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readsforlove's reviews
828 reviews
Sorceline by Sylvia Douyé
Did not finish book. Stopped at 7%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 7%.
I am not here for the teen love triangles w/moody rude guys. (No judgement to those who are--that's just my asexuality showing)
Gay the Pray Away by Natalie Naudus
5.0
Holy hell, this book was something else. I alternated between audio and physical because there were just too many lines that I needed to tab, and often whole pages that I needed to mark because this book gets it. BIG CONTENT WARNING for religious trauma (though one can assume that with the title and blurb).
I grew up in a very conservative church of christ in a Tennessee small town. We were taught that women could not speak or have any sort of role in church services (aside from nursery duty, where the ladies are tucked away out of sight). Growing up a aro/ace kid that didn't realize those were things I could even be, I was terrified about my future that was only going to matter if I found a man to marry that shared my desires and dreams. Because I believed--I was told--that I could only make a difference in god's kingdom (which is the only point of life, of course) if I had a man leading the way that could speak for me. It made me both nauseous and terrified. I couldn't understand how I was supposed to serve god's kingdom if I wasn't even allowed to stand before a group of people to speak about Jesus.
Fast forward to now, and it's wild to revisit the deep mind games played by religious indoctrination. The depictions of emotional abuse (and allusions to physical child abuse), the tension and manipulation required to survive, the stress and fear of thought crimes--it all hit the mark dead center. This book also did a great job making both Valerie and Riley very real and understandable characters. Valeria was head over heels for Riley, but Riley wasn't perfect. They were both so gentle to each other every step of the way, and the tenderness melted my heart. Valerie had so much agency, and didn't let Riley (who knew a lot more about the world) teach her everything and just listen to her blindly. Val snuck onto the computers at the library and researched on her own, hunting down knowledge with her angry pen and grabbing it with both hands to swallow it hole. She was so strong and brave and a beautiful protagonist.
I feel like the best way to make my point is to just leave some of the best quotes, so have a gander and then go get the book. (Though do be gentle with yourself, especially if you're queer and have religious trauma. I had to take lots of breaks.)
"Even though it sometimes stings to hear I am not my own, that I belong to my dad and God and my future husband, that’s my own sinful nature, letting doubt creep into my mind. And so I’m trying to pray, to hear the voice of God … and I hope that with enough faith, things will finally feel right, and I will feel the joy and peace that God gives to those who trust him." (This is page 5, my dudes.)
"I’ve heard the verse “perfect love casteth out fear” a million times, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it until I looked in this [queer] book. Acceptance, friendship, love; love that transcends time and boundaries and all reason, a life of living rather than hiding, of sharing rather than shunning." (Pg 24)
"I'm done with being told I'm being loved when it feels an awful lot like hate." (Pg 199)
I'm so close to asking if she'll still love me if I'm queer. But I mean love in the simple sense. Love that exists not as a rationalization for punishment, but a blooming feeling of acceptance and belonging. (Pg 222)
I grew up in a very conservative church of christ in a Tennessee small town. We were taught that women could not speak or have any sort of role in church services (aside from nursery duty, where the ladies are tucked away out of sight). Growing up a aro/ace kid that didn't realize those were things I could even be, I was terrified about my future that was only going to matter if I found a man to marry that shared my desires and dreams. Because I believed--I was told--that I could only make a difference in god's kingdom (which is the only point of life, of course) if I had a man leading the way that could speak for me. It made me both nauseous and terrified. I couldn't understand how I was supposed to serve god's kingdom if I wasn't even allowed to stand before a group of people to speak about Jesus.
Fast forward to now, and it's wild to revisit the deep mind games played by religious indoctrination. The depictions of emotional abuse (and allusions to physical child abuse), the tension and manipulation required to survive, the stress and fear of thought crimes--it all hit the mark dead center. This book also did a great job making both Valerie and Riley very real and understandable characters. Valeria was head over heels for Riley, but Riley wasn't perfect. They were both so gentle to each other every step of the way, and the tenderness melted my heart. Valerie had so much agency, and didn't let Riley (who knew a lot more about the world) teach her everything and just listen to her blindly. Val snuck onto the computers at the library and researched on her own, hunting down knowledge with her angry pen and grabbing it with both hands to swallow it hole. She was so strong and brave and a beautiful protagonist.
