or is this about someone to control?”

“Dear America, is this really what you want?”

Content Warnings

Little Rot by Akwaeke Emezi

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dark emotional tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

Alright, this is the first book review I have written in 2025 and honestly, I am maybe a little burnt out. This is going on almost 8 years of my blog, next month, and idk...I am behind by multiple books this year already and it feels overwhelming. I love reading, and I love sharing that, and the reviews are helpful for me as I look back, so I don't want to stop. But. I maybe need a reframe. So, I am going to try something. I will keep reviewing, but I am gonna leave the plot recaps out, because those are easily searchable elsewhere. And I'm going to try to be more short-winded. I don't' have to get in allllll my thoughts, just the big ones. And we'll see how that goes.

So, Little Rot. Emezi is a damn literary genius. I have read, and loved/deeply appreciated many of their other works: Pet, The Death of Vivek Oji, Freshwater, You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty. So many genres, so much gorgeous storytelling.

This one is grittyyyyyyyy. This sort of underworld of the powerful and rich in a Nigerian city is graphic: the sex, the money, the drugs, the manipulation/power moves, the murder/violence and the ugly sides of all those things, taking advantage of those with less in terrible ways. And Emezi holds nothing back in their presentation and representation: in showing the horror and calling out the systems and power players within them. They follow our characters as they get sucked in (and how they can't/don't want to get back out again) and how they do their best to wrest power for themselves however they can, twisting a system that takes advantage of them to something they try to use in turn. It's hard to read and hard to look away at the same time.

The world-building and character development within this context is high quality. There is drama, and the multiple POVs coming together style, and it all unfolds with nuance and a thriller-like pacing/telling. And messy, expansive (and hot) sexualities and relationships are clearly Emezi’s forte - hot damn. It's like it takes some of the messy from Fool of Death and takes it to an unhinged place. And I couldn't put it down for that. But there is also an aspect that goes deeper, exploring shame/humiliation, blurred edges (and total line crossings) of consent, grief, what is and isn't "acceptable (and how that changes based on who is being judged for it), and the many facets of an oft-maligned industry (sex work). And a primary thematic question of: when does the trajectory of your choices become too late to back out of...and what do you do then? Finally, OMG THAT ENDING. It hurts and it’s perfect and it’s dripping in sorrow and hopelessness and inevitability in the besttttt literary way.

What. A. Novel. A mesmerizing noir thriller with such nuanced characters and stories. This is not an easy book, and it holds no answers (and very little hope), but in witnessing these realities, by bringing them to light, it moves the needle in its own way. But seriously, how does Emezi crush EVERY genre?!

“No one had told her that godless places could feel like this.”

“There are some places that you swear you’ll never go back to because the space itself has become inseparable from the time; the there is the same as the then and you don’t know how to deal with the space if it’s inside a different slot of time.”

“She had made it, made it out, made her life into what she wanted it to look like. Being able to do that, that was power. That was freedom. Justice wasn't something she looked for or believed in, and how useful would it be anyway? People didn't understand that. They wanted revenge; they wanted people to be held accountable in a world where that just didn't happen. It was like expecting a rotten tree to bear edible fruit. It was never going to give you that. It could give you other things, though, if you knew how to work the rot, if you weren't afraid to touch it or use it. The rot could give you power.”

“Blurring the moment of a decision didn’t change the fact that he’d made one…”

“You couldn’t save people; this world was brutal. You did what you could where you could.”

“If he’d learned anything about consent, it was that if you weren’t safe enough to say no, your yes couldn’t count.”

“She said this city changes you so slowly that we don’t notice, little by little. Until it’s too late. And we’re part of everything we always hated.”

Content Warnings

Period: The Real Story of Menstruation by Kate Clancy

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challenging hopeful informative reflective slow-paced

5.0

This reading year has been a fantastic one for me - so many great books! And I am ending it on a doooooozy here. I knew I would be interested in Period because, duh, it's literally my job to talk about menstruation and reproductive health. But this was so much more than I had expected it to be. Literally from the first page of the Introduction, I was hooked. I knew immediately I would love it and needed it for myself...and I returned the library book and ordered my own copy that very day. (Thanks, too, to Libro.fm for the ALC, which I listened to alongside having my personal copy on hand.) I have also, since, recommended it to everyone I work with. Yup - I'm *that* coworker.

