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stellabyproxy's reviews
102 reviews
The Reappearance of Rachel Price by Holly Jackson
(1 star deduction for taking my heart, cradling it gently while whispering sweet, sarcastic flirtations between Ash and Bel, feeding it with only the most nourishing hope and love, and then putting it in a blender with that ending… I WAS NOT OKAY)
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
with another Nancy Drew coded novel, and a hint of Gone Girl, Holly Jackson has left me shocked, laughing and in a puddle (albeit small) of tears.
Rachel Price has been missing for sixteen year and suddenly makes a reappearance, just as her daughter, Annabel Price — known as Bel — and family are filming a documentary about her disappearance. this reappearance brings with it many emotions of anger, sadness, joy and grief from Bel, who was abandoned in a car at only 2 years old on the day her mother was kidnapped. the shadows of family secrets and mysteries is a difficult place to grow up in, and as the lights (camera, bitch smile) are shone on this family, what seems to be a happy conclusion is only the beginning.
i enjoyed every second of seeing Bel messily navigate having her mother back, the scepticism surrounding her return, and the drama that came with it. from the shadows, she found her light, and beautifully blossomed. and her sleuthing similarities to Pip (AGGGTM) were nothing like i’d expected and more than i could’ve hoped for.
as a gnostic theist, i rarely bring religious lore into things, however to truly sum up this novel:
Rachel Price has been missing for sixteen year and suddenly makes a reappearance, just as her daughter, Annabel Price — known as Bel — and family are filming a documentary about her disappearance. this reappearance brings with it many emotions of anger, sadness, joy and grief from Bel, who was abandoned in a car at only 2 years old on the day her mother was kidnapped. the shadows of family secrets and mysteries is a difficult place to grow up in, and as the lights (camera, bitch smile) are shone on this family, what seems to be a happy conclusion is only the beginning.
i enjoyed every second of seeing Bel messily navigate having her mother back, the scepticism surrounding her return, and the drama that came with it. from the shadows, she found her light, and beautifully blossomed. and her sleuthing similarities to Pip (AGGGTM) were nothing like i’d expected and more than i could’ve hoped for.
as a gnostic theist, i rarely bring religious lore into things, however to truly sum up this novel:
Luke 8:17
“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abandonment, Gaslighting, and Kidnapping
Moderate: Dementia, Emotional abuse, and Murder
Minor: Stalking, Infertility, Mental illness, and Pregnancy
The Lover by Marguerite Duras
dark
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.0
“We’re united in a fundamental shame at having to live.”
“I’ve never written, though I thought I wrote, never loved, though I thought I loved, never done anything but wait outside the closed door.”
“It’s while it’s being lived that life is immortal, while it’s still alive.”
“My memory of men is never lit up and illuminated like my memory of women.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Pedophilia, Adult/minor relationship, and Racism
Moderate: Addiction, Grief, and Physical abuse
Minor: War, Death, Xenophobia, and Drug use
Eurydice by Sarah Ruhl
a tumblr post said, “to love someone is to turn around.” orpheus turns to eurydice, eurydice turns to her father. in the end, it is simply a matter of returning to the one you love, even if only temporarily. it is to die twice, mourn three times, to be excessive and sinful, if only to encounter their love once more.
i do not typically reach for plays, and this struck my heart. i can only hope to be loved like eurydice and, in kind, to traverse hell for my love like orpheus.
emotional
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
“To mourn twice is excessive. To mourn three times a sin.”
a tumblr post said, “to love someone is to turn around.” orpheus turns to eurydice, eurydice turns to her father. in the end, it is simply a matter of returning to the one you love, even if only temporarily. it is to die twice, mourn three times, to be excessive and sinful, if only to encounter their love once more.
i do not typically reach for plays, and this struck my heart. i can only hope to be loved like eurydice and, in kind, to traverse hell for my love like orpheus.
Content Warnings
Minor: Suicide, Death, and Grief
My Husband by Maud Ventura
dark
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
this novel tested just how far my “i support women’s wrongs” extends.
it was a strong descent into the madness of a truly obsessed and calculated woman and how she views her marriage, truly unlike anything i’ve ever read before. like a clementine, her taste for revenge was best described as sour, not seasonal, and was always neatly pre-packaged. and in the end, all i could say was they deserved one another.
(thank you for the recommendation Masego, it was definitely very “Gone Girl” meets “YOU” vibes x)
it was a strong descent into the madness of a truly obsessed and calculated woman and how she views her marriage, truly unlike anything i’ve ever read before. like a clementine, her taste for revenge was best described as sour, not seasonal, and was always neatly pre-packaged. and in the end, all i could say was they deserved one another.
