Scan barcode
annashiv's review
5.0
This is the best self-help book I've ever read.
My Notes-
Chapter 1-
-Willpower is a limited resource, however it is like a muscle you can grow. You can learn how to distract yourself from temptations.
-Create a detailed plan and write it down - add details about what you'll do if certain problems arise.
-Practice - choose certain a behavior ahead of time and follow routine when inflection points arise.
-To find cue - take note where you are, what time it is, your emotional state, who is around, what action preceded the urge
-Note what is the reward, what satisfies urge
-Have a plan and choose what you want to change and how as specifically as you can.
-Three types of willpower - I will(exercise), I won't (stop eating bad foods), I want (to be healthy)
-1st rule of willpower - know thyself - recognize first sign of craving. Distraction leads to giving into temptations. track willpower choices for at least 1 day. Notice which choices hinder or help your goals regularly.
-Meditating helps with willpower/self control- specifically breath focus meditation 5-15 min.
-How to meditate - Sit still and stay put, back straight, feet on floor, hands in lap, don't allow yourself to fidget or scratch. Notice your breathing, say in your mind 'inhale' and 'exhale' as you do so at least until you get used to it or if you start to get distracted. Notice sensation of breathing. Trains self-awareness and control. Even doing it badly is helpful
Chapter 2 - What is the thought/desire that drives your wanted action? Use pause and plan response. Higher heart rate variability = better willpower. Immediately boost willpower by 1-2 minutes of slowing your breath. Physical exercise increases willpower. Even 5 min helps - shorter bursts have stronger effects on mood - outside is even better.
-Think of exercise as something that restores energy rather than depletes it because it does. Get enough sleep.
-Relax - using too much willpower results in too much stress - just don't result by eating a big meal or watching TV) To alleviate stress and reset - tense and release muscles where you are tense. lie on back - raise knees w/pillow and take deep breaths for 5-10 minutes and try not to worry and enjoy the knowledge you don't have to do anything. set alarm if you are worried about falling asleep.
-stress is the enemy is the enemy of willpower.
Chapter 3 -
-Self control depletes with time in enacting willpower in one area, you lose it in another (going on a diet makes people more likely to cheat on their partner)
-No matter how trivial, every time you fight an impulse, weigh competing goods, filter distractions, or make yourself do something difficult, or pause and plan, you are using some of your willpower reserves
-There are some ways to conserve and increase willpower like a muscle - limit temptations when you know you are weak (by knowing yourself). Do things you want to start or do your goals at the start of the day. Boosting blood sugar levels helps increase willpower. The brain treats energy like money - spend it when lots available, hoard it when less is available. Best to eat foods that keep blood/sugar level steady - lean meats, nuts, high fiber, beans, fruits, veggies.
-Training willpower muscles - start controlling one small thing you haven't been doing - tackle one new thing each week (use non dominant hand for things, clean something you've put off. start with something you've put off. start with something inconsequential (something that brings no anxiety) strengthen 'I won't' habits - not cross legs, use wrong hand)
-Strengthen I will habits - commit to doing something you aren't doing. Don't make excuses, meditate 5 min.
-strengthen self monitoring - keep track of something you don't usually track (how much you read, spend watching TV, ect)
- Imagine what would make it easier, what's your want power, how will you benefit from this? What is the payoff? Who else will succeed by your success? Imagine it will get easier eventually though it is hard now. What motivation hold power over you most in that moment. Use at your lowest most difficult moments. Our strongest motivation is often not what we think it is. Make it easier to make the right decisions.
Chapter 4
-Progress, optimism, and feeling virtuous leads us to sin/relapse/regress phychologically.
-Being good gives us a little permission to be bad.
-Don't assign moral virtue to tasks that don't have anything to do with virtue. Stop saying to yourself that you are good for doing or not doing something. Don't think of exercise as earning food. You aren't off the hook for taking 1 step in the right direction. That action isn't the goal itself. Even imagining being good/doing good tricks our brain to feel as if it did do it.
-Don't look for reasons to stop but to keep going (don't say now I can stop for the day because I did this much.)
-Tell yourself you did it because you wanted to, not that you did it. Don't base decisions now on what you think you will choose in the future.
-Experiment - Aim to reduce variability in your behavior - do same every day as much as you want, but be consistent. Ask yourself if you want to do this (and have the consequences) of the action every day for the next year. View every choice as a commitment to every day - would I do this never or every day?
