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teaflow's reviews
78 reviews
Free Will by Sam Harris
5.0
Oh man guys. I'm so stubborn and there were so many moments where I wanted to put the book down and exercise my free will just to prove Sam Harris wrong, but as he went on he slowly brought great arguments to every counterpoint in my mind. I also love the audacity to start with such an intense example. I had heard about the brain tumor example from my boyfriend who is a Sam Harris junkie, so you'd think he'd start with a criminal you easily wouldn't be so harsh to judge, but he goes right to the point with a truly horrific crime that doesn't have any easy explanation. I am glad the final chapters did spend time on how this principle could be applied to our lives, because I find myself conceding to his points after awhile, but craving to know what exactly we should do with this idea.
Modern Romance by Eric Klinenberg, Aziz Ansari
4.0
This book was fantastic. Aziz offers the perfect amount of comedy and information. I was very fascinated by a lot of the studies and it was married with some anecdotes that really bring it all together.
I am not currently dating, so a lot of the info didn’t feel particularly useful but it seemed like something that could inform your perspective when dating.
I am not currently dating, so a lot of the info didn’t feel particularly useful but it seemed like something that could inform your perspective when dating.
Royal Wedding by Meg Cabot
3.0
This book really did feel like a treat in some parts but ultimately ended up feeling sickly sweet.
All of the conflicts are this big fucking deal until suddenly they are not and feel wrapped up in the simplest way possible.
Apparently Mia has no interest in getting married and has already agreed with Michael that they dont want to get married. We have no reason to believe either one has issues with this until Michael decides lamely that marriage would make things better for them. And of course he has no actual reservations about becoming a royal consort even though he should arguably have some concerns about how that will change his life.
And then they are worried about Phillipes election but we don’t really see him much during the book and his opponent is someone we’ve never met. In the last book I was definitely rooting for him in the election, but almost immediately in this book I was hoping he’d just withdraw. They act as though something has really set him off with the racing stuff, but the explanation that it was to get Helens attention just seemed so dumb and a very weak character motivation. It also makes me like the character less to think that in order to get the attention of his recently widowed baby mama he decides to act out like a man child.
When they mentioned Frank dying I was kind of rooting for him and Helen (assuming he’d abdicate and move full time to New York), but the way they paired them up felt so half assed and did not take enough of a pause to honor her relationship to Frank. I was quite annoyed that Mia didn’t seem upset about his death beyond how it affected her mom. And I cant believe they just had Helen finally decide to move to Genovia. She’s a successful NYC artist, why would she finally want to give that up? Surely, Rocky would have more access to specialized education in NYC than Genovia?
I did like Michael more than usual in this book, but i hate how much he’s always acting in service of Mia. It was bad enough in the last book that basically everything he did was an attempt to win her over, but even with this book it feels like he never has to choose anything over Mia. The role play talk was weird and I found the constant references to arc from him to feel mildly off putting.
I loved that lilly was actually a good friend to Mia finally, but I think her shifting to law made very little sense. Mia treated the rest of her friends like crap and I really wish she actually seemed to value Tina and even Lana. Lana’s shift to Mia’s friend had been so refreshing, but now she just seems like a total idiot. Why was Lilly the one that solved the fashion crisis any of the other girls would have been more fitting and a great way to highlight one of their strengths? And the whole Boris plot felt super random. I had liked them together before but we got zero dialogue from Boris and I hate how mean Mia is to and about Boris when it did nothing to help Tina. Like how the hell does Mia end up agreeing that Boris never cheated when she made Tina feel stupid for still liking him and considering getting back together?
I don’t know why JP needed to be the stalker or the guy from the firm when the IG comment was all the reminder we needed that he’s a garbage human being?
And Olivia. I liked her a lot, because she seemed like the only character that actually had any amount of tact and competency, but a secret sister plot is complex and Mia just picking her up from school and finding her endearing and Olivia being nothing but positive about her new family was such a superficial way to tell this story. The aunt and uncle were straight up the Dursley’s and I had been expecting some deeper motivation from them that never came. We also don’t really get much of her experience at all and after what feels like a very long limo ride with her new sister, I felt annoyed that Mia seemed to only care about Olivia when it was convenient for her. And holy fuck, the plan to just drive to her house and then school and just confront the problem head on with zero concern for the multitude of consequences that could come from trying to remove a random child from their home. A little more perspective from Olivia would have also made her character feel more realistic since she just came across like so perfect.