Based on the title, Period: The Real Story of Menstruation, you really shouldn't need a blurb to tell you what this book is about. But just in case, here is the one-liner from Goodreads: "A bold and revolutionary perspective on the science and cultural history of menstruation." And that is absolutely on point. Despite the fact that half the world experiences a version of the menstrual cycle and menstruation, there is a real dearth of information and knowledge about it - both scientifically/medically and socially - and the stigma related to it really begs belief considering the breadth of its impact. In this book Clancy "counters the false theories that have long defined the study of the uterus, exposing the eugenic history of gynecology while providing an intersectional feminist perspective on menstruation science." There is a mix of science/medicine, anthropological research, personal stories, interviews and more that come together to give the reader a nuanced and reframed look at the period, as well as an intersectional and expansive (and hopeful!) set of suggestions/ideas for what a better future could look like for those who menstruate.

This review is about to be gushing AF, so buckle up. The actively intersectional feminist and anti-racist and gender inclusive language and unpacking/re-learning of the reality and science of those who menstruate is…everything. It's an absolutely stunning, imperative, move against the status quo. This begins from the very start, as Clancy sets up terminology - how she’ll use it and what the limitations/biases are with certain descriptors/categorizers. And continues as she heads off easy-to-make assumptions and challenging any potential misinterpretations before they even arise, including explaining why she’s in a position to have to get political instead of “just” doing/sharing science. I could not have loved it more. Clancy follows this up by making radical inclusivity the cornerstone of each aspect of menstruation she addresses, from different historical and cultural and religious beliefs/practices to gender diverse perspectives on wanting/not wanting to menstruate to differing reproductive goals to addressing head on the harm of issues like fatphobia and disability unfriendly workplaces/lifestyles that affect us all (thanks to Rebekah Taussig's Sitting Pretty and Heath Fogg Davis' Beyond Trans: Does Gender Matter? for my previous introduction to concepts of universal design that is central here). Similarly, the consistent and head-on interrogation of the racist history of anthropology and eugenics is *standing ovation.* The overall intertwining of the biological and social in this examination of the way we understand and experience menstruation (and femininity) is communicated gorgeously. My goodnesssss. (A small note here: I felt that the book moved more towards a Western Hemisphere-focus as it goes, which I assume due to research availability in part, and mostly because that’s where the author is most affected and where the most power to create a new perspective lies for her. But just as far as a broad-speaking approach goes, I felt that was worth mentioning.)

While all of that is general praise for the perspective and presentation of the information in this book, I also have a few specific things that stood out that I'd like to mention. I so appreciated seeing this scientific debunking of the idea of “normal” periods, not as a primary goal, but as a natural effect of the examination of this topic. What an opening of perspective and mind, to consider that we all lead lives too differently to settle on a “normal” period definition. And really, I loveddddd to see the debunking of all the bullshit limitations on women and what they can/can’t do because of beliefs about reproduction and menstruation (just like everything else in the world, promoted incorrectly to protect the white cis patriarchal power).

In a similar vein, there was just a questioning of so many frameworks, and how they are so deeply biased towards a (Western) white cis male view, that was well done. (As an example, studies about how exercise and other stress affects menstruation never - til recently - looking at the basic daily responsibilities of women as they work domestically as a form of “exercise.”) This plays out in a number of ways, and Clancy's absolutely clear finger pointing at structural reasons as causes for why menstrual complications occur, in line with every other health study, while we continue to try to treat symptoms is important, infuriatingly not a surprise, and a gorgeous first time that I’ve ever seen it applied in this way (while acknowledging the best intentions of the current practices aimed at helping, she is still so sanguinely clear that it won’t ever be enough). Honestly, the fact that menstruation is both seen as too natural/normal to deserve money spent on it (in suppressing, learning about, managing or concealing it, based on personal preference, or other ways) to make it safer and more comfortable and easier to tolerate for a larger number of people WHILE ALSO seen as too gross/taboo to talk about and teach [youth] about is honestly ridiculous. I simply do not understand how more people don’t recognize that for what it is. I mean, for something that affects over half the population roughly monthly for a major chunk of their lives...it's unbelievable.