-No earning food - it's already determined. We need to identify with the goal itself, not with the halo glow of the deed itself. Forget virtue and focus on goals and values itself.
Chapter 5
-Why we mistake wanting for happiness - promise of reward is powerful - anticipation of a reward is a reward in itself. You see it as necessary to survival and want to repeat it. Smelling sugar or seeing something sexual triggers a dopamine release in itself. It's stimulating and that's what our brain seeks. We keep refreshing youtube/news/twitter because the next thing might satisfy us. Ask yourself what your dopamine triggers are and what catches your attention.
-We are driven to seek pleasure -even to the point of self harm. Novelty and variety are constantly sought. Become a dopamine detective - notice the smells and adverts and things that draw you in. By paying attention, we can become a little more in control what we will/won't do.
-Fishbowl rewards - write a bunch of rewards on paper mixed with kind notes. Pick one out when trying to motivate yourself to do something. Just the possibility of getting a little reward motivates certain actions.
-Experiment - dopamize tasks. Listen to music/read books/watch TV while working out. Take work to favorite lunch spot/cafe. Buy something rewarding and place next to tasks you need to finish. Visualize the best possible outcome of your work to motivate yourself by linking it to something that gives you dopamine.
-Dopamine also increases stress/anxiety. See if you can notice the stress that comes with it. See if you want the thing or just to relieve the stress. Don't mistake the feeling of wanting with the promise of happiness. Pursuit of reward is always there and never satisfied. Pay close attention to how you expect something to make you feel versus how it actually makes you feel - there is often a big difference that will make it easier to change your behavior.
-Experiment - test the promise of reward with a temptation you regularly indulge in because your brain tells you it will make you happy (snacks, shopping, TV, youtube, facebook) mindfully indulge but don't rush the experience. Notice the promise of reward (anxiety anticipation hope salivation) feels like. Give permission to give in. Do those feelings go away? Do you ever feel satisfied? It's not about eliminating desires/wants. That's depression
Chapter 6-how feeling bad leads to giving in
-Where we turn for stress relief matters wanting to feel better is natural and good however, sometimes the things we choose do not actually help or even hurt us and don't actually relieve the stress. Feeling bad makes you falter and give in.
-Giving in and then having guilt or self-criticism makes us feel worse
-The negative emotions - stress, anger, sadness, self-doubt, and anxiety- shift the brain to a reward seeking state. You become convinced that the reward is the only way to feel better.
-Any temptations you run into while in this state becomes that much more powerful (you turn to food/TV/procrastinate ect)
-Experiment - try a stress relief strategy that actually works - Proven effective stress relieving activities include exercise, sports, yoga, praying, attending religious services, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends/familiy, getting a massage, going outside for a walk, meditating, or spending time on a creative project. Least effective strategies include gambling, shopping, smoking, eating, surfing the internet, drinking, video games, watching TV/movies for more than 2 hours.
-Find a way to remind yourself what actually relaxes you.
-Pay attention to what frightens you in the news/media and how you might be tempted after. We spend more on less satisfying things when confronted with our mortality. Are you avoiding a vulnerability of yours? (awareness of own mortality)
-Take 24 hr break from news, crime shows, ect...
-Why guilt doesn't work - the more guilt you feel, the more likely you are to indulge more and give in. Feeling guilty leads you to give in again and again. You feel you've already lost so you give up control.
-The thing you're turning to can't get you out of it. It can only generate more feelings of guilt.
-Pay attention to how you handle any willpower failure.
-When you allow yourself to indulge and not feel guilty, you end up eating less or indulging less.
-We should not be hard on ourselves - forgive yourself
-Self-criticism= less motivation, less self-control and depression.
-Self compassion, especially in stressful times and willpower failures, leads to better self-control.
-Forgiveness, not guilt gets us back on the path and increases accountability. Forgiveness leads to you taking more personal accountability and responsibility. You are more likely to take advice from someone and learn from the experience.
-Experiment - Bring to mind a time you failed to do or not do something. Do you guilt yourself? What do you feel? What do you say to yourself? Remember everyone makes mistakes. What would you say to a friend who experienced the same setback. Challenge your self criticism. Resolve to feel good. Do you only feel motivated to change when you feel bad?