Mia’s internal monologue was about as annoying as ever and though it did show a growth without changing it too much I really think Mia needed to mature a lot more for this to feel realistic. Her work at the center felt very mediocre compared with her previous interest in writing. And I would have been totally game with getting into some of the nitty gritty about what her job is like and how it affects her relationship with ling su and perin who have to do all the work when Mia can’t be there. I also would have liked Mia to have a lot more talks with her mom if she was going to end up pregnant. Helen deserves a casual moment of snark after all of the comments Mia has made about her mom accidentally getting pregnant. And I had kind of hoped that the wedding itself would have something to do Mia putting her foot down on some things and finding her own way to be a royal.
This isnt specific to this book, but the formatting for digital conversations was annoying and made it annoying to follow text message conversations, emails, and IG comments. I feel like the rules for distinguishing between people and Mia’s own thoughts is not consistent across all types of communication.
All of the conflicts are this big fucking deal until suddenly they are not and feel wrapped up in the simplest way possible.
Apparently Mia has no interest in getting married and has already agreed with Michael that they dont want to get married. We have no reason to believe either one has issues with this until Michael decides lamely that marriage would make things better for them. And of course he has no actual reservations about becoming a royal consort even though he should arguably have some concerns about how that will change his life.
And then they are worried about Phillipes election but we don’t really see him much during the book and his opponent is someone we’ve never met. In the last book I was definitely rooting for him in the election, but almost immediately in this book I was hoping he’d just withdraw. They act as though something has really set him off with the racing stuff, but the explanation that it was to get Helens attention just seemed so dumb and a very weak character motivation. It also makes me like the character less to think that in order to get the attention of his recently widowed baby mama he decides to act out like a man child.
When they mentioned Frank dying I was kind of rooting for him and Helen (assuming he’d abdicate and move full time to New York), but the way they paired them up felt so half assed and did not take enough of a pause to honor her relationship to Frank. I was quite annoyed that Mia didn’t seem upset about his death beyond how it affected her mom. And I cant believe they just had Helen finally decide to move to Genovia. She’s a successful NYC artist, why would she finally want to give that up? Surely, Rocky would have more access to specialized education in NYC than Genovia?
I did like Michael more than usual in this book, but i hate how much he’s always acting in service of Mia. It was bad enough in the last book that basically everything he did was an attempt to win her over, but even with this book it feels like he never has to choose anything over Mia. The role play talk was weird and I found the constant references to arc from him to feel mildly off putting.
I loved that lilly was actually a good friend to Mia finally, but I think her shifting to law made very little sense. Mia treated the rest of her friends like crap and I really wish she actually seemed to value Tina and even Lana. Lana’s shift to Mia’s friend had been so refreshing, but now she just seems like a total idiot. Why was Lilly the one that solved the fashion crisis any of the other girls would have been more fitting and a great way to highlight one of their strengths? And the whole Boris plot felt super random. I had liked them together before but we got zero dialogue from Boris and I hate how mean Mia is to and about Boris when it did nothing to help Tina. Like how the hell does Mia end up agreeing that Boris never cheated when she made Tina feel stupid for still liking him and considering getting back together?
I don’t know why JP needed to be the stalker or the guy from the firm when the IG comment was all the reminder we needed that he’s a garbage human being?
And Olivia. I liked her a lot, because she seemed like the only character that actually had any amount of tact and competency, but a secret sister plot is complex and Mia just picking her up from school and finding her endearing and Olivia being nothing but positive about her new family was such a superficial way to tell this story. The aunt and uncle were straight up the Dursley’s and I had been expecting some deeper motivation from them that never came. We also don’t really get much of her experience at all and after what feels like a very long limo ride with her new sister, I felt annoyed that Mia seemed to only care about Olivia when it was convenient for her. And holy fuck, the plan to just drive to her house and then school and just confront the problem head on with zero concern for the multitude of consequences that could come from trying to remove a random child from their home. A little more perspective from Olivia would have also made her character feel more realistic since she just came across like so perfect.
Mia’s internal monologue was about as annoying as ever and though it did show a growth without changing it too much I really think Mia needed to mature a lot more for this to feel realistic. Her work at the center felt very mediocre compared with her previous interest in writing. And I would have been totally game with getting into some of the nitty gritty about what her job is like and how it affects her relationship with ling su and perin who have to do all the work when Mia can’t be there. I also would have liked Mia to have a lot more talks with her mom if she was going to end up pregnant. Helen deserves a casual moment of snark after all of the comments Mia has made about her mom accidentally getting pregnant. And I had kind of hoped that the wedding itself would have something to do Mia putting her foot down on some things and finding her own way to be a royal.
