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However, there is no need to know about the show nor Jennette herself to enjoy this book.
Hers is a telling of raw feelings, a mom-daughter relationship transformed from love into something twisted, toxic. As she writes at some point in the book "You have what a lot of people want", but she doesn't.
And that is a reality. A lot of people wants and have wanted for centuries that idea of leaving a print behind us, of chasing that fame and glamour. A lot of people want to be on stage, either with music or acting, and now with the use of social media and the rise of streamers, influencers and the like, even more.
But not everyone wants that. Nor realises what might lie beneath the shiny surface of the red carpet. And Jennette's story is an example of this.
How an industry so enormous and with such an influence devours young actors and transform their lives, sometimes from one day to another. And if they are lucky, they might have a network of support and they might end up having a name in the industry and enjoying it. Others, the most of them, don't. And Jennette's is an example of the latter.
This book narrates the story of her wanting to please a mentally unstable mother that wants nothing but to live her shattered dreams of fame and acting through her daughter, who is not interested at all in acting nor the world around it.
We are taken into a journey through Jennette's childhood being homeschooled in a lower class family, with her mother being a hoarder and forcing the family to sleep in whatever empty space the trash has left, even allowing her children to sleep in mats on the floor. How she favours Jennette over her other children and how she verbally abuses her husband.
We are shown her comfort in religion as a Mormon, her own doubts about it, and how it is her mother the one that teaches her about how to be thin. Her journey with anorexia and bulimia and her rise to stardom. We can also see the thoughts of a teenager/young adult that has to deal with the sudden rise of Ariana Grande in the industry and how she receives an imparcial treatment if compared to how Jennette was treated.
We see how she deals with other women and she does not hides from her flaws, calling herself possessive and jealous and in several instances we see her using the word b*tch to describe other women. I do not justify it, but you can see in the book how she learnt that from her mom.
Abuse in the entertainment industry is no secret nor has been for decades, with cases such as Judy Garland or Lindsey Lohan. More and more people are rising their voices and this book does not shy away from the scandal that surrounded Nickelodeon, with Dan Schneider being called The Creator.
She does not shy away either about that call with Miranda, the star of the show, when
Her writing is raw and natural and visceral, and you can feel you are there in those audition rooms with her, being scrutinised by the casting directors and feeling the dread of not being chosen for the role. She does not hide the ugly parts of her life nor runs away from describing explicitly the consequences of her alcohol and eating disorder problems.
For her, this book might have been cathartic, and I believe that finally she can and she deserves to live the life she wants. On her own terms.
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Blood, Death of parent, Alcohol
Graphic: Alcoholism, Child abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Vomit
Moderate: Addiction, Body shaming, Cancer, Child abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Grief, Death of parent
Minor: Infidelity, Sexual assault, Stalking, Schizophrenia/Psychosis
as for the book itself: yeah, i’m glad her mom died too. i genuinely can’t wrap my head around how a mother could treat her child like that. sure, there’s no manual for motherhood, but at some point the abuse and neglect just become... absurd. it’s heartbreaking and infuriating.
Graphic: Alcoholism, Cancer, Child abuse, Cursing, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Vomit, Grief, Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Body shaming, Death, Drug use, Infidelity, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Suicidal thoughts, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Alcohol
Her emotional depth and being able to identify how she was feeling is very inspiring and so was her healing journey. The way she was able to allow us into her trauma in such a real way was powerful. Raw, vulnerable, and deeply human.
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Death of parent
Minor: Suicidal thoughts
Graphic: Body shaming, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Death of parent
Moderate: Alcoholism, Cancer, Grief
Minor: Addiction, Alcoholism, Drug use, Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Toxic relationship, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Alcohol
With that being said, my main thought after reading is that I am very thankful that we have come to a point in time where people like Jennette McCurdy and other child actors can speak up about their abuse and exploitation. It’s hard being an adult and grappling with the fact that your favorite tv shows as a child came from such traumatic environments but I want them to get better. They gave me my childhood and I wish I could give theirs back :/
Graphic: Eating disorder, Emotional abuse
Moderate: Addiction
Jeez, I hate her mom so much & i'm glad she died even if she could have done way sooner.
As a mom, I only wish to not f up my kids like this which won't be that hard tbh. You really didnt deserve any of this Jennette.
Graphic: Addiction, Eating disorder
Graphic: Cancer, Child abuse, Eating disorder, Terminal illness, Vomit, Death of parent
Moderate: Addiction, Emotional abuse, Sexual content
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Chronic illness, Death, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Self harm, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Grief, Death of parent, Gaslighting
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Cancer, Chronic illness, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Emotional abuse, Fatphobia, Mental illness, Self harm, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Grief, Death of parent, Schizophrenia/Psychosis , Alcohol