-Experiment - optimism can motivate, but pessimism increases chance you will keep a resolution. Predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases chances you will keep a resolution. How am I most likely to be tempted to give in? How am I most likely to be distracted from my goal? What will I say to myself to give myself permission to procrastinate? Turn this imaginary willpower failure into a willpower success. Consider what actions you may be able to take to succeed. Visualize what it will feel like and see yourself succeed. You'll be ready to put this plan into action if/when it comes up.
Chapter 7
-We can rationalize bad decisions because of the temptation of immediate gratification.
-How we think about the future influences the decisions we make. The longer you have to wait for a reward, the less it is worth to you - even small delays of 2 minutes. We choose immediate satisfaction over failure and put off what can be.
-Try to catch the moment you switch what you value most with what is less value.
-We have self control until we need it.
-Temptation has a narrow window of opportunity to work. Not being able to see the reward helps us to make the rational decision.
-Anything you can do to create distance reduces the chance you will indulge.
-Wait 10 minutes for things you want. The brain will treat it as a future reward rather than immediate gratification. If in 10 minutes you still want it, you can have it. Just try to keep distance and think of the long term reward that should make you resist it. If the problem is procrastinating a task- then flip it by making yourself by doing it for 10 minutes and then allow yourself to stop if you want although you are much more likely to want to continue once you get started.
-Say to yourself 'yes I can have/do that, but in 10 minutes' rather than just 'no'
-You can also renew the 10 minute rule after the first 10 minutes are over if you want to
-Experiment - start by asking why you should take the future reward. Think of the future reward first. When tempted to act against long term interests, frame the choice as giving up the best possible long term reward for whatever the immediate reward is. Imagine the future/long term reward is already yours and imagine yourself enjoying the fruits of your labor. Ask yourself if you are willing to give up that for what is before you now.
-Pre-commitment - to reach our goals, we must limit our options. Study your tempted self and see if you can find a way to 'burn your ships' (remove internet access or games from computer if you are trying to do work on it)
-Put your money where your goals are (like getting a gym membership)
-Experiment- create new default. make decisions in advance. Make it more difficult to reverse the new defaults. Leave credit cards at home if you spend too much. Motivate your future self.
-We think of our future selves as other people thinking they will have the energy/motivation/courage we don't in the moment.
-Experiment - Meet your future self. create a future memory - imagine the future when you imagine the future you are more likely to make better choices in the now, think more about the consequences. send a message to your future self. Tell them what you are doing now so they can benefit. Imagine your future self - a better version or a feared future self (who you would be if you continue to make poor choices)
-Hyperopia - chronically farsighted. Some people never choose the instant gratification and have trouble ever living life. These people need to precommit to indulgence. Think of indulgence as an investment. Think of regret you may feel for not indulging. allow yourself to celebrate events in your life. Don't allow yourself to limit yourself to the point of unhappiness.
Chapter 8
-Willpower is infectious. Things like physical fitness and obesity can be spread to you from the people you know. The reverse is also true.
-Mirror neurons - can encode promises of reward in others. We mirror the actions of others. If someone reaches for cake, you are much more likely to do the same. This also happens with emotions. one person's anger/bad day can spread to others
-Other people's wants trigger our own wants. We spend more when shopping with friends.
-Notice when you mirror those around you. We are more vulnerable to 'catch' other peoples' indulgences (short term goals) You can build immunity to catching the goals of others around you by reviewing your goals at the start of the day and thinking of how you might be tempted away (reinforce intentions)
-When we see others behave badly, it chips away a little at our willpower that keeps us from doing whatever we want.
-Experiment- think of someone with good self control. That will increase your willpower. It can be a religious leader, athletes, politicians, or family/friends. When you need a little extra willpower, think of that person and what they would do. We recognize them the same way we do ourselves.
-The people you like are more contagious to you. Who we think we are includes the people we care about. They're included in our sense of self. Think about the people in your life that you care about most and how they have influenced your behavior.
-God wants you to lose weight - believing that actually helps people lose weight.
-Challenge your perceptions of your community. Find those who share the behavior you aspire to. Surround yourself with them.