I feel like the best way to make my point is to just leave some of the best quotes, so have a gander and then go get the book. (Though do be gentle with yourself, especially if you're queer and have religious trauma. I had to take lots of breaks.)
"Even though it sometimes stings to hear I am not my own, that I belong to my dad and God and my future husband, that’s my own sinful nature, letting doubt creep into my mind. And so I’m trying to pray, to hear the voice of God … and I hope that with enough faith, things will finally feel right, and I will feel the joy and peace that God gives to those who trust him." (This is page 5, my dudes.)
"I’ve heard the verse “perfect love casteth out fear” a million times, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it until I looked in this [queer] book. Acceptance, friendship, love; love that transcends time and boundaries and all reason, a life of living rather than hiding, of sharing rather than shunning." (Pg 24)
"I'm done with being told I'm being loved when it feels an awful lot like hate." (Pg 199)
I'm so close to asking if she'll still love me if I'm queer. But I mean love in the simple sense. Love that exists not as a rationalization for punishment, but a blooming feeling of acceptance and belonging. (Pg 222)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Sexism, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Physical abuse and Racism
Ocean's Godori by Elaine U. Cho
Did not finish book. Stopped at 10%.
Did not finish book. Stopped at 10%.
Whew boy do I have some thoughts. Full disclosure: I did not read past the 10% mark. To be fair, I read up to that point twice. The first was back in February when I got approved for the ARC (thank you, NetGalley). But I was completely lost. I could not for the life of me figure out what was happening. I put the book down, thinking I just wasn't in the right headspace for it that day, and decided to try it again later. Well, the later is now, only now I have lots of thoughts on why this book was so freaking confusing.
For starters, the novel begins with a prologue, moves to chapter one, then moves to chapter two. Okay? In the course of those chapters, we spend 4-5 pages with a different narrator, not revisiting any of them until mid-chapter two, when we revisit Ocean. There are novels (like Priory of the Orange Tree and Masters of Death) that do this well. They set up the character of focus clearly, orienting the reader in their personality, goals, and place, usually hinting or at least lightly alluding to how they might connect with other characters. (In Priory this is done with geographical references, in Masters of Death it's done through the fact that we have a medium who doesn't like supernaturals for some reason, and then a whole lot of supernaturals, several of which are suddenly in need of a medium). But we don't get that with this book. We just get scene after scene after scene that changes place and characters. They're also so short, we barely have any time to get to know the character. We're also not given much reason at all to care, which is so so important in the set up of a novel. I liked the scene in the restaurant--it was the only one that I could follow easily on the first read, and I remembered it clearly on the second. But that was because the narrator of that was at least interesting. He had a goal for the scene which he achieved quite competently. We knew him well by the end, because we saw him working his way through the steps to attain that goal as the scene played out.
None of the other scenes are like this. On my second read (which I actually did the audio to see if that would help, which bless the audiobook narrator it did), I found myself wondering why we even saw Ocean's first scene in the bar. I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about that scene that I will save for a bit later when I talk about the actual writing, but looking at this scene emotionally, it pales in comparison to Ocean's second scene. In Ocean's second scene, we see her going out to do some badass piloting so she doesn't have to go to the big social event next year. Now THAT'S relatable and interesting! We could so easily have gotten literally everything we learned from her first scene in a few lines of internal monologue. Not having the full story would have added more intrigue to her character as well, keeping readers asking questions about why she is so cold and numb to the world. Her opening scene did nothing for us. Not to mention the writing.