This isnt specific to this book, but the formatting for digital conversations was annoying and made it annoying to follow text message conversations, emails, and IG comments. I feel like the rules for distinguishing between people and Mia’s own thoughts is not consistent across all types of communication.
The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin
3.0
I have been binging the happier podcast because the topic is right up my alley, but this book only went a little further into the framework than the podcast has.
I will say Gretchen has said many times that the four categories only highlight distinctions for a very small and specific thing, so I don’t get why people are so upset by this framework. We readily believe that people can be introverted or extroverted, so why can’t we have this distinction surrounding expectations? She does act like this framework is really groundbreaking and I’m just not really feeling that.
I also don’t get the idea that she looks down on the other tendencies. Maybe it comes across that way based on the book alone but I feel like she is always defending the other types when people talk down about them.
The book did sell me on the idea that I fit with obliger more than the quiz itself did, but overall I don’t quite buy into the framework. I really felt like I had moments of identifying with all of them. I frequently delve deep into research and data and feel deeply bothered by the idea of doing something just because. I also feel like a rebel in the way that I often feel most motivated by striving toward a specific identity. And in some things I’m crazy strict on doing things a certain way just for myself. I understand that I easily fit with an obliger, especially obliger rebellion, but the solutions for obligers alone don’t feel as useful as employing whichever tendency’s solution that’s most helpful in that moment.
I think the book is most useful to think about how to better communicate with patients and coworkers, but I think you’d be better off going with your gut on whether or not you should give the person a ton of info, hold them accountable or just let the person come to the conclusion on their own.
I will also say that the book could have used a lot more info directly from people that have the tendency, especially in the rebel category where it feels very under developed. I think I’ve understood rebels best form the ones she has had on her podcast, whereas the book section was lackluster.
It definitely seems like it has been really helpful for a lot of people, and that’s great, but I don’t think this really spoke to me like other personality tests have. Like most frameworks, it offered new distinctions to consider and that is always valuable to me.
I will say Gretchen has said many times that the four categories only highlight distinctions for a very small and specific thing, so I don’t get why people are so upset by this framework. We readily believe that people can be introverted or extroverted, so why can’t we have this distinction surrounding expectations? She does act like this framework is really groundbreaking and I’m just not really feeling that.
I also don’t get the idea that she looks down on the other tendencies. Maybe it comes across that way based on the book alone but I feel like she is always defending the other types when people talk down about them.
The book did sell me on the idea that I fit with obliger more than the quiz itself did, but overall I don’t quite buy into the framework. I really felt like I had moments of identifying with all of them. I frequently delve deep into research and data and feel deeply bothered by the idea of doing something just because. I also feel like a rebel in the way that I often feel most motivated by striving toward a specific identity. And in some things I’m crazy strict on doing things a certain way just for myself. I understand that I easily fit with an obliger, especially obliger rebellion, but the solutions for obligers alone don’t feel as useful as employing whichever tendency’s solution that’s most helpful in that moment.
I think the book is most useful to think about how to better communicate with patients and coworkers, but I think you’d be better off going with your gut on whether or not you should give the person a ton of info, hold them accountable or just let the person come to the conclusion on their own.
I will also say that the book could have used a lot more info directly from people that have the tendency, especially in the rebel category where it feels very under developed. I think I’ve understood rebels best form the ones she has had on her podcast, whereas the book section was lackluster.
It definitely seems like it has been really helpful for a lot of people, and that’s great, but I don’t think this really spoke to me like other personality tests have. Like most frameworks, it offered new distinctions to consider and that is always valuable to me.
Son by Lois Lowry
3.0
I really enjoyed the series as a whole but it was very uneven and I don’t think this was a very strong finish. I do think the first book was strong enough on its own and I only recently learned that there were others in the series. After Gathering Blue I thought I had gotten the idea that the stories were only loosely connected and was fine with that but then the third really connected them and the fourth basically cannibalized the previous 3.
This book alone was way too long. I was interested in the first section but not enough for how slowly it retread book 1 events. The second section lost me because we spent the whole first section building how strong her connection was to Gabe and Jonas and it all just felt like a long transition period till she got to the village. And then when she finally got there we still had to reconnect with our characters again. I think this book would have done better to start Claire in another new type of community, but give it a little more connection to the other worlds we already know. And then give us flashbacks to being a birth mother. All to get her to the village or Gabe sooner.
I really didn’t care for trademaster being the big bad of the series. I had kept hoping there would be some human twist to him but realized there wasn’t enough time or world building left for that. I was picturing the villain from Meet The Robinson’s, but unfortunately with even less complexity. I will say that this book had me bawling at the tragedy of Claire becoming so old and reminding me of matty’s sacrifice all over again despite feeling meh on trademaster. Its just a baffling choice when the first two communities were masterfully created to show how humanity’s pitfalls.