-Should power - imagine disapproval of others you would receive if you were to fail and praise if you were to succeed. Shame (imagining how ashamed you would be if you failed and others knew) only works before the deed is done. After, it makes things worse. Shame also doesn't work once the temptation is in front of you and accessible. If it is, shame may make you more likely to indulge/partake. Pride however pulls through, even in the face of temptation. For pride to work, we need to believe someone is watching or that there is someone to report our triumph to.
-Go public with your willpower goals and be subject to their checking in with you and holding you accountable.
-Experiment - Spend a few minutes thinking about your goals at the start of the day. Make it a group project.
Chapter 9
-Why can't we control our thoughts. When we try to ban a thought, that thought will not go away. Trying not to think of something leads to you thinking about it more.
-When you try to push a thought from your mind and it keeps coming back, we tend to think that thought it true or important just because it keeps coming up. Whatever fear or desire you try to push away will come back more compelling.
-What are you trying to keep out of your mind?
-Stop trying to control unwanted thoughts or emotions - give yourself permission to think it and it will go away. You don't need to act on it or believe it's true. Trust you can handle those thoughts or feelings. Don't fight anxiety. Let it take its course knowing it will resolve itself (stop trying stop worrying about not falling asleep or getting enough sleep. Trust it will happen)
-Experiment - Let yourself experience your thoughts and feelings. Notice if it is something that comes up often. Notice how your body feels. Shift attention to breathing. Imagine these thoughts as clouds that dissolve. Don't force the thought away. You don't need to hold onto the thought and ruminate on it. Use for any upsetting thoughts or feelings. Pay attention to what alleviates/gets rid of the thought or feeling best.
-Dieting is a better way to gain weight than lose it.
-Trying to stop yourself from thinking about food makes you more likely to eat it and to eat more of it. Don't outlaw fattening foods. This increases your cravings for it.
-What's on your most wanted list?
-Power of acceptance - embrace desires but know you don't have to act on it.
-Experiment - accept your cravings, just don't act on them. 1- notice the craving/temptation. 2- accept the thought/feeling without immediately distracting yourself or arguing with it. 3- Remember thoughts/feelings aren't always under your control but you can choose whether you act on it or not. 4-remember your goal.
-No dieting diet- focus on what you should eat, not what you shouldn't eat. Focus on what you should do, rather than what you shouldn't.
My Notes-
Chapter 1-
-Willpower is a limited resource, however it is like a muscle you can grow. You can learn how to distract yourself from temptations.
-Create a detailed plan and write it down - add details about what you'll do if certain problems arise.
-Practice - choose certain a behavior ahead of time and follow routine when inflection points arise.
-To find cue - take note where you are, what time it is, your emotional state, who is around, what action preceded the urge
-Note what is the reward, what satisfies urge
-Have a plan and choose what you want to change and how as specifically as you can.
-Three types of willpower - I will(exercise), I won't (stop eating bad foods), I want (to be healthy)
-1st rule of willpower - know thyself - recognize first sign of craving. Distraction leads to giving into temptations. track willpower choices for at least 1 day. Notice which choices hinder or help your goals regularly.
-Meditating helps with willpower/self control- specifically breath focus meditation 5-15 min.
-How to meditate - Sit still and stay put, back straight, feet on floor, hands in lap, don't allow yourself to fidget or scratch. Notice your breathing, say in your mind 'inhale' and 'exhale' as you do so at least until you get used to it or if you start to get distracted. Notice sensation of breathing. Trains self-awareness and control. Even doing it badly is helpful
Chapter 2 - What is the thought/desire that drives your wanted action? Use pause and plan response. Higher heart rate variability = better willpower. Immediately boost willpower by 1-2 minutes of slowing your breath. Physical exercise increases willpower. Even 5 min helps - shorter bursts have stronger effects on mood - outside is even better.
-Think of exercise as something that restores energy rather than depletes it because it does. Get enough sleep.
-Relax - using too much willpower results in too much stress - just don't result by eating a big meal or watching TV) To alleviate stress and reset - tense and release muscles where you are tense. lie on back - raise knees w/pillow and take deep breaths for 5-10 minutes and try not to worry and enjoy the knowledge you don't have to do anything. set alarm if you are worried about falling asleep.
-stress is the enemy is the enemy of willpower.