(thank you for the recommendation Masego, it was definitely very “Gone Girl” meets “YOU” vibes x)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship, Classism, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Infidelity, Mental illness, and Sexual content
Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
veronika decides to die to escape the mundanity of her life. she isn’t depressed, or vengeful, or even insane. she is simply attempting to fast track what she believes will be a cyclical life of ennui, towards the one inevitable fate that awaits us all: death. despite her failed attempt, her heart is said to be irreversibly damaged. death is definitively days away, but even that prognosis will not suffice.
she wants to die, but on her own terms.
inspired by paulo coelho’s own life, seen in brief self inserts in which he briefly relays his experience of being institutionalised three time, we follow veronika on a fresh path as she becomes acquainted with her fellow patients. if you’re looking for a plot heavy novel with twists and turns, this might not be it. with her days said to literally be numbered, the characters are the life sustaining breath that keeps us tethered to veronika’s story and her growth appears exponential in wake of the little time she has left.
although it isn’t very plot heavy, it is interesting to see the different perspectives of certain characters, their treatment and the biases and connotations of mental health simply reduced in coelho’s style. the depictions are not necessarily world-bending, but rather a reminder of the views and philosophies that culminate into the pretence that is society. the goals, expectations and desires we squash for the sake of “normalcy”. and the sanctity and tranquility that can be found in detaching from social norms with others who all want the same thing. an escape. from mental illness, from responsibility, and even from life itself. which begs the big question: “what does it mean to be crazy?” when we’re all a little bit mad?
veronika decides to die can simply be described in the words of a random tweet i came across two months ago: “the arc of my 20s is discovering that heartbreak, sadness, and suffering are not that bad. the real enemy is ennui. i’m not afraid of bad local optima, i’m afraid of flat energy landscapes.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicide attempt, Mental illness, and Suicide
Moderate: Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content, and Schizophrenia/Psychosis
The Book Of Echoes by Rosanna Amaka
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Racism, Xenophobia, Slavery, and Murder
Moderate: Police brutality, Death of parent, Miscarriage, Suicidal thoughts, and Grief
Minor: Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Misogyny, and Panic attacks/disorders
And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
The rope that pulls you from the flood can become a noose around your neck.
and the mountains echoed tells the story of several families, all connected by afghanistan, over a period of 50 years. it starts with a folktale which can be seen as an allegory to the ways in which the lives of our characters will unfold. from the small fictional village of shadbagh, the lives of abdullah and pari unfold and spill into the lives of those as near as pakistan and as far as france and the united states. it is a story of descent, a story of effect and consequence, and ultimately a story of family (both the one we choose and the one we don’t). steeped in culture, i felt invited into a home unlike my own and made to feel welcome. enjoying the delicacies, language and customs unaccustomed to me. as a guest, i began my education, and as a friend i concluded it.
yes, this is the story of brother and sister, of parent and child, but it is so much more. it is love, and loss, and secrets, and friendship, and the attempt to reconcile the holes in our hearts that grow wider, and deeper, with age and experience.
yes, this is the story of brother and sister, of parent and child, but it is so much more. it is love, and loss, and secrets, and friendship, and the attempt to reconcile the holes in our hearts that grow wider, and deeper, with age and experience.
the characters were slightly disjointed to me in the beginning, with an array of characters that probably required a mind map to keep up with how each one is connected to the other. the ever-changing POVs make it a little difficult to really sink into each character; however, as the chapters continue they become more established and easier to decipher.
overall, definitely something to add to my frequently forgotten favourites list.
Out beyond ideas
of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
- Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th Century
Content Warnings
Graphic: Dementia, Abandonment, and Grief
Moderate: Suicide, Misogyny, and War
Minor: Child abuse, Death of parent, Cancer, Injury/Injury detail, and Infidelity
The Flowers of Buffoonery by Osamu Dazai
dark
funny
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
a clumsy pas de deux with grief, battling to lead whilst not stepping on toes that might prompt actual conversation about the recent events. the pain and inquisition of the main character’s double suicide attempt and affair with his, now dead, lover linger in the air as he and his friends attempt to fill the room with laughter. the self-deprecating interjections of Dazai’s voice only add to this effort at taking a heavy topic and trying to be lighthearted about it. we see the main character ruminate over creating a masterpiece alongside his creator, who is trying to do the same. the entire book has a disturbing youthfulness in how a serious conversation is danced around, similar to the diction of taboo topics in society today. surprised to have not come across the words “unalive,” or “grippy socks vacation.” not sure how i feel about this particular writing style, but it’s unique and was an experience.
“If only you could understand the sadness of the ones who grow the delicate flowers of buffoonery, protecting them from but the slightest gust of wind and always on the verge of despair!”
Content Warnings
Minor: Infidelity, Suicide, and Suicide attempt
Before Your Memory Fades by Toshikazu Kawaguchi
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
i didn’t think this book could make me cry in the first 76 pages, however The Daughter touched my soul in such an all-encompassing manner. i literally burst into tears in public and got taken back to being an 11-year-old girl wanting to feel the comfort of my mother’s hug after a bad day.
there is an invisible string that connects each character, one that not only pulls them closer but save them both like a lifeline.
a sentiment that held true in each story:
“Don’t ever forget me until the end of the ages […] Because my love runs deeper than any grudge.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Grief, Abandonment, Death of parent, Suicidal thoughts, and Terminal illness
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
0.0
i tried going into this book with an open mind but knowing the paedophilic history of lewis carroll (real name charles dodgson) being obsessed with little girls… didn’t really make for an enjoyable children’s book inspired by one of said ‘little girls’, alice liddell. yes it was the mid-1800s, yes child brides were legal, yes i simply don’t care. he would not only form “friendships” with the children of his colleagues, but spend lengthy time alone with them, photograph them nude, and write them love letters. to quote carroll directly:
“I confess I do not admire naked boys in pictures. They always seem to me to need clothes: whereas one hardly sees why the lovely forms of girls should ever be covered up!”
so yeah, although the stories themselves do not necessarily show these beliefs, fuck lewis carroll!