Ok. back to other things I loved. Clancy's presentation of the pathology of fatness and how it’s used to “explain” or blame reproductive abnormalities as an unfounded scientific/medical practice was so interesting and important for perspective shifting. She also looks at how immune and psychosocial stressors, just like physical/energy stressors, can affect menstruation. And I mean, it's something that in practice I know, but in mechanism here, I learned a lot. Then, taking everything up to that point, and looking at stressors outside of exercise (based on cortisol levels) and interpreting those spikes in the context of where in the cycle a person is, and if that affects the cycle itself or if the cycle point affects the experience of the stress spike... entire conversation was straight up fascinating. Hot damn. And to repeat myself (#sorrynotsorry), I just loved how well all that research and data is compiled here in conversation with sexism and racism and medical bias/disbelief. It's such an important intersection and one that is just recently getting any kind of research traction (as small as it is).

Ok, and then this last chapter, on the future of menstruation and reframing how we think of it to create spaces and options that work for more people is beautiful and, I wish, felt less like a utopia option that’s impossibly out of reach. The conversation about hormonal birth control options and how they’re pushed and patient bodily autonomy/choice and efficacy and medical/pharmaceutical preferences (and dismissal of side effects/insertion pain, because they’re effective and that’s worth it and these are the only options and what choice is there really, then, for women who want that protection?) is really necessary, completely relatable (to this reader), and, of course, frustrating AF. ANd ok, but as a fantasy and sci-fi reader, who loves when periods are addressed in those spaces, that look at menstruation in speculative fiction was wonderful. What a great conceptual imagining of different ways to handle a period/reproduction in the ways only imagination can…let’s stay that unique and creative and talk more about how imagination can inform real life perspectives please!

Friends, I will NEVER be over this book and I will NEVER stop recommending it. Clancy deeply explores this misunderstood and under-understood reproductive function and connects it to so many other intersectional feminist and racist issues: environmentally, health wise, systemically, etc. It’s intertwined from an abolitionist and disability and queer inclusive perspective that freeing one frees us all. I was honestly so impressed with the breadth. And while in some cases I’d have liked more depth in those aspects, the length of the book would then have been obscene, and Clancy addresses it by name-dropping and recommending other activist’s work for anyone who wants more, while focusing more on the anthropologic and medical research that is her speciality. I will say it one more time: everyone should read this, menstruating or not, immediately.

“I promise that this book is full of science. It’s also full of the history and systems at play that complicate the ability of menstruating people to get good information about their own bodies, ask their own questions, and be the ones setting the research agenda.”

“Periods themselves are not necessarily the culprit, or at least they wouldn’t be under different conditions, and giving people who menstruate more supposedly sanitary options doesn’t help nearly as much as would simply giving back the resources we took during centuries of extraction and theft.”

“We need to imagine a future where we acknowledge that we are humans with bodies that need attention and love; that the needs of bodies are all different; that our minds are housed in these bodies and are better off when we don’t ignore the house. More than self-care or body positivity, I am advocating for the radical (but not new or original) idea that humans deserve dignity and that dignity means not only accommodating but celebrating and noticing all people.”

“As we have destigmatized menstruation by focusing on the science, we have also developed tendency to describe menstruation almost entirely with negative symptomology. […] If all we ever learn is that menstrual cycles make us hormonal, irritable, bloated, angry, depressed, anxious, or in pain, is it any wonder that’s the primary way many of us perceive our experiences?”

“Despite the prevailing cultural association between femininity and being emotional and out of control, femme people are constantly holding ourselves in check. Ultimate femininity, as well as the ability to fit into spaces where everyone cares about your mind and no on about your body, is about passing as not menstruating.”

“Who made the world we live in? Who benefits from it being the way it is? And what are out alternatives?”

Content Warnings

The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera

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adventurous challenging dark mysterious slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

This really sounded, in theory, like something I'd be into. Plus, the title is top notch. So, I requested it from NetGalley when I saw it on there awhile ago. And then, I was just never in the mood for it. I tried once, but couldn't find the flow of it. And then, thankfully, I got access to the audiobook through my library, to help move me along, and I have finally read it. Overall vibes remain the same though: solid story, but one that perhaps was not the right fit and/or writing style for me.