Chapter 3 -
-Self control depletes with time in enacting willpower in one area, you lose it in another (going on a diet makes people more likely to cheat on their partner)
-No matter how trivial, every time you fight an impulse, weigh competing goods, filter distractions, or make yourself do something difficult, or pause and plan, you are using some of your willpower reserves
-There are some ways to conserve and increase willpower like a muscle - limit temptations when you know you are weak (by knowing yourself). Do things you want to start or do your goals at the start of the day. Boosting blood sugar levels helps increase willpower. The brain treats energy like money - spend it when lots available, hoard it when less is available. Best to eat foods that keep blood/sugar level steady - lean meats, nuts, high fiber, beans, fruits, veggies.
-Training willpower muscles - start controlling one small thing you haven't been doing - tackle one new thing each week (use non dominant hand for things, clean something you've put off. start with something you've put off. start with something inconsequential (something that brings no anxiety) strengthen 'I won't' habits - not cross legs, use wrong hand)
-Strengthen I will habits - commit to doing something you aren't doing. Don't make excuses, meditate 5 min.
-strengthen self monitoring - keep track of something you don't usually track (how much you read, spend watching TV, ect)
- Imagine what would make it easier, what's your want power, how will you benefit from this? What is the payoff? Who else will succeed by your success? Imagine it will get easier eventually though it is hard now. What motivation hold power over you most in that moment. Use at your lowest most difficult moments. Our strongest motivation is often not what we think it is. Make it easier to make the right decisions.
Chapter 4
-Progress, optimism, and feeling virtuous leads us to sin/relapse/regress phychologically.
-Being good gives us a little permission to be bad.
-Don't assign moral virtue to tasks that don't have anything to do with virtue. Stop saying to yourself that you are good for doing or not doing something. Don't think of exercise as earning food. You aren't off the hook for taking 1 step in the right direction. That action isn't the goal itself. Even imagining being good/doing good tricks our brain to feel as if it did do it.
-Don't look for reasons to stop but to keep going (don't say now I can stop for the day because I did this much.)
-Tell yourself you did it because you wanted to, not that you did it. Don't base decisions now on what you think you will choose in the future.
-Experiment - Aim to reduce variability in your behavior - do same every day as much as you want, but be consistent. Ask yourself if you want to do this (and have the consequences) of the action every day for the next year. View every choice as a commitment to every day - would I do this never or every day?
-No earning food - it's already determined. We need to identify with the goal itself, not with the halo glow of the deed itself. Forget virtue and focus on goals and values itself.
Chapter 5
-Why we mistake wanting for happiness - promise of reward is powerful - anticipation of a reward is a reward in itself. You see it as necessary to survival and want to repeat it. Smelling sugar or seeing something sexual triggers a dopamine release in itself. It's stimulating and that's what our brain seeks. We keep refreshing youtube/news/twitter because the next thing might satisfy us. Ask yourself what your dopamine triggers are and what catches your attention.
-We are driven to seek pleasure -even to the point of self harm. Novelty and variety are constantly sought. Become a dopamine detective - notice the smells and adverts and things that draw you in. By paying attention, we can become a little more in control what we will/won't do.
-Fishbowl rewards - write a bunch of rewards on paper mixed with kind notes. Pick one out when trying to motivate yourself to do something. Just the possibility of getting a little reward motivates certain actions.
-Experiment - dopamize tasks. Listen to music/read books/watch TV while working out. Take work to favorite lunch spot/cafe. Buy something rewarding and place next to tasks you need to finish. Visualize the best possible outcome of your work to motivate yourself by linking it to something that gives you dopamine.
-Dopamine also increases stress/anxiety. See if you can notice the stress that comes with it. See if you want the thing or just to relieve the stress. Don't mistake the feeling of wanting with the promise of happiness. Pursuit of reward is always there and never satisfied. Pay close attention to how you expect something to make you feel versus how it actually makes you feel - there is often a big difference that will make it easier to change your behavior.
-Experiment - test the promise of reward with a temptation you regularly indulge in because your brain tells you it will make you happy (snacks, shopping, TV, youtube, facebook) mindfully indulge but don't rush the experience. Notice the promise of reward (anxiety anticipation hope salivation) feels like. Give permission to give in. Do those feelings go away? Do you ever feel satisfied? It's not about eliminating desires/wants. That's depression
Chapter 6-how feeling bad leads to giving in
-Where we turn for stress relief matters wanting to feel better is natural and good however, sometimes the things we choose do not actually help or even hurt us and don't actually relieve the stress. Feeling bad makes you falter and give in.
