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What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
4.0
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
In the past, I've only had a passing acquaintance with Murakami and his work, having read 'Birthday Girl' and 'The Strange Library' but somehow I was drawn to his non-fiction.
'What I talk about when I talk about running' is too short to be a memoir and too loosely structured to be an essay. It's rather a meditation on the life Murakami lived before he embarked on the path to be a writer and the life he built after he decided to become a writer and took up running as a means to sustain his writer's life.
I have often wondered if when writing about their lives and placing themselves at the centre of a work of non-fiction, writers do not tend to imbue into their words a certain light of imaginative romanticism. Or else how could they remember a little kind gesture of a stranger passing by? Or the direction of the wind caressing their face when all seems to be lost cause in a moment of imminent failure and giving it a momentous value in the grander scheme of things to tell a personal narrative in a certain way. Well, Murakami does all of that, but he is painfully aware that there is no single grand life lesson or unified philosophy of living to be imparted at the end of this book. He is just an average writer and maybe a more than average runner (his words, I'm just paraphrasing lol) in a fiercely competitive world where there are many people with more talent than he has.
Murakami says that long-distance running has taught him a critical lesson in writing: the only person he has to compete with is himself, to achieve a personal best, and beat the previous time every time he puts on his running shoes and runs on the beaten track. The same holds when he writes a novel. He has to give it his all each time when he puts pen to paper.
To Murakami, running is then akin to writing. Being a self-proclaimed writer of middling talent who didn't even have particular ambitions of being a novelist one day until he turned 30 and decided one fine day while watching a baseball game that he had an intense desire to write a novel, Murakami ascribes that the only way he can write is the way he runs: he just does it every day, without a miss (well most days). Those 3-4 hours in the morning, he knows he gives his single-minded devotion to the task at hand: be it writing or running.
I am neither a runner nor a writer. But he is both of those things. Yet what could a renowned writer at 73 (though he wrote this book when he was well past 55) and a 24-year-old nobody has in common you ask? We are both flawed human beings trying to figure out life. And this short non-fiction was the perfect antidote to clear out things in my head as I find myself at a similar crossroads in life like Murakami did at 33.
In the past, I've only had a passing acquaintance with Murakami and his work, having read 'Birthday Girl' and 'The Strange Library' but somehow I was drawn to his non-fiction.
'What I talk about when I talk about running' is too short to be a memoir and too loosely structured to be an essay. It's rather a meditation on the life Murakami lived before he embarked on the path to be a writer and the life he built after he decided to become a writer and took up running as a means to sustain his writer's life.
I have often wondered if when writing about their lives and placing themselves at the centre of a work of non-fiction, writers do not tend to imbue into their words a certain light of imaginative romanticism. Or else how could they remember a little kind gesture of a stranger passing by? Or the direction of the wind caressing their face when all seems to be lost cause in a moment of imminent failure and giving it a momentous value in the grander scheme of things to tell a personal narrative in a certain way. Well, Murakami does all of that, but he is painfully aware that there is no single grand life lesson or unified philosophy of living to be imparted at the end of this book. He is just an average writer and maybe a more than average runner (his words, I'm just paraphrasing lol) in a fiercely competitive world where there are many people with more talent than he has.
Murakami says that long-distance running has taught him a critical lesson in writing: the only person he has to compete with is himself, to achieve a personal best, and beat the previous time every time he puts on his running shoes and runs on the beaten track. The same holds when he writes a novel. He has to give it his all each time when he puts pen to paper.
To Murakami, running is then akin to writing. Being a self-proclaimed writer of middling talent who didn't even have particular ambitions of being a novelist one day until he turned 30 and decided one fine day while watching a baseball game that he had an intense desire to write a novel, Murakami ascribes that the only way he can write is the way he runs: he just does it every day, without a miss (well most days). Those 3-4 hours in the morning, he knows he gives his single-minded devotion to the task at hand: be it writing or running.
I am neither a runner nor a writer. But he is both of those things. Yet what could a renowned writer at 73 (though he wrote this book when he was well past 55) and a 24-year-old nobody has in common you ask? We are both flawed human beings trying to figure out life. And this short non-fiction was the perfect antidote to clear out things in my head as I find myself at a similar crossroads in life like Murakami did at 33.
Three O'Clock in the Morning by Gianrico Carofiglio
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
"Maybe leaving something you care about in a place you don’t want to leave is a way of staying connected to that place—of hoping to get back there."
