ps_stillreading's reviews
183 reviews

emotional lighthearted reflective fast-paced

5.0

As I read the first page of White Nights, I couldn't help but fall in love immediately with the writing. How could I not, when I have a soft spot for youth, the starry sky, and existential questions you can only ask under the moonlight?

White Nights is about two lonely people. He a dreamer, she lost in love. Two lonely souls who meet by chance under the starry sky of Petersburg.

We meet our narrator, a self-proclaimed dreamer. Every time he steps out the door, he falls in love with the city, with strangers, and even with the beautiful houses he sees along his route. His problem is that he lives too much inside his head. He has convinced himself his daydreams are the only place he can fully live, but he still hopes to experience the same vivid richness in real life.

One night, he meets a woman and they quickly become friends. For a handful of nights, they share each other’s stories. They were both feeling lost and alone, but now their evenings come alive with this newfound friendship. They come to know one another in a series of conversations, and he inevitably falls in love with her.

But what happens under the moonlight will not always survive the light of day. And sometimes, something so fleeting and temporary can leave a lasting impression on you.

White Nights is full of beautiful writing exploring loneliness, love, and a thirst for life. This story hurt me. But it also made me feel hopeful.

This Little Black Classics edition of White Nights also contains a second short story by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. While White Nights tugs at your heartstrings, Bobok is a little more absurd.

In Bobok, we follow a writer who after attending a funeral decides to chill in the cemetery, sit by the gravestones, and have a little rest. He suddenly hears voices. Voices of the recently departed who have been buried around him. The dead retain their consciousness for a while before finally fading, and they talk to each other about various things. But mostly, they are trying to retain the same type of pecking order that they experienced in society while still alive. A society lady is so offended by the fact that she is buried next to a shopkeeper, but he reminds her that she hasn’t paid her bills in his shop for months. But they are both equally dead, and there is no point in discussing debts.

Eventually the dead come to the conclusion that death is a new chance for them to live, as absurd as that sounds. In death, or before their consciousness truly fades away, they decide to live without shame and in complete honesty. Freed from the shackles of life, will they rise to their highest potential, or will they give in to the depravity of their base desires?

Bobok was such a silly read and I had fun eavesdropping on the dead. But it also makes you think, doesn’t it?

This little book was my first taste of Dostoyevsky. Excited to read more of his work!

Nothing Deep by Richard Bolisay

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funny informative reflective medium-paced

5.0

Not a review. More like fangirling disguised as a word-vomit-y, parenthetical-heavy reflection of my reading experience. Please manage your expectations. You have been warned✌🏽😘

I am someone who enjoys watching films. And I am also interested in what goes on behind the scenes: how movies are made, who makes them happen, what The Industry is actually like, and all that jazz.

However, I am very much an outsider. I mean I only recently began to think about the films and shows that I watch. And I realized that I don’t know much about Philippine cinema at all. And this is why I loved Nothing Deep. Richard Bolisay’s essays allowed me a peek behind the curtain and for the 10 days I spent with this book, I felt like I was granted intimate access to something I have only ever admired from afar.

The book begins with essays on Joel Torre and Marilou Diaz-Abaya that made me appreciate them even more. Reading about Joel Torre’s connection to Jose Rizal took me back to high school when our Filipino teacher made us watch the Noli Me Tangere series he starred in, playing Crisostomo Ibarra alongside Chin Chin Gutierrez as Maria Clara. Torre would later appear in Diaz-Abaya’s film Jose Rizal as Ibarra/Simoun. And yes, the same teacher also made us watch this film. Back then, we thought that our teacher was a fan of Cesar Montano (who plays Jose Rizal as well as the main character in the film Muro-Ami, which she also made us watch). But after reading these essays it dawned on me that maybe she was actually a fan of Marilou Diaz-Abaya who directed both films. These two opening essays really had me typing “where to buy DVDs Philippines reddit” primarily because I wanted to watch Jose Rizal again, but by the end of the book, I wanted to watch the films Bolisay mentions that aren’t available on streaming. When I fall into rabbit holes like this, I take it as a good sign about what I’m currently reading.

The third essay, The Evolution of Meng Patalo made me tear up. I feel like the journey of the film mirrored that of its characters, and Bolisay wrote about it in such a beautiful way that it made me very emotional. And I didn’t even watch the movie (please where can I watch it???)

When johnreads shared his review of Nothing Deep, I went and bought myself a copy. I even got it signed during MIBF (photo proof included). It stayed on my shelf for A WHILE before I read it, and gurl do I regret waiting this long because three essays in, and I knew that I would be in for a treat. Then shelfandsensibility posted her review, which made me even more excited to read the rest of the collection.

Philippine Cinema on the Map, the last essay in Nothing Deep, unexpectedly made me feel a lot of frustration. It was an eye-opening essay, but it really reminded me of some complaints and pet peeves I had regarding some mainstream movies. The Philippines is such a diverse country, with hundreds of languages and dialects, and of course, hundreds of stories. So when Bolisay wrote “Manila-centric ideologies and narratives have long upheld control and privilege” I FELT that. I may have lived in Manila for years, but I am still and forever will be a Cebu girlie at heart. And yes, I have also used the term “imperial Manila” in conversations with my friends. Stories and films that center cities and languages outside Manila deserve their time in the sun. Another quote from this essay: “There is a huge difference between a Manila filmmaker going to Cebu or Davao and setting a story in these cities and a Cebuano or a Davaoeño filmmaker doing the same.”