-Giving in and then having guilt or self-criticism makes us feel worse
-The negative emotions - stress, anger, sadness, self-doubt, and anxiety- shift the brain to a reward seeking state. You become convinced that the reward is the only way to feel better.
-Any temptations you run into while in this state becomes that much more powerful (you turn to food/TV/procrastinate ect)
-Experiment - try a stress relief strategy that actually works - Proven effective stress relieving activities include exercise, sports, yoga, praying, attending religious services, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends/familiy, getting a massage, going outside for a walk, meditating, or spending time on a creative project. Least effective strategies include gambling, shopping, smoking, eating, surfing the internet, drinking, video games, watching TV/movies for more than 2 hours.
-Find a way to remind yourself what actually relaxes you.
-Pay attention to what frightens you in the news/media and how you might be tempted after. We spend more on less satisfying things when confronted with our mortality. Are you avoiding a vulnerability of yours? (awareness of own mortality)
-Take 24 hr break from news, crime shows, ect...
-Why guilt doesn't work - the more guilt you feel, the more likely you are to indulge more and give in. Feeling guilty leads you to give in again and again. You feel you've already lost so you give up control.
-The thing you're turning to can't get you out of it. It can only generate more feelings of guilt.
-Pay attention to how you handle any willpower failure.
-When you allow yourself to indulge and not feel guilty, you end up eating less or indulging less.
-We should not be hard on ourselves - forgive yourself
-Self-criticism= less motivation, less self-control and depression.
-Self compassion, especially in stressful times and willpower failures, leads to better self-control.
-Forgiveness, not guilt gets us back on the path and increases accountability. Forgiveness leads to you taking more personal accountability and responsibility. You are more likely to take advice from someone and learn from the experience.
-Experiment - Bring to mind a time you failed to do or not do something. Do you guilt yourself? What do you feel? What do you say to yourself? Remember everyone makes mistakes. What would you say to a friend who experienced the same setback. Challenge your self criticism. Resolve to feel good. Do you only feel motivated to change when you feel bad?
-Experiment - optimism can motivate, but pessimism increases chance you will keep a resolution. Predicting how and when you might be tempted to break your vow increases chances you will keep a resolution. How am I most likely to be tempted to give in? How am I most likely to be distracted from my goal? What will I say to myself to give myself permission to procrastinate? Turn this imaginary willpower failure into a willpower success. Consider what actions you may be able to take to succeed. Visualize what it will feel like and see yourself succeed. You'll be ready to put this plan into action if/when it comes up.
Chapter 7
-We can rationalize bad decisions because of the temptation of immediate gratification.
-How we think about the future influences the decisions we make. The longer you have to wait for a reward, the less it is worth to you - even small delays of 2 minutes. We choose immediate satisfaction over failure and put off what can be.
-Try to catch the moment you switch what you value most with what is less value.
-We have self control until we need it.
-Temptation has a narrow window of opportunity to work. Not being able to see the reward helps us to make the rational decision.
-Anything you can do to create distance reduces the chance you will indulge.
-Wait 10 minutes for things you want. The brain will treat it as a future reward rather than immediate gratification. If in 10 minutes you still want it, you can have it. Just try to keep distance and think of the long term reward that should make you resist it. If the problem is procrastinating a task- then flip it by making yourself by doing it for 10 minutes and then allow yourself to stop if you want although you are much more likely to want to continue once you get started.
-Say to yourself 'yes I can have/do that, but in 10 minutes' rather than just 'no'
-You can also renew the 10 minute rule after the first 10 minutes are over if you want to
-Experiment - start by asking why you should take the future reward. Think of the future reward first. When tempted to act against long term interests, frame the choice as giving up the best possible long term reward for whatever the immediate reward is. Imagine the future/long term reward is already yours and imagine yourself enjoying the fruits of your labor. Ask yourself if you are willing to give up that for what is before you now.
-Pre-commitment - to reach our goals, we must limit our options. Study your tempted self and see if you can find a way to 'burn your ships' (remove internet access or games from computer if you are trying to do work on it)
-Put your money where your goals are (like getting a gym membership)
-Experiment- create new default. make decisions in advance. Make it more difficult to reverse the new defaults. Leave credit cards at home if you spend too much. Motivate your future self.