Set in the shimmering summer heat of 1983, this is a story of a father and a son's emotional journey and the accompanying external adventures over two sleepless days and nights in the coastal city of Marseille, southern France.
For years, Antonio has lived on borrowed time: in the garb of a seemingly normal 18 yr old teenage Italian boy doing what any normal 18 yr old teenage Italian boy would do - but under this guise is the well-kept secret & deep-rooted shame of being an epileptic. Growing up, his parents, especially his mother had drilled into him this idea of the public shame attached to being diagnosed with a mental illness. Life passed quite monotonously for Antonio for 3 years. When he turned 18 it was time to make the dreaded visit back to Marseille when the famed epilepsy specialist Dr Gastaut will, for once and for all, decide the course of Antonio's future: whether he will live the life of a normal young man or have an existence ridden with shame, exclusion & limitations.
In an unexpected turn of events, Antonio and his estranged father, a brilliant mathematics professor must while away two days completely awake in Marseille. Navigating this unprecedented situation, they discover truths and engage in conversations they never had on subjects like love, being broken-hearted, ambition, passion, hobbies, dashed dreams, poetry, sex, their parent's relationship, his father's childhood - trying to fill the void left between the father-son after his parent's separation. Antonio, having resented his father for years since he left his mother and him, arrives at a new perspective, having shed his earlier prejudices about his father. (Balikswas) Being ill-equipped to share their emotions and to be honest with each other, initially both father and son are discomfited. However, as night gives way to dawn, Antonio gradually connects with his father through the common language of jazz, poetry, books, music and mathematics.
Lately, I have taken to these small, everyday narratives, feeling that longer novels are not suited to my low attention span when the summer heat is raging and it's acutely difficult to concentrate. This novel was a welcome escape and distraction. It took me right to the colourful cafes and obscure late-night pubs of Marseille where Jazz fills the nondescript location in a hazy dream, to the grand old church of Notre dam de la Garde and the infamous Château d'If prison where the opening of 'The Count of Monte Cristo' takes place and to witness beautiful sunsets on isolated beaches by the Calanques & chance encounters with strangers. To put it simply- reading this book felt like being on a vacation by a dreamy beach, reading a good book and having daydreams.
Set in the shimmering summer heat of 1983, this is a story of a father and a son's emotional journey and the accompanying external adventures over two sleepless days and nights in the coastal city of Marseille, southern France.
For years, Antonio has lived on borrowed time: in the garb of a seemingly normal 18 yr old teenage Italian boy doing what any normal 18 yr old teenage Italian boy would do - but under this guise is the well-kept secret & deep-rooted shame of being an epileptic. Growing up, his parents, especially his mother had drilled into him this idea of the public shame attached to being diagnosed with a mental illness. Life passed quite monotonously for Antonio for 3 years. When he turned 18 it was time to make the dreaded visit back to Marseille when the famed epilepsy specialist Dr Gastaut will, for once and for all, decide the course of Antonio's future: whether he will live the life of a normal young man or have an existence ridden with shame, exclusion & limitations.
In an unexpected turn of events, Antonio and his estranged father, a brilliant mathematics professor must while away two days completely awake in Marseille. Navigating this unprecedented situation, they discover truths and engage in conversations they never had on subjects like love, being broken-hearted, ambition, passion, hobbies, dashed dreams, poetry, sex, their parent's relationship, his father's childhood - trying to fill the void left between the father-son after his parent's separation. Antonio, having resented his father for years since he left his mother and him, arrives at a new perspective, having shed his earlier prejudices about his father. (Balikswas) Being ill-equipped to share their emotions and to be honest with each other, initially both father and son are discomfited. However, as night gives way to dawn, Antonio gradually connects with his father through the common language of jazz, poetry, books, music and mathematics.
Lately, I have taken to these small, everyday narratives, feeling that longer novels are not suited to my low attention span when the summer heat is raging and it's acutely difficult to concentrate. This novel was a welcome escape and distraction. It took me right to the colourful cafes and obscure late-night pubs of Marseille where Jazz fills the nondescript location in a hazy dream, to the grand old church of Notre dam de la Garde and the infamous Château d'If prison where the opening of 'The Count of Monte Cristo' takes place and to witness beautiful sunsets on isolated beaches by the Calanques & chance encounters with strangers. To put it simply- reading this book felt like being on a vacation by a dreamy beach, reading a good book and having daydreams.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Deadnaming, Gun violence, Infidelity, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Police brutality, Medical content, Death of parent, and Alcohol
What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough by Chidera Eggerue
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
3.75
A must-read for people who struggle with self-worth and finding their place in a world full of people who are afraid to be vulnerable. The author breaks down key attitudes and perspectives on how to live a life in the company of people who truly care for and respect you. She talks in-depth about setting boundaries and raising standards of accepted behaviour in different aspects of your life whether in friendships or romantic relationships. One must undergo deep self-reflection to know their self-worth and identify what is acceptable and what isn't and that can only come from a place of self-respect. Always choose yourself and your company first, your needs and emotions first.
