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Useful explanation of manipulative tactics. The book focuses on romantic relationships, but I read it to avoid narcissists in work and frenemies.
There is usually a "love bombing" stage, where the narcissist studies their target and emulates them. It feels amazing. The target gets hooked. Then the narcissist moves to the "devalue" phase where they subtly criticize. It can be as subtle as frequently forgetting requests from the target.
The narcissist is a chameleon who takes on a new personality for each target.
The narcissist can't go for a week without some supply of validation.
There is usually a "love bombing" stage, where the narcissist studies their target and emulates them. It feels amazing. The target gets hooked. Then the narcissist moves to the "devalue" phase where they subtly criticize. It can be as subtle as frequently forgetting requests from the target.
The narcissist is a chameleon who takes on a new personality for each target.
The narcissist can't go for a week without some supply of validation.
Well-researched and compassionately written. I wish I’d read this years ago.
My only criticism is something others have said. It’s not as black and white as the CN being all bad and the other being all good.
But I think if you know that going in and you support yourself with therapy or counseling, this book is an incredibly validating resource.
You’re not losing your mind. These people are just that good at manipulation and nothing you do will change them.
My only criticism is something others have said. It’s not as black and white as the CN being all bad and the other being all good.
But I think if you know that going in and you support yourself with therapy or counseling, this book is an incredibly validating resource.
You’re not losing your mind. These people are just that good at manipulation and nothing you do will change them.
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
I'll spare you the details of why I needed to read this book, but I will say that for the purposes I needed it for, this book was a great resource.
Mirza has a very easy-to-read writing style which made the topic at hand very easy to understand.
Mirza is not a psychologist, so the approach throughout this book is more of a self-help, lifestyle guru kind of vibe. I only say this because while Mirza does an excellent job of using resources and outlining the scientific aspects of covert narcissism this book is less focused on that as much as helping the reader understand the things they may have experienced and how they are not to blame for the behaviours experienced when interacting with a covert narcissist (something that is more than valid to address).
As a result, of Mirza's approach throughout this book, I personally found the first half of it more helpful than the second half, but the list of resources she included at the back of this book has been invaluable.
I would recommend this book if you think that you might be interacting with a narcissist, but that person is not exhibiting the behaviours that you typically associated with narcissism. If that sounds like you definitely give this book ago, it may help you. There were several moments throughout this book where I had "ah ha" moments about the thoughts/feelings/behaviours I was experiencing.
Mirza wrote this book to help those who had experienced similar situations to hers and I think she more than accomplished her goal.
Mirza has a very easy-to-read writing style which made the topic at hand very easy to understand.
Mirza is not a psychologist, so the approach throughout this book is more of a self-help, lifestyle guru kind of vibe. I only say this because while Mirza does an excellent job of using resources and outlining the scientific aspects of covert narcissism this book is less focused on that as much as helping the reader understand the things they may have experienced and how they are not to blame for the behaviours experienced when interacting with a covert narcissist (something that is more than valid to address).
As a result, of Mirza's approach throughout this book, I personally found the first half of it more helpful than the second half, but the list of resources she included at the back of this book has been invaluable.
I would recommend this book if you think that you might be interacting with a narcissist, but that person is not exhibiting the behaviours that you typically associated with narcissism. If that sounds like you definitely give this book ago, it may help you. There were several moments throughout this book where I had "ah ha" moments about the thoughts/feelings/behaviours I was experiencing.
Mirza wrote this book to help those who had experienced similar situations to hers and I think she more than accomplished her goal.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Bullying, Emotional abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
challenging
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
informative
slow-paced
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Did not enjoy reading. I wanted to read more about what a CN and not be preached at as if I have a CN in my life. The author assumes that you are a victim just because you are reading the book. It was just off putting.