-We think of our future selves as other people thinking they will have the energy/motivation/courage we don't in the moment.
-Experiment - Meet your future self. create a future memory - imagine the future when you imagine the future you are more likely to make better choices in the now, think more about the consequences. send a message to your future self. Tell them what you are doing now so they can benefit. Imagine your future self - a better version or a feared future self (who you would be if you continue to make poor choices)
-Hyperopia - chronically farsighted. Some people never choose the instant gratification and have trouble ever living life. These people need to precommit to indulgence. Think of indulgence as an investment. Think of regret you may feel for not indulging. allow yourself to celebrate events in your life. Don't allow yourself to limit yourself to the point of unhappiness.
Chapter 8
-Willpower is infectious. Things like physical fitness and obesity can be spread to you from the people you know. The reverse is also true.
-Mirror neurons - can encode promises of reward in others. We mirror the actions of others. If someone reaches for cake, you are much more likely to do the same. This also happens with emotions. one person's anger/bad day can spread to others
-Other people's wants trigger our own wants. We spend more when shopping with friends.
-Notice when you mirror those around you. We are more vulnerable to 'catch' other peoples' indulgences (short term goals) You can build immunity to catching the goals of others around you by reviewing your goals at the start of the day and thinking of how you might be tempted away (reinforce intentions)
-When we see others behave badly, it chips away a little at our willpower that keeps us from doing whatever we want.
-Experiment- think of someone with good self control. That will increase your willpower. It can be a religious leader, athletes, politicians, or family/friends. When you need a little extra willpower, think of that person and what they would do. We recognize them the same way we do ourselves.
-The people you like are more contagious to you. Who we think we are includes the people we care about. They're included in our sense of self. Think about the people in your life that you care about most and how they have influenced your behavior.
-God wants you to lose weight - believing that actually helps people lose weight.
-Challenge your perceptions of your community. Find those who share the behavior you aspire to. Surround yourself with them.
-Should power - imagine disapproval of others you would receive if you were to fail and praise if you were to succeed. Shame (imagining how ashamed you would be if you failed and others knew) only works before the deed is done. After, it makes things worse. Shame also doesn't work once the temptation is in front of you and accessible. If it is, shame may make you more likely to indulge/partake. Pride however pulls through, even in the face of temptation. For pride to work, we need to believe someone is watching or that there is someone to report our triumph to.
-Go public with your willpower goals and be subject to their checking in with you and holding you accountable.
-Experiment - Spend a few minutes thinking about your goals at the start of the day. Make it a group project.
Chapter 9
-Why can't we control our thoughts. When we try to ban a thought, that thought will not go away. Trying not to think of something leads to you thinking about it more.
-When you try to push a thought from your mind and it keeps coming back, we tend to think that thought it true or important just because it keeps coming up. Whatever fear or desire you try to push away will come back more compelling.
-What are you trying to keep out of your mind?
-Stop trying to control unwanted thoughts or emotions - give yourself permission to think it and it will go away. You don't need to act on it or believe it's true. Trust you can handle those thoughts or feelings. Don't fight anxiety. Let it take its course knowing it will resolve itself (stop trying stop worrying about not falling asleep or getting enough sleep. Trust it will happen)
-Experiment - Let yourself experience your thoughts and feelings. Notice if it is something that comes up often. Notice how your body feels. Shift attention to breathing. Imagine these thoughts as clouds that dissolve. Don't force the thought away. You don't need to hold onto the thought and ruminate on it. Use for any upsetting thoughts or feelings. Pay attention to what alleviates/gets rid of the thought or feeling best.
-Dieting is a better way to gain weight than lose it.
-Trying to stop yourself from thinking about food makes you more likely to eat it and to eat more of it. Don't outlaw fattening foods. This increases your cravings for it.
-What's on your most wanted list?
-Power of acceptance - embrace desires but know you don't have to act on it.
-Experiment - accept your cravings, just don't act on them. 1- notice the craving/temptation. 2- accept the thought/feeling without immediately distracting yourself or arguing with it. 3- Remember thoughts/feelings aren't always under your control but you can choose whether you act on it or not. 4-remember your goal.
-No dieting diet- focus on what you should eat, not what you shouldn't eat. Focus on what you should do, rather than what you shouldn't.
fbroom's review
5.0
I liked this book. If you’re stressed, read it.