Some key pointers from the book that resonated with me:
1. Confidence is the key to being self-sufficient. Often people feel threatened by confident people & put them down.
2. Don't focus on being the best, but focus on being irreplaceable.
3. Don't compare yourself to others or their journeys. Time spent scrolling on others' social media is time lost on improving yourself or working on your goals.
4. Don't fear change, embrace it. If you don't change, you won't grow.
5. Don't be a stoic. In a world where being too cool to feel feelings is a pattern, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Loving is not losing.
6. To care is to be vulnerable.
7. If you aren't losing you aren't learning.
8. Choose yourself, always.
9. People treat you not how they feel about you but how they feel about themselves.
10. Vulnerability means putting your ego aside.
11. Jealousy in a relationship especially in friendships means that the other person has unresolved issues of their own which are reflected in the way they treat you or your successes.
12. Never lower your standards.
13. Lower your expectations of others. Raise your expectations of yourself.
14. Cut out friends, lovers or people who are flaky, who are never there for you when you need them the most.
Some key pointers from the book that resonated with me:
1. Confidence is the key to being self-sufficient. Often people feel threatened by confident people & put them down.
2. Don't focus on being the best, but focus on being irreplaceable.
3. Don't compare yourself to others or their journeys. Time spent scrolling on others' social media is time lost on improving yourself or working on your goals.
4. Don't fear change, embrace it. If you don't change, you won't grow.
5. Don't be a stoic. In a world where being too cool to feel feelings is a pattern, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Loving is not losing.
6. To care is to be vulnerable.
7. If you aren't losing you aren't learning.
8. Choose yourself, always.
9. People treat you not how they feel about you but how they feel about themselves.
10. Vulnerability means putting your ego aside.
11. Jealousy in a relationship especially in friendships means that the other person has unresolved issues of their own which are reflected in the way they treat you or your successes.
12. Never lower your standards.
13. Lower your expectations of others. Raise your expectations of yourself.
14. Cut out friends, lovers or people who are flaky, who are never there for you when you need them the most.
Magma by Thora Hjörleifsdóttir
dark
emotional
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
'Magma', a word I searched desperately throughout this book trying to decipher its meaning: is it lava? a girl's name? a dream lost? an unbridled rage?
Just like the narrator of 'Rebecca', Mrs De Winter who is haunted by the ghost of the lingering Rebecca at Manderley, Lilja is threatened by the ever-present ghost of a girl online, the titular red-haired Magma - the object of her lover's desire, lust and undivided attention.
'Magma' is the story of a 20-year-old college girl named Lilja and her descent into a dark void to which she is inevitably drawn and can't resist until she falls. Until she has reached the end of this dark crevice and she has broken and shattered her very being.
The novella starts with Lilja's heady, whirlwind romance with a man she meets online while travelling in Central America
(whose age we don't get & he has crazy unimaginable fetishes) which quickly turns into a manipulative, co-dependent relationship in which she loses her identity, her dignity, her life and herself and from which she is unable to come out.
The short chapters read like fragmented diary entries by Lilja tracking her psychotic breakdown as we bear witness to her nagging suspicions of her lover's infidelity, her growing jealousy, her resentment, her overlooking the warning signs and disregarding the gaslighting, her denial in thinking she can somehow 'fix' him. Lilja feels lust, love, jealousy, obsession, anger, humiliation, rage, disappointment, denial, erasure and in the end a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness or so we are told. The author has painted a brutally raw picture of the twisted cycle of emotional & psychological dependency on the abuser to the point where Lilja is capable of seeing & acknowledging the gaslighting, the subtle violence and who he truly is but can't will herself to come out of that abuse. For Lilja, the abuse and the manipulation is the normality that defines the dynamic of her relationship.
Just like the narrator of 'Rebecca', Mrs De Winter who is haunted by the ghost of the lingering Rebecca at Manderley, Lilja is threatened by the ever-present ghost of a girl online, the titular red-haired Magma - the object of her lover's desire, lust and undivided attention.