So. When I went in for my second read/listen of this, I put in a lot of focus and attention into trying to figure out why the hell this was so confusing the first go round. I literally thought Ocean was genderfluid and that her pronouns were just being poorly introduced because the scene was so confusing. She begins the scene in a bar packed with far too many people to track. Since it's in third person, it took me a minute to even orient myself to Ocean as the MC (tho to be fair, I'm awful with names) so I was fumbling with who I was supposed to be rooting for the whole time. She's also completely emotionally cutoff in the scene, which again means that we don't get anything from reading it. The point of seeing a scene up close like this instead of through reflections later as a backstory piece is that we can feel the emotional journey with the narrator. Now, I'm not saying emotional numbness is bad writing. That's a very real thing, especially in bad relationships, and is important to be portrayed. But we were given nothing else about Ocean's character aside from the fact that she somehow knew she'd been cheated on. And then we get a time skip her next scene anyway (I think?? Though i could be wrong there. Again: so. damn. confusing.) so there's just ... no point in seeing this stale, uninteresting scene? Also, thanks to the chaos of the crowded bar, I had a very difficult time grounding myself in the setting. This was a huge issue with every scene, but it was the most detrimental to my tracking what was happening in this scene, due to the sheer number of people in there. There was another character who was going to buy food? I think? And then suddenly the guy he was talking to was in a flying vehicle that zoomed away? Also we're apparently on earth this whole time, I think? though again, that alone is super unclear.
For anyone wondering why I don't just finish the book: I kind of care about the one gay guy. (I don't remember his name.) I am a little interested in ocean after the ship race scene. But since there are so many confusing issues with the writing, I know that continuing is just going to make me feel stupid, and I don't feel like going through that. There are other books with characters I will care much more about that will not have me doing 180s every five pages trying to figure out where the hell we are, who the fuck we're with, and why I should give a damn.
Anyway. This review is already longer than like ... my last four reviews combined, probably. This novel desperately needs some more editing. I came for the space gays and left a confused queer. You have been warned.
For starters, the novel begins with a prologue, moves to chapter one, then moves to chapter two. Okay? In the course of those chapters, we spend 4-5 pages with a different narrator, not revisiting any of them until mid-chapter two, when we revisit Ocean. There are novels (like Priory of the Orange Tree and Masters of Death) that do this well. They set up the character of focus clearly, orienting the reader in their personality, goals, and place, usually hinting or at least lightly alluding to how they might connect with other characters. (In Priory this is done with geographical references, in Masters of Death it's done through the fact that we have a medium who doesn't like supernaturals for some reason, and then a whole lot of supernaturals, several of which are suddenly in need of a medium). But we don't get that with this book. We just get scene after scene after scene that changes place and characters. They're also so short, we barely have any time to get to know the character. We're also not given much reason at all to care, which is so so important in the set up of a novel. I liked the scene in the restaurant--it was the only one that I could follow easily on the first read, and I remembered it clearly on the second. But that was because the narrator of that was at least interesting. He had a goal for the scene which he achieved quite competently. We knew him well by the end, because we saw him working his way through the steps to attain that goal as the scene played out.
None of the other scenes are like this. On my second read (which I actually did the audio to see if that would help, which bless the audiobook narrator it did), I found myself wondering why we even saw Ocean's first scene in the bar. I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about that scene that I will save for a bit later when I talk about the actual writing, but looking at this scene emotionally, it pales in comparison to Ocean's second scene. In Ocean's second scene, we see her going out to do some badass piloting so she doesn't have to go to the big social event next year. Now THAT'S relatable and interesting! We could so easily have gotten literally everything we learned from her first scene in a few lines of internal monologue. Not having the full story would have added more intrigue to her character as well, keeping readers asking questions about why she is so cold and numb to the world. Her opening scene did nothing for us. Not to mention the writing.