I am not sure I could really sum this book up in a blurb if I tried... Looking at the one on Goodreads makes me think I am not alone in that, since I can't say that it really accurately describes the book either. At best, it captures the satirical humor feel, but even then, the blurb is written in a much lighter (way less enigmatic) style. But - *sigh* - it's the best I've got. So, here it is: "Fetter was raised to kill, honed as a knife to cut down his sainted father. This gave him plenty to talk about in therapy. He walked among invisible devils and anti-gods that mock the mortal form. He learned a lethal catechism, lost his shadow, and gained a habit for secrecy. After a blood-soaked childhood, Fetter escaped his rural hometown for the big city, and fell into a broader world where divine destinies are a dime a dozen. Everything in Luriat is more than it seems. Group therapy is recruitment for a revolutionary cadre. Junk email hints at the arrival of a god. Every door is laden with potential, and once closed may never open again. The city is scattered with Bright Doors, looming portals through which a cold wind blows. In this unknowable metropolis, Fetter will discover what kind of man he is, and his discovery will rewrite the world."

Alright, as indicated, I think this book was, for me, a miss. However, I can respect the class of the writing and the incredible metaphorical work the story did. And so, I'm giving it a medium rating and I'm going to talk about the things that impressed me or that I admired, so readers who are like "oh, I love esoteric writing and high brow allegorical stuff" can see if this would be a better fit for them. First, the was satirical AF. It was an incredibly specifically placed (in regards to the setting and world-building of the novel), yet somehow still generic in form (as far as being potentially applicable to multiple belief systems), social commentary on all religions that dictate to followers that nonbelievers must be shunned/punished/converted (in parallel with colonialism), following into the way that religions dictate government/laws, and further the discrimination and violence against other sects and refugee crises that we see often IRL. Similarly there was insightful commentary on how religions/sects begin, the stories that found them, and then ebb and flow in people’s memories until they can be manipulated in the most convenient ways for power grabs because the “truth” is so diminished and/or forever lost to time. Across the board, there were so many figurative and emblematic aspects, for different beliefs and lifestyles and idealism, that I am just sure I didn't catch them all. (Though I must say, Fetter’s ability to float - or not - and the effort to stay grounded, landed pretty obviously and heavily for me. I also really caught the metaphor of being killed by/dying because of the aspects of self that one refuses to see/acknowledge or treats with shame and disgust. It maybe wasn't worth the length of journey once we finally got there, for me, but it was great poetic “justice.”) And it was all situated within a very real, sarcastically humorous, contemporary world with social media and mass marketing and cell phones as cornerstones of image creation despite the ephemeral magics that we also part of reality. In that way, if not in pacing and storytelling style, I felt that it was mildly reminiscent of the messages and vibes of Alif the Unseen.

The narrative voice was an interesting choice, in my opinion. It felt quite slowly paced, despite how much actually happened (travel and world events and death and violence and illness and discoveries and conspiracies and magic, etc.). And the cerebral writing and style made it feel as though things were happening at a great and strange remove. Like there are quite a few dramatic and traumatic events that unfold in these pages, and yet, there is an emotional detachment that I felt, as a reader, because of that narrative voice. I almost didn't care about any of those events, and that is so surprising considering their intensity. I wonder if, perhaps, that is some kind of commentary on disassociation as a survival technique. One other word on the narration (which did also partially explain the remove of the storytelling style)...the "reveal" of the actual voice was a real surprise to me. And I enjoyed that little twist immensely. Finally, I am always here for a portal fantasy situation, and the idea of gods and devils is one I can generally get behind (shoutout to younger Paige's love for the Daughter of Smoke & Bone series), but here too, those concepts felt too esoteric and too separated from me as the reader, for me to feel invested in them as they unfolded on page.

Overall, to recap: this was a very interesting, intellectual and monumental-in-scope style book. It was not quite the right fit for me, but I do really respect what it tried to do and what it managed to accomplish.

“The only way to change the world is through intentional, directed violence.”

“Fame, she says, is how a ruling class conditions artists to docility and incorporates their work to lesser ends. Sedition, unrest, and even revolution are useful to political actors currently out of power.”

“None of the others understand that the law might do anything, at any time, to anyone, and justify itself any way it likes – it is feral, like the invisible laws and powers of the world of which it is a pale imitation.”

“They hide behind unfortunate incident or tense situation or welfare camp for internally displaced persons or a trick of the light.”

“This feeling belongs to the surface of things, but there is no world without its surfaces.”

“Status is a rainbow on a proud soap bubble, inflated to its uttermost.”

“Lessons learned in childhood leave deep roots and are not easily plucked out by adult reasoning.”

“Luck is only someone else’s labour.”

“Kin is greater than the stranger. It is a simple, circular logic, and one that hews close to the natural prejudices of the human animal: we care more for the ones we love than we do for those we hate, and as for those we don’t know, their lives and deaths mean nothing to us.”