Things I liked:
Treat your will power as a muscle, it gets tired when you over use it and it gets better with exercise.
Reminding yourself with the progress you made on a project, gives you the green light to take a step back, instead remind yourself of how you are now closer to finishing your project and how committed you are to finishing it.
The promise of reward is what our brain is looking for and not the reward itself. so we chase satisfaction from things that do not deliver. One tip is to wait 10 minutes.
Feeling bad and stressing puts you in a reward seeking state resulting in intense cravings. Self Criticism leads to having less motivation and worse self control instead forgive yourself.
Our brains are not trained for future reward. The longer you have to wait for a reward, the less it means to you.
Things I liked:
Treat your will power as a muscle, it gets tired when you over use it and it gets better with exercise.
Reminding yourself with the progress you made on a project, gives you the green light to take a step back, instead remind yourself of how you are now closer to finishing your project and how committed you are to finishing it.
The promise of reward is what our brain is looking for and not the reward itself. so we chase satisfaction from things that do not deliver. One tip is to wait 10 minutes.
Feeling bad and stressing puts you in a reward seeking state resulting in intense cravings. Self Criticism leads to having less motivation and worse self control instead forgive yourself.
Our brains are not trained for future reward. The longer you have to wait for a reward, the less it means to you.
e_gracereads's review against another edition
Read part for class and why would I want to continue.
vinnsent's review against another edition
Не осилил и даже не думаю пробовать снова. Нет, это не от нехватки силы воли. Просто решил больше не тратить время на книги, которые просто не интересны лично для меня. И, да, это оказывается не страшно не дочитывать книгу, которая "не заходит". А раньше ведь считал иначе.
dherzey's review against another edition
4.0
3.5 stars
I like how this book is not a straight-out "how-to" guide or a "this is how I did it and you probably should, too" type of book. The author, who is an actual health psychologist, explores the psychology of willpower and our ability to lose control over our emotions and behaviors. The research and science behind willpower are interesting to read about and gave more of a solid foundation on the willpower experiments suggested to better handle our control. Reading this made me more curious about the effect of other factors outside biology and psychology on our willpower in general (i.e. how do economic factors affect our attention and behavior?). Of course, I digress since this is not the book for that, but it makes me realize that some of the suggestions and studies applied here came from a privileged perspective -- which is something you can also say to the tons of self-help books out there.
Anyway, this is a pretty good read for people struggling with self-control (and who can afford to change) and who wanted a better outcome for their goals. The willpower experiments are all laid out as a suggestion for readers to try and not a sure, easy way to achieve self-control. That leaves us to experiment on which method works best for us given the research and anecdotes in this book. Change is an experiment on one's self and, hopefully, some will stick through in the long run.
I like how this book is not a straight-out "how-to" guide or a "this is how I did it and you probably should, too" type of book. The author, who is an actual health psychologist, explores the psychology of willpower and our ability to lose control over our emotions and behaviors. The research and science behind willpower are interesting to read about and gave more of a solid foundation on the willpower experiments suggested to better handle our control. Reading this made me more curious about the effect of other factors outside biology and psychology on our willpower in general (i.e. how do economic factors affect our attention and behavior?). Of course, I digress since this is not the book for that, but it makes me realize that some of the suggestions and studies applied here came from a privileged perspective -- which is something you can also say to the tons of self-help books out there.
Anyway, this is a pretty good read for people struggling with self-control (and who can afford to change) and who wanted a better outcome for their goals. The willpower experiments are all laid out as a suggestion for readers to try and not a sure, easy way to achieve self-control. That leaves us to experiment on which method works best for us given the research and anecdotes in this book. Change is an experiment on one's self and, hopefully, some will stick through in the long run.
tvrandhavane's review
5.0
Another one of those everyone must read books. This book is short and is based on a Stanford course on willpower. It describes many scientific studies about self-control and how we can use them in our daily lives to get closer to our goals and ambitions. It is well-written and can be really useful to overcome willpower challenges. 5 Stars for the utility of this book.
vaibhav_tripathi's review
5.0
After a long time I read a book that i enjoyed through and through, Very informative and practical book. Easily on par with Atomic habits and Power of habits. I don't understand why it's so underrated. Great book. A must read.