So. When I went in for my second read/listen of this, I put in a lot of focus and attention into trying to figure out why the hell this was so confusing the first go round. I literally thought Ocean was genderfluid and that her pronouns were just being poorly introduced because the scene was so confusing. She begins the scene in a bar packed with far too many people to track. Since it's in third person, it took me a minute to even orient myself to Ocean as the MC (tho to be fair, I'm awful with names) so I was fumbling with who I was supposed to be rooting for the whole time. She's also completely emotionally cutoff in the scene, which again means that we don't get anything from reading it. The point of seeing a scene up close like this instead of through reflections later as a backstory piece is that we can feel the emotional journey with the narrator. Now, I'm not saying emotional numbness is bad writing. That's a very real thing, especially in bad relationships, and is important to be portrayed. But we were given nothing else about Ocean's character aside from the fact that she somehow knew she'd been cheated on. And then we get a time skip her next scene anyway (I think?? Though i could be wrong there. Again: so. damn. confusing.) so there's just ... no point in seeing this stale, uninteresting scene? Also, thanks to the chaos of the crowded bar, I had a very difficult time grounding myself in the setting. This was a huge issue with every scene, but it was the most detrimental to my tracking what was happening in this scene, due to the sheer number of people in there. There was another character who was going to buy food? I think? And then suddenly the guy he was talking to was in a flying vehicle that zoomed away? Also we're apparently on earth this whole time, I think? though again, that alone is super unclear.
For anyone wondering why I don't just finish the book: I kind of care about the one gay guy. (I don't remember his name.) I am a little interested in ocean after the ship race scene. But since there are so many confusing issues with the writing, I know that continuing is just going to make me feel stupid, and I don't feel like going through that. There are other books with characters I will care much more about that will not have me doing 180s every five pages trying to figure out where the hell we are, who the fuck we're with, and why I should give a damn.
Anyway. This review is already longer than like ... my last four reviews combined, probably. This novel desperately needs some more editing. I came for the space gays and left a confused queer. You have been warned.
Punk Rock Karaoke by Bianca Xunise
4.0
Bumping this up to four stars after the book club conversation.
I went into this book expecting plot. Do not go in looking for that! It is really a musical, queer, coming of age story about three queer friends navigating early adulthood and the punk rock scene. The art style was not my favorite, but we spent so much of our book club going back through and finding little references and details and bits of foreshadowing that it deserved to be rated up another .5 stars for that dedication alone. The songs throughout were such an amazing touch as well. Listen to the playlist as you read if you can as it really elevates the experience.
Moral of the story: book clubs are great!
I went into this book expecting plot. Do not go in looking for that! It is really a musical, queer, coming of age story about three queer friends navigating early adulthood and the punk rock scene. The art style was not my favorite, but we spent so much of our book club going back through and finding little references and details and bits of foreshadowing that it deserved to be rated up another .5 stars for that dedication alone. The songs throughout were such an amazing touch as well. Listen to the playlist as you read if you can as it really elevates the experience.
Moral of the story: book clubs are great!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship
Puzzleheart by Jenn Reese
4.5
Sentient house! Puzzles! Nonbinary MC! Sweet friendship in the main duo, and a bunch of cute kittens! A raging snow storm outside, and a bunch of deeply sad humans trying their best to carry on. What more can a reader ask for? This was a delightfully intense and deeply heartfelt and I highly recommend it. (Especially if you like puzzles!)
No Olive Branch For Me by Nadia Shammas
5.0
Short but moved me to tears at the end. This is available for free online, so please take a few minutes to read. It'll make you think, and inspire you to become more educated on Palestine's history.
The Fireborne Blade by Charlotte Bond
4.5
That was a TRIP. Highly recommend! Very horrifying and gory and dark and twisty. The plot kept me guessing the whole way, and while I predicted some of it, I definitely didn't see everything that slammed into me those last fifteen pages. The book was excellently written, and I love how we flit from present to past to the dragon handbook. It made for a very engaging reading experience. The whole atmosphere was so deeply unsettling, which made everything connect in a satisfying way at the end. Read if you want to scream!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Gore, and Sexism
Minor: Kidnapping and Stalking
The Beast Player 1 by Nahoko Uehashi
4.5
As a fan of the novel, I was excited to pick up this manga adaption of the first section of the book, and it did not disappoint! It stayed very true to the source material, which I appreciated, as there is little to improve with the novel. The art was cute, and really drove home just how young Elin is when her story begins. I love how the bee keeper (I always forget his name lol) was drawn--not how I was expecting him to look (I pictured him being much older for some reason) but it captured all the tender gentleness of his character. I highly recommend for fans of the novel and new readers alike! (Though new readers will probably want to have the novel at hand, as this just gets started into Elin's story and you won't want to wait to finish it!