'Magma' is the story of a 20-year-old college girl named Lilja and her descent into a dark void to which she is inevitably drawn and can't resist until she falls. Until she has reached the end of this dark crevice and she has broken and shattered her very being.
The novella starts with Lilja's heady, whirlwind romance with a man she meets online while travelling in Central America
(whose age we don't get & he has crazy unimaginable fetishes) which quickly turns into a manipulative, co-dependent relationship in which she loses her identity, her dignity, her life and herself and from which she is unable to come out.
The short chapters read like fragmented diary entries by Lilja tracking her psychotic breakdown as we bear witness to her nagging suspicions of her lover's infidelity, her growing jealousy, her resentment, her overlooking the warning signs and disregarding the gaslighting, her denial in thinking she can somehow 'fix' him. Lilja feels lust, love, jealousy, obsession, anger, humiliation, rage, disappointment, denial, erasure and in the end a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness or so we are told. The author has painted a brutally raw picture of the twisted cycle of emotional & psychological dependency on the abuser to the point where Lilja is capable of seeing & acknowledging the gaslighting, the subtle violence and who he truly is but can't will herself to come out of that abuse. For Lilja, the abuse and the manipulation is the normality that defines the dynamic of her relationship.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Body shaming, Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Cannibalism, Suicide attempt, Pregnancy, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, and Injury/Injury detail
A girl struggling with an extremely abusive and toxic relationship. She loses her identity, her dignity, her life and herself in this relationship from which she is unable to come out.
The Secret History by Donna Tartt
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love by Toni Tone
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
4.0
A book about the three stages of relationships: dating, loving and the healing stage- Toni Tone imparts some insightful to-dos and advice from her personal experience of being in several relationships in her teens and 20s. Each relationship has left its butterfly moments and heartaches and she is all the wiser for it.
I loved her discussions on self-love, setting boundaries, and keeping your expectations grounded. Don't fall for the potential of someone but rather get to know them in the present. Try to communicate feelings between each other. Each section can be revisited and bookmarked based on your own journey to find love.
I loved her discussions on self-love, setting boundaries, and keeping your expectations grounded. Don't fall for the potential of someone but rather get to know them in the present. Try to communicate feelings between each other. Each section can be revisited and bookmarked based on your own journey to find love.
Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata
challenging
emotional
funny
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘺."
'Convenience Store Woman' is a first-person narrative of a 36 yo convenience store worker, Keiko, whose sole reason for existence is to serve the titular convenience store she works at. In all her 18 years of service at the convenience store, Keiko has religiously abided by the store rules, reciting her "welcomes" and "thanks for your customs" with a flourish: acting as she did as an almost self-erasing entity called 'an obedient & hardworking employee' in a capitalist system.
Born not in a dysfunctional family but an affectionate & loving environment, her teachers, parents & even her therapist fail to plumb the depths of the reason or cause why Keiko can't act 'normal' (what does normal even mean & who defines it?) Branded a strange child for always getting in trouble, she grows up completely withdrawing from social circles, a recluse among her peers with no husband, children or even a full-time 'respectable' job (all the traditional markers of 'success'), she is often at the receiving end of being violated by people's prying noses meddling in her life.
'Convenience Store Woman' in its 160 odd pages doesn't pull any punches delving ruthlessly into sensitive, taboo subjects like misogyny, gender roles within a patriarchal system, identity politics, sexuality and how the private individual is a political entity in a late-capitalist, patriarchal society. Anyone who fails to 'perform' their designated roles in the hetero-normative, capitalist framework (the centre, the 'normal') is branded an 'outsider' (the margin, the 'abnormal'), an outcast shunned to the periphery of the society: a fate worse than death. With this 'death', Keiko is reborn as the convenience store woman twice: completely shedding her human identity, being reborn as that primal, animal instinct that breaths in tandem with the Convenience Store, the cells coursing through her body finally becoming one with it.
'Convenience Store Woman' is a first-person narrative of a 36 yo convenience store worker, Keiko, whose sole reason for existence is to serve the titular convenience store she works at. In all her 18 years of service at the convenience store, Keiko has religiously abided by the store rules, reciting her "welcomes" and "thanks for your customs" with a flourish: acting as she did as an almost self-erasing entity called 'an obedient & hardworking employee' in a capitalist system.
Born not in a dysfunctional family but an affectionate & loving environment, her teachers, parents & even her therapist fail to plumb the depths of the reason or cause why Keiko can't act 'normal' (what does normal even mean & who defines it?) Branded a strange child for always getting in trouble, she grows up completely withdrawing from social circles, a recluse among her peers with no husband, children or even a full-time 'respectable' job (all the traditional markers of 'success'), she is often at the receiving end of being violated by people's prying noses meddling in her life.