I had wanted a follow up on Jonas and Kira after book 3 but the time jump to happy married couple did little for me. I liked a few of the small moments with Elyse but by the third section it all felt less important to the story. I had also felt that boat crew would have been more interesting to get to know, and was left incredibly vague.
And the use of gifts felt less interesting with Gabe than it did in the others. I wasn’t really into it with Jonas literally seeing beyond but it was a nice connection for him and Kira and it helped build to a really beautiful conclusion for Matty but Gabe’s gift was so ill explored that it didn’t feel very triumphant when he really unleashed it. And I think I was just less into the gifts after passing them out pretty liberally in previous books.
Overall, I think the series was still very moving and had a lot of great world building but I honestly think I might skip this one if I ever revisit the series. while parts of this book did add some very nice perspectives to the story, it’s not worth the slog to get to them.
(Excuse any incorrect name spellings, I listened to the audiobooks for 2-4)
This book alone was way too long. I was interested in the first section but not enough for how slowly it retread book 1 events. The second section lost me because we spent the whole first section building how strong her connection was to Gabe and Jonas and it all just felt like a long transition period till she got to the village. And then when she finally got there we still had to reconnect with our characters again. I think this book would have done better to start Claire in another new type of community, but give it a little more connection to the other worlds we already know. And then give us flashbacks to being a birth mother. All to get her to the village or Gabe sooner.
I really didn’t care for trademaster being the big bad of the series. I had kept hoping there would be some human twist to him but realized there wasn’t enough time or world building left for that. I was picturing the villain from Meet The Robinson’s, but unfortunately with even less complexity. I will say that this book had me bawling at the tragedy of Claire becoming so old and reminding me of matty’s sacrifice all over again despite feeling meh on trademaster. Its just a baffling choice when the first two communities were masterfully created to show how humanity’s pitfalls.
I had wanted a follow up on Jonas and Kira after book 3 but the time jump to happy married couple did little for me. I liked a few of the small moments with Elyse but by the third section it all felt less important to the story. I had also felt that boat crew would have been more interesting to get to know, and was left incredibly vague.
And the use of gifts felt less interesting with Gabe than it did in the others. I wasn’t really into it with Jonas literally seeing beyond but it was a nice connection for him and Kira and it helped build to a really beautiful conclusion for Matty but Gabe’s gift was so ill explored that it didn’t feel very triumphant when he really unleashed it. And I think I was just less into the gifts after passing them out pretty liberally in previous books.
Overall, I think the series was still very moving and had a lot of great world building but I honestly think I might skip this one if I ever revisit the series. while parts of this book did add some very nice perspectives to the story, it’s not worth the slog to get to them.
(Excuse any incorrect name spellings, I listened to the audiobooks for 2-4)
You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
3.0
I’m going with three because I did get a nice motivational boost out of it even though I kind of hate the author. Every self help book is way too prescriptive for me, so I’ve gotten used to just taking what I value and leaving the rest, but there were some wild claims in this book and nothing beyond “source energy” to back up why any of her ideas work.
I did love some of the discussion about being yourself and not holding it back. I really loved how she framed the idea that gratitude helps you believe that more good is out there in the world. And I liked her discussion about keeping a growth mindset as you start to become an expert.
The idea that I should just hope my friends can help me find a place to live because of course they will or that you should push your limits financially because it will motivate you to make more money resonated less with me. I’m not against the idea of taking risks necessarily but I didn’t feel convinced that anything other than luck played a heavy factor in making those things work for her. I know for my own experiences and others around me that things don’t always work just because you’ve committed yourself without a safety net.
I listened to the audiobook for free from the library so my investment was minimal and there were enough parts that inspired me that I didn’t think it was a waste of time.
I did love some of the discussion about being yourself and not holding it back. I really loved how she framed the idea that gratitude helps you believe that more good is out there in the world. And I liked her discussion about keeping a growth mindset as you start to become an expert.
The idea that I should just hope my friends can help me find a place to live because of course they will or that you should push your limits financially because it will motivate you to make more money resonated less with me. I’m not against the idea of taking risks necessarily but I didn’t feel convinced that anything other than luck played a heavy factor in making those things work for her. I know for my own experiences and others around me that things don’t always work just because you’ve committed yourself without a safety net.
I listened to the audiobook for free from the library so my investment was minimal and there were enough parts that inspired me that I didn’t think it was a waste of time.