Yung totoo, I just want to share how annoyed I get when movies are set in Cebu (or in any other place with a regional language), with characters that are supposed to be locals of that area, but all of the actors are from Manila. Obvioulsy, majority of the film will be spoken in Filipino and they will typically only have five lines of dialogue in the local language, but they will never get the pronunciation or the accent right. It never sounds or feels real, so it makes me cringe and takes me out of the film for a hot minute. Then I will sigh and go “ugh, imperial Manila” CHAROT (half not charot???)

I really enjoyed the mix of “serious” and “unserious” topics because really, one is not more important than the other. They can both be interesting to explore and worthwhile to think and talk about. Yes, essays on AlDub and JaDine can sit comfortably next to essays on Lav Diaz, Kidlat Tahimik, and Ricky Lee. Richard Bolisay did 👏🏽 that 👏🏽

My favorites from this collection: A Man For All Seasons, Impressions, The Evolution of Meng Patalo, Outside the Split Screen, When Two Worlds Meet, Why Ricky Lee?, and Philippine Cinema on the Map. That’s 7 favorites out of 14 essays. Pero syempre, because this is a five-star read for me, I loved all of them talaga.

To sir Richard Bolisay, thank you for work that allows us to “see the imprints of our cinema in a different light” (quote taken from the introduction). Your book has brought me so much joy and has given me a lot to think about. I finished this book and felt a deeper appreciation for Filipino cinema and the people who keep on making the magic happen.

If you are looking for a Filipino non-fiction book, or if you are interested in Philippine cinema, then I highly recommend you read Nothing Deep by Richard Bolisay. And subscribe to his substack!

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson

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emotional funny lighthearted medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes

5.0

One of the reasons I enjoyed reading this book is because our protagonist, Lillian, is such a witty narrator. She is thrust into this unexpected situation, and her internal monologue reflects that. Her thoughts are chaotic, but imagine being the caretaker of two children who burst into flames when they feel strong emotions. Yeah. Your mind would be a mess too. But you know what? She is doing the best she can, and I love her for it.

When Lillian meets the twins Bessie and Roland for the first time, she approaches them with sincerity. These kids have been told that they are different and difficult to manage, and their lives have just been turned upside down, so it takes them a while to trust Lillian. And to be fair, it takes a while for Lillian to trust herself with them too.

Spontaneous combustion aside, Bessie and Roland are children of divorce. Their mother dies, they are transferred temporarily into the care of their grandparents, before they are shuttled off to their father’s large estate, to live with a stranger who will be their primary caretaker, while their stepmother and half-brother watch from the sidelines and their father is still noticeably still absent.

Lillian sees something of herself in Bessie and Roland. She’s lived a hard life, she’s had her failures held against her, and a mother who couldn’t care less about her. Because people have made her feel small all her life, Lillian promises that she will do right by Bessie and Roland. That she would not fuck them up.

It’s so heartwarming to see Lillian heal her inner child by consciously becoming the parental figure she needed when she was a child. She becomes that person for Bessie and Roland. She trusts them, trusts that they are intelligent and capable. She doesn’t belittle their interests. She allows them to have their big feelings, and she lets them know that she will be there with them for all of it. She treats Bessie and Roland like people. Not like freak shows, not like a problem to be solved, or a situation to contain. Underneath the flames, Lillian sees Bessie and Roland for who they are, and who they could be when given the chance.

As heartwarming as this story is, it is also set against the backdrop of rich people sh*t. If you couldn’t tell, Madison is rich rich. And so is her husband, Jasper Roberts. A Tennessee senator who comes from a long line of politicians, Jasper is set to become an even bigger political figure. So of course, the problem of his fire children needs to be addressed. And by addressed meaning hushed up, hidden away, and bribed off the public sphere. Typical (or stereotypical??) rich people response of throwing money at the problem, or sending the problem to boarding school abroad.

Madison is only marginally better than Jasper. She’s there, she actually interacts with the kids, but I feel like she sees them as dangerous creatures that have to be tamed. She is willing to give them everything they will ever want or need, but she will always hold them an arm’s length away, because her husband’s political career, her son’s future, and her own desire for power and influence will always come first.

Class differences also play a role in Lillian and Madison’s friendship. They were roommates at an exclusive boarding school. And even though Madison was rich and Lillian was a scholarship kid, they bonded because of their shared weirdness, and a similar drive to be better and move upward. Lillian’s expulsion from the school threw them into different paths, with Madison continuing her upward trajectory and Lillian spiraling downwards. When they reunite and Lillian moves into the estate, she sees the sort of life that would have been possible for her if she wasn’t expelled from school.

They may have maintained a friendship throughout the years, but they see the world differently because of where they are in life. Madison is quick to throw money at things, while Lillian is more willing to find ways to make it work no matter how complicated it may be. They disagree on the matter of raising Bessie and Roland and Lillian is reminded that money is power, and Madison will have her way.

The standout relationship for me is the one between Lillian and Bessie. Bessie is smart, perceptive, determined, and highly protective of her twin brother. She has been parentified by necessity, and she has been disappointed so much in her short life that she doesn’t trust anything easily. Lillian recognizes all this, and she allows Bessie her space while giving her the support she needs. Their conversations are my favorite part of this book, they tug on my heartstrings the most.

I’m glad that with Lillian, Bessie gets to be a child again. She has someone to look up to, someone she can trust and depend on. An adult who has who sees her worth and is willing to fight for what is best for her and her brother. They come to understand each other and develop a connection that is both deep and strong. Parenting, as Lillian discovers, is a series of ups and downs. Of feeling like you’ve gotten the hang of things until the next curveball hits you and it feels like going back to square one. It’s complicated and messy, and most days will feel like you’re playing catch-up. But she will always do her best. And hopefully, she won’t fuck it up (too much)

The Story of a New Name by Elena Ferrante

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challenging emotional tense slow-paced