“Rulers love to submit, and the Path has always paid too much attention to thrones and not enough to people. […] Power is in people.”

“Every lost past is a world.”

“…it’s not surprising they’re so hungry to haunt us – the histories we forgot, the crimes we buried.”

Content Warnings

Swordcrossed by Freya Marske

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adventurous emotional lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

After reading, and loving, Marske's "The Last Binding" trilogy (A Marvellous Light, A Restless Truth, A Power Unbound) about a year ago, I pre-ordered the shit out of this as soon as I heard of it. She is firmly cemented as my queer romantasy queen and I will make my last stand on that hill.

Borrowing from Goodreads for the blurb: "Mattinesh Jay, dutiful heir to his struggling family business, needs to hire an experienced swordsman to serve as best man for his arranged marriage. Sword-challenge at the ceremony could destroy all hope of restoring his family’s wealth, something that Matti has been trying—and failing—to do for the past ten years. What he can afford, unfortunately, is part-time con artist and full-time charming menace Luca Piere. Luca, for his part, is trying to reinvent himself in a new city. All he wants to do is make some easy money and try to forget the crime he committed in his hometown. He didn’t plan on being blackmailed into giving sword lessons to a chronically responsible—and inconveniently handsome—wool merchant like Matti. However, neither Matti’s business troubles nor Luca himself are quite what they seem. As the days count down to Matti’s wedding, the two of them become entangled in the intrigue and sabotage that have brought Matti’s house to the brink of ruin. And when Luca’s secrets threaten to drive a blade through their growing alliance, both Matti and Luca will have to answer the question: how many lies are you prepared to strip away, when the truth could mean losing everything you want?"

Ok look, I spent this entire book yearning and burning. Marske writes sexual tension that is perfectly excruciating and we get it almost immediately in Swordcrossed. I, quite simply, could not take it. And at the same time, I wanted more and more and more. How does she do it?! Marske shines in her writing of raw emotional need (and the looks and euphemisms that they use to try and sate or distract from it) growing between people, especially ones with many barriers and secrets. It *grips* you. To directly quote the novel, it’s “devastating intimacy.” I was devastated. Matti and Luca are perfectly flawed and needy and careful. Over and over again, they squeezed at my heart. I'll never be over them.

Let me just also mention the plot. Because, yes, there was one of those too. And it was good! There was a political/economic mystery situation that involved some scheming and sleuthing from our MCs and their "accomplices" (primarily, Matti's sister, Maya, and his betrothed, Sofia). (Please note here, that there was kind of a lot of information about wool/cloth/dying/weaving, which I found interesting, but might be a bit extra on extraneous detail for some readers.) Anyways, there was intrigue and drama and one of the most fun culminating scenes in a novel that I have ever read. Was it a surprise reveal situation? Not really. But I was cheering hard for all the wins, especially the bonus relationship/marriage *and* the public takedown of a "won't take no for an answer" suitor. I would have loved to be a guest at that wedding.

Other things I loved included the representation and portrayal of panic attacks. It felt real and handled well. And thematically, Marske really delved into the concept of honesty. How difficult and thorny it can be when considering what counts as lies: being a con artist versus seeming/keeping up appearances. She really explores the risks in fully opening up to someone and which type of lie is harder to overcome, when one is finally being truthful and sharing one’s whole self. Marske writes the bravery in that vulnerability like no one else.

My goodness my heartttt. This was everythinggggg I wanted it to be. A new favorite for sure. (And if you, like me, appreciate a great queer romantasy standalone, with pining galore and enough plot to hold up, check out A Taste of Gold and Iron and The Emperor and the Endless Palace, both of which are reminiscent of Swordcrossed in their own ways.)

“There was no shame in questioning. There was no shame in learning slowly…”

“Nothing good ever came of wanting anything this badly, but gods, Matti was on fire with the thought of it anyway.”

“But growing alongside that was the urge to crack himself open and whisper something true into the air between them.”

“Love was a sword with two edges.”

“When Luca spoke, he lifted his head, and the smile that broke over his face was like the moment when a lock surrendered to Luca's picks. Something gave way before it. Some small piece of machinery fell in Luca's chest with an audible click, some unseen hinges opened, and a soft unfamiliar happiness flowed through the crack.” (I mean COME ONNNNN)

“Luca felt like a piece of plain fabric taking in dye: he wanted to soak this up, thread by thread.” (all the fabric metaphors are really well written)

“Cruel is when you decide that what someone wants doesn't matter, just because you want them and you think that means you're owed something.” (OH YES, speak the truth girl!)