'Convenience Store Woman' in its 160 odd pages doesn't pull any punches delving ruthlessly into sensitive, taboo subjects like misogyny, gender roles within a patriarchal system, identity politics, sexuality and how the private individual is a political entity in a late-capitalist, patriarchal society. Anyone who fails to 'perform' their designated roles in the hetero-normative, capitalist framework (the centre, the 'normal') is branded an 'outsider' (the margin, the 'abnormal'), an outcast shunned to the periphery of the society: a fate worse than death. With this 'death', Keiko is reborn as the convenience store woman twice: completely shedding her human identity, being reborn as that primal, animal instinct that breaths in tandem with the Convenience Store, the cells coursing through her body finally becoming one with it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Bullying, Misogyny, Stalking, and Toxic friendship
You Had Me at Hola by Alexis Daria
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
"You had me at Hola" follows the story of two Latinx stars, a soap opera queen and gossip's poster child Jasmine, hot on the heels of a messy public breakup & the other, Ashton, a nearing-40 telenovela actor whose fame is dying a slow death after building up his reputation in Miami, only to feel like an outsider & imposter in the sets of a newfangled streaming service. Both are desperately attempting to fix up their public image, trying to keep a safe distance from the gossip mills. Jasmine comes up with a "leading lady plan", a set of rules to layout her roadmap to stardom & achieve her professional goals of being a leading lady. But what if to gain her status as a leading lady, she must resist the abundant charms & her brimming desire for her co-star? Will she walk the path of her carefully laid plans or self-sabotage herself, falling head over heels in love with him & dig a grave for her reputation as a messy, emotionally needy woman who throws herself at men the first chance she gets?
The steaminess can't make up for the predictable third act miscommunication trope and the characters being insufferable. It felt like the stakes were never high enough, only to be quickly resolved in the next chapter. The epilogue felt like a rushed kind of info-dumping by the author without much forethought. The issues such as PTSD, anxiety, attachment issues mentioned in the epilogue are never addressed in much detail & depth in the book. Also, the thing that bugged me was that these two MCs are so wrapped up to get inside each other's pants that they don't grow as individuals. Both feel like cardboard cutouts especially the male lead. The miscommunication trope was forced & overdone. They could've easily talked it through like the mature adults they should be. In the Latinx representation, the dynamics between the crew could have been better explored in its nuances. The crew were just there hanging in the background, not doing many services to the plotline except to feed the hungry tabloids unwittingly.
The steaminess can't make up for the predictable third act miscommunication trope and the characters being insufferable. It felt like the stakes were never high enough, only to be quickly resolved in the next chapter. The epilogue felt like a rushed kind of info-dumping by the author without much forethought. The issues such as PTSD, anxiety, attachment issues mentioned in the epilogue are never addressed in much detail & depth in the book. Also, the thing that bugged me was that these two MCs are so wrapped up to get inside each other's pants that they don't grow as individuals. Both feel like cardboard cutouts especially the male lead. The miscommunication trope was forced & overdone. They could've easily talked it through like the mature adults they should be. In the Latinx representation, the dynamics between the crew could have been better explored in its nuances. The crew were just there hanging in the background, not doing many services to the plotline except to feed the hungry tabloids unwittingly.
Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
2.0
Rachel, silence, liquid and weird just became the most hated words for me in the English language after reading this book. 😵 Such a cringe plot with predictable character choices. This comes no way close to "It Ends With Us" which still had a beautiful meaning behind all the abuse and emotional trauma. This book was utterly cliched with all the stereotypical romance tropes thrown into the mix like trauma porn: forbidden teenage love, unwanted teenage pregnancy, losing a child, fucking the hunky sexy neighbour, falling for the said neighbour. The dual storyline was such a turn off for me unlike in "It Ends with Us" where it gave me all the feels. I didn't feel shit for any of the character's miseries. They literally had no defining features about them except for the tragic past which the main guy refuses to let go of (I get it's hard for him to talk about it but still he is more cardboard than a human being). The main chick Tate, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW SHE GOT ON MY NERVES. Her talk about turning into liquid when Miles ( and I quote "laundry folding hunky pilot neighbour") was near her was vomit-inducing. The ending is just a nicely packed present with a red ribbon to it. No stakes, no emotional payoff. Just fucking and fucking for 90 per cent of the book.