Thank you to NetGalley for the free review ARC.
Thank you to NetGalley for the free review ARC.
Vincent: A Graphic Biography by Simon Elliott
2.0
Whew, do I have some thoughts. To start, this was formatted more like a picture book than a graphic novel. The art style itself was not for me; it would have been cool if it had mimicked Vincent's own style, but it was instead lots of flat colors with no shading or lighting effects, rather odd perspectives, and oddly drawn people. One could argue that this is "experimental" and parallels one of the themes of the biography but it just looked poorly done. There was also some info conveyed in art but not in text that I severely felt needed clarification. Like pages 30-31 with Vincent and Eugenie. (Art looks pretty problematic and I am not a fan of biographies that refuse to acknowledge a person's wrongs in life, especially if it is going to allude to them. Just spell it out!)
Which leads to the whole framing of this story. It's told through Jo's point of view, who was Vincent's sister in law. I don't really understand why this decision was made, as it caused the whole narrative to be quite biased in Vincent's favor. Again, I am of the sentiment that history should be conveyed as objectively as possible, especially with such famous people as Vincent Van Gogh. We don't need to glorify his life or garner sympathy for his memory--that memory is doing just fine. I would have appreciated a more honest and objective depiction of his life and works rather than the weird fiction of claiming Jo's voice. (This narrative choice might have made sense if this were a graphic novel adaption of her own words regarding Van Gogh, but the while the credits mention online archives of her diaries, nothing is directly cited throughout the entire novel so that it's impossible to know what is actually her voice shining through, and what is fiction from the author.)
As much as I wanted to feel sorry for him, I kind of hated him by the middle of the novel and then was just ready for the story to be over by the end. His entitlement and lack of consideration for other people was boggling and infuriating, and I imagine led to the worsening of his mental illness. Again, if this had been told more objectively, this would have been a unique opporunity to showcase the history of how mental health has been treated and the flaws in that treatment, and how doctors just throw around treatments when they don't understand the actual issues. There's just ... sooo much they could have done there. But NO.
Anyway. Thus ends my mild rant.
Thank you to NetGalley for the free review copy.
Which leads to the whole framing of this story. It's told through Jo's point of view, who was Vincent's sister in law. I don't really understand why this decision was made, as it caused the whole narrative to be quite biased in Vincent's favor. Again, I am of the sentiment that history should be conveyed as objectively as possible, especially with such famous people as Vincent Van Gogh. We don't need to glorify his life or garner sympathy for his memory--that memory is doing just fine. I would have appreciated a more honest and objective depiction of his life and works rather than the weird fiction of claiming Jo's voice. (This narrative choice might have made sense if this were a graphic novel adaption of her own words regarding Van Gogh, but the while the credits mention online archives of her diaries, nothing is directly cited throughout the entire novel so that it's impossible to know what is actually her voice shining through, and what is fiction from the author.)
As much as I wanted to feel sorry for him, I kind of hated him by the middle of the novel and then was just ready for the story to be over by the end. His entitlement and lack of consideration for other people was boggling and infuriating, and I imagine led to the worsening of his mental illness. Again, if this had been told more objectively, this would have been a unique opporunity to showcase the history of how mental health has been treated and the flaws in that treatment, and how doctors just throw around treatments when they don't understand the actual issues. There's just ... sooo much they could have done there. But NO.
Anyway. Thus ends my mild rant.
Thank you to NetGalley for the free review copy.