Content Warnings

I Shouldn't Be Telling You This (But I'm Going to Anyway) by Chelsea Devantez

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dark emotional funny inspiring fast-paced

5.0

I don't listen to podcasts and I'm not really a comedian/tv person (other than what comes across my radar in the for of memes/clips on IG), so I had never heard of Chelsea Devontex before picking this up. Not that I'm sure a lot tv watchers know all the screenwriters for those shows anyways, but still, the point is, she is way outside my daily frame of reference. But I do appreciate a good memoir, and humor, and I was in the mood for something quick and funny and seemingly easy because the Holiday season is...a lot. So, armed with the ALC of this from Libro.fm and a robust rec from @thestackspod, I decided this was the winner for meeting those vibes.

For real, this memoir is spectacular. Devontez's voice is a mix of tender and angry and heartfelt and humor that I feel like really shouldn’t be possible, and yettttttt, it clearly is. She tells her story in essay form, each of which is named for and built around telling the story of a woman (or a group of women or a representation of women or an inanimate thing she gave a woman’s name) who was supportive, inspiring, impactful, challenging, etc. in ways both healthful and very not, and in the end somehow helped her survive to be or shaped who she is today. In each case, even the horrible ones, she was able to find some kind of sweet spot or silver lining or satisfying reclamation that taught or gave her something. And I loved that framework.

Throughout the essays, we get a range of stories about Devontez's fitful and uneven, but always passionate, childhood and adolescence. There is the "normal" stuff, like inconsistent (and paternally abusive) parenting, struggles with weight and body image, moving around, unhealthy friendships/relationships, fitting in and school-based achievements, getting into the comedy/acting business, general dating drama/humor. But again, her voice is so fresh that it doesn't feel normal at all. (O word: listening to the audiobook was perfect. Her narration is awesome; her voice is so natural and relatable.) And then she talks about some of the much less typical things she experienced, from some lighter aspects, like spirituality and belief in signs, etc. to some more complex topics, like medical complications/scares and sperm donation and being a donor child. This is, in fact, the first time I have read about that, and it was honestly a really interesting and insightful, but of course still humorous, introduction to that topic. It definitely made me interested in reading more, as the moral discussion parallels some adoption conversations as far as the psychological (and unknown biological marker) issues, and that all feels new to the public conscience and very worth learning more about.

And finally: the big, scary, and unnamable domestic violence thing. This was such an affecting piece of the memoir even though, perhaps especially because, Devontez ended up unable to actually share the story with the reader. The inclusion of the chapters (to open and close the book) as they were meant to be, but with all the parts she wasn't legally allowed to say blacked out, was incredibly impactful. You can put together enough that you understand the outline of how bad it was. And yet, despite Devontez having to live and survive and move forward from it - it is her story - she is not allowed to share it?! That an abuser still has enough power that their survivor cannot tell their own story is…so beyond the pale…I am struggling to convey my reactions. These chapters with redacted sections sit so heavily (honestly more heavily than they even would have) because of what those redactions mean, because of whose reputation and life and story is clearly given more import/weight in the world, and because even the [poetic] justice that could have been minimally comforting is withheld... I have feelings. Phew. (A note here: read the Acknowledgements at the end. They too are funny, so worth it in that way. But also, if you wanna be even more infuriated at the system that led her to not be able to actually share her story…and know maybe where to try to affect change…it's important in that way too.)

To circle back to the more positive side of the memoir to finish... The growth over time into what healthy female relationships can do for you - full of boundaries and love - is heart filling. Devontez is so vulnerable in these pages about her journey. And the humor is spot on. But that openness is the real beauty in these pages. And wow, the lessons in the final chapter, from Devontez to her “Young Me” that is out there and maybe reading this are, emotional. There were definitely tears. What a real and raw and hilarious memoir in essays. I really finished this and, with tears of laughter and anger and tenderness still fresh in my eyes, I had to ask myself: how does this much life happen to just one person?!

“I reveled in the power of a woman who does not give a fuck.”

“…I wanted to take all the things about femininity that I’d learned were weak and wield them onstage as a weapon.”

“That’s the thing about gatekeepers. They can’t get past the wall with their own talent, so instead, they offer to guard the door.”

“Shame wraps itself around our throats over time, slowly choking us, and we don't cry out for help because we think we're the only ones suffocating, and we don't want to be a bother. We are all taught to be sweet, be polite, be normal, don't rock the boat, so that those at the top can hold on to the power that doesn't belong to them in the first place.”

“Every time someone shares their story, the lie that we are alone in our pain is shattered…”

“On the flip side, I know many a woman who thinks that because she wants herself to succeed, and she is a woman, she is therefore a feminist, when really she cares nothing about the respect and right of us all, and in fact even benefits from the inequality so she can be the only woman at the boys' club and get more attention, which in her eyes is feminism!” (ooooof this sums it up so perfectly it’s frightening)

“It is the women who crack a joke when the ship has been set on fire who have my undying allegiance.”

“I had thought that savings, friends, connections, healing, time and likability could anoint me some power. But none of those things ate power. Only power is power.”

Content Warnings

James by Percival Everett

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adventurous dark emotional reflective tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

Ok, I thought I should (and so was planning to) reread Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn before picking this up. But here's the thing...I don't think I remember liking it the first time I read it (or at least, I wasn't into it enough to want to read it again). Then, James was getting so much freaking notice and praise and I wanted to see what it was about for myself. And I realized that, if I waited for a Huck Finn reread, I might never read this. So, I said "F that" to the reread, and jumped right into James with nothing but the vague memories from a childhood read as context.

So, James is, at base, a retelling of Huck Finn. But, in the grand contemporary tradition of retellings, it's told from a new (and historically silenced) perspective...in this case: Jim, the (escaped) enslaved man that Huck adventures down the Mississippi with. The two have a number of adventures, relayed in an episodic sort of narrative style, both together and in moments of separation (which, in this case, means the reader gets the story of Jim's experiences, during those times). From snakebites to con men to being part of a blackface minstrel group, along with the myriad quotidian dangers and terrors of being Black in a slave state (or really, in America), Jim travels up and down the Mississippi trying to stay alive, find his way back to his wife and daughter, and find a way towards freedom as a family. Oh, and simultaneously, develop a deeper relationship with Huck, that takes some twists for both of them, as they spend time together.

Well, I really don't think it affected my reading experience that much, to not really have the context of the original. Maybe it could have made for a more comparative review, but as far as appreciating this book....it was more than impressive enough to stand "alone," as it were. This was a superb piece of literature. The classic framework of the episodic adventure/journey is maintained, as far as I can tell, from the original. There is clearly an unfolding story, and character/relationships development, but it very much jumps from one mini-interaction/escapade to another. Not generally a story-telling style that I am drawn to. However, it is the right fit here.

And the real highlight is the writing, like the words themselves, the reorienting of the narrative, and the messages it carries. The overall style is a really unique mix of the absurd and surreal with the grounded and too real. It is a masterful parody or (or satire maybe...I was never enough of a literary critic/student to truly understand the nuances of some of those differences), and some very genuine insight into, the “handling” of the fragile white consciousness that was, and is, necessary in so many ways for Black survival. It is, like I said, so real...and terrible and horrible in that reality. And it is cuttingly, like blood-drawing levels of sharp, humorous. It also read, to me, like a parable for the origins (for lack of a better word choice) of code-switching. It takes the exaggerated obsequiousness that is always written (when written by white storytellers) as the affect of enslaved people and reclaims and pulls power from that racist and biased presentation. Incredible.

There is also quite a bit of philosophical exploration throughout the novel...on a number of topics related to equity, race and, ultimately, and freedom. Everett asks what those terms and constructs really mean, and in no uncertain terms, asks if they actually mean anything or if it's just power structures that have given them importance. He brings something really visceral and devastating to those conversations. The blooming relationship between Huck and Jim is both heartwarming and heartbreaking in the simultaneous tenderness and distance of the two, on their totally different planes of existence. And that ending... There was a tenuous, but palpable, power in it. One that fills, but doesn't promise.

I absolutely see why this has gotten all the accolades. So well deserved. Jim's narrative voice is not one that I will soon forget.

“The only ones who suffer when they are made to feel inferior is us.” (phewwwwwwww that is too real)

“And the better they feel, the safer we are.” (this one too...too real)

“So, if enough people do it, it’s not a crime.” (and isn’t that still the truth)

“How strange a world, how strange an existence, that one's equal must argue for one's equality, that one's equal must hold a station that allows airing of that argument for oneself, that premises of said argument must be vetted by those equals who do not agree.”

“At that moment, the power of reading made itself clear and real to me. If I could see the words, then no one could control them or what I got from them. They couldn't even know if I was merely seeing them or reading them, sounding them out or comprehending them. It was a completely private affair and completely free and, therefore, completely subversive.”

“When you are a slave, you claim choice, where you can.”

“Folks be funny lak dat. Dey takes the lies dey want and throws away the truths dat scares 'em.”

“A distance you know is shorter than one you don’t.”

“Belief has nothing to do with truth.”

“Was it evil to kill evil?”

“White people often spent time admiring their survival of one thing or another. I imagined it was because so often they had no need to survive, but only to live.”

Content Warnings

The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

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dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

This has been sitting on my shelf, unread, for yearssssss. The sudden cold snap dumped me right into a Norwegian winter and witch trials kind of reading mood and the time was finally right to pick it up.

I'm using Goodreads for this blurb, because I'm just not in the mood to get creative with it today: "Finnmark, Norway, 1617. Twenty-year-old Maren Magnusdatter stands on the craggy coast, watching the sea break into a sudden and reckless storm. Forty fishermen, including her brother and father, are drowned and left broken on the rocks below. With the menfolk wiped out, the women of the tiny Northern town of Vardø must fend for themselves. Three years later, a sinister figure arrives. Absalom Cornet comes from Scotland, where he burned witches in the northern isles. He brings with him his young Norwegian wife, Ursa, who is both heady with her husband's authority and terrified by it. In Vardø, and in Maren, Ursa sees something she has never seen before: independent women. But Absalom sees only a place untouched by God and flooded with a mighty evil. As Maren and Ursa are pushed together and are drawn to one another in ways that surprise them both, the island begins to close in on them with Absalom's iron rule threatening Vardø's very existence."

I am not sure exactly what I was expecting from a historical fiction about witch hunts, but this both met and diverged from whatever I was internally ready for. There was an incredibly tragic and heavy air to the whole novel (which makes sense), and yet, the underpinning of feminist and indigenous resistance to external powers was also low-key inspiring. The vibes really seeped into one's bones in the same way cold does - quite apt under the circumstances. This was very much a novel of characters - internally and relationally - and setting. The sense of place that Millwood Hargrave brings forth is so strong. The focus on the quotidian details is impressive, and it's clear that the historical research was thoroughly done. And the character development, alongside the development of the conditions which make it possible for a community to act in this way, so superbly (if terrifyingly) communicated. There is just a slow steadiness to the storytelling cadence that is perfect for the story being told. It's reminiscent, in good ways, of The Wolf and the Woodsman, Book of the Little Axe, and Burial Rites.

The story itself, of the spreading of Christianity and western philosophy onto indigenous/native populations (colonialism), is horribly familiar, of course. It's a tale as old as time, when a way of life/power structure is threatened (even existentially, or with false belief of the threat), suffering to “maintain” that way of life begins. And of course, historically, that usually means women and minorities suffering at the hands of cis white men in positions of power. On that note, I had a full on fiery anger at Absalom (and all the men, really), while reading this. Ooooooof. But back to this novel...this is a version of the story - a place and population - of it that is new to me in the details. So, I (of course) did some of my own research afterwards and learned more, which is something I always appreciate from literature.

On a more hopeful note (and a bit bittersweet by the end, I suppose), what grows between Maren and Ursa, the connection they nurture and that gives them support and strength in return, is tender and precious. The ending, in general and as it relates to them, felt just right. It's not happy (how could it be?) and not *quite* hopeful, but there is a little spark of future possibility past this, a realistically small amount of (unfortunately not enough for what the reader would hope for, but how could that be possible, really?) satisfying retribution.

This novel was not fast paced or twisty/surprising, but it was evocative AF. There is a simmering depth of emotion under the surface of the “action” in the story and it really leaves a strong impression on the reader.

“They are a language […] Just because you do not speak it doesn’t make it devilry.”

“It doesn’t matter what I am, only what they believe I am.”

“How is this godly? […] How can they call their work holy?”

Content Warnings

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just_one_more_paige's reviews 1527 reviews

just_one_more_paige's reviews
1527 reviews