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4.24 AVERAGE
4.24 AVERAGE
Nate’s always been a good kid. But when he becomes friends with the new guy at school, Cam, his family notices a change. Cam’s the kind of guy who forces him to think about life, the universe, and his dreams … and, yeah, sometimes they break the rules. Soon their two worlds twist around each other and, as Nate explores his feelings for Cam, everything implodes in a fistfight that ends up with Nate stabbed and Cam in jail. Now Nate’s forced to give a statement under oath. But to tell the truth about everything that happened? Well, that’s complicated.
Never before has a debut caused so much emotional whiplash. However much praise Zack Smedley is currently getting for this book is not enough. Deposing Nathan is nothing short of a complete triumph. Period. Full Stop. And yes, that might sound like raving praise, but so rarely does a novel come along, particularly a debut, that provides such a complicated and satisfying reading experience as this one does.
Smedley achieves this by using a unique framing device. The opening showcases how everything brutally ends: Nate and Cam fighting. However, Smedley quickly pulls back and reveals that this action has already happened. Nate’s actually speaking at a deposition, reliving the past several months under the gaze of the very cast of characters that caused so much tumult: his father, his aunt Lori, and, of course, Cam himself. It’s awkward and uncomfortable as Nate recounts how a simple friendship blossomed into something violent, and Smedley draws as much tension from these scenes as possible.
Genuisely, this setting also gives heft to Nate’s story. While some of his actions might make him seem like an unreliable narrator, the fact that he’s at a deposition suggests that the reader is hearing the whole truth.
With that, it’s the characters themselves that make everything click. They’re unapologtically messy, caught in the weird period of transition that is high school. Nate struggles with himself, his faith, and his family all without examining his legitimate problems. Cam, cocky but vulnerable, confuses him with his constant questioning and unique worldview. Their relationship and interactions are entirely believable in a way that isn’t always happy or pleasant, but it’s always real.
It helps that Smedley has an amazingly readable style. Short chapters packed with action and snappy banter, this book flies by. And yet it’s anything but breezy. Rather, it’s like a roller coaster without a visible ending. It loops and turns, careening dangerously until it suddenly stops. And upon exit, there’s a moment of sadness that it’s over, but pure contentment that it happened at all.
This is the book to read this year.
Note: I received a free ARC of this book through NetGalley.
Never before has a debut caused so much emotional whiplash. However much praise Zack Smedley is currently getting for this book is not enough. Deposing Nathan is nothing short of a complete triumph. Period. Full Stop. And yes, that might sound like raving praise, but so rarely does a novel come along, particularly a debut, that provides such a complicated and satisfying reading experience as this one does.
Smedley achieves this by using a unique framing device. The opening showcases how everything brutally ends: Nate and Cam fighting. However, Smedley quickly pulls back and reveals that this action has already happened. Nate’s actually speaking at a deposition, reliving the past several months under the gaze of the very cast of characters that caused so much tumult: his father, his aunt Lori, and, of course, Cam himself. It’s awkward and uncomfortable as Nate recounts how a simple friendship blossomed into something violent, and Smedley draws as much tension from these scenes as possible.
Genuisely, this setting also gives heft to Nate’s story. While some of his actions might make him seem like an unreliable narrator, the fact that he’s at a deposition suggests that the reader is hearing the whole truth.
With that, it’s the characters themselves that make everything click. They’re unapologtically messy, caught in the weird period of transition that is high school. Nate struggles with himself, his faith, and his family all without examining his legitimate problems. Cam, cocky but vulnerable, confuses him with his constant questioning and unique worldview. Their relationship and interactions are entirely believable in a way that isn’t always happy or pleasant, but it’s always real.
It helps that Smedley has an amazingly readable style. Short chapters packed with action and snappy banter, this book flies by. And yet it’s anything but breezy. Rather, it’s like a roller coaster without a visible ending. It loops and turns, careening dangerously until it suddenly stops. And upon exit, there’s a moment of sadness that it’s over, but pure contentment that it happened at all.
This is the book to read this year.
Note: I received a free ARC of this book through NetGalley.
I find myself at a loss for words on this one. Partially because I feel devastated. This book punched me in the gut, smashed my heart and I still haven’t recovered. Also because this is one of those books that, in my opinion, it’s best to go in blind.
It snuck up on me, the tension building until it was 2:00 am and I decided sleep was for the weak and caffeine would get me through today. Which it did. It always does.
It’s a dark read. Bleak but with just enough light and beauty to keep me reading and give me hope. I spent lots of the time reading it feeling so damn angry. By the end, I felt emotionally drained. And speaking of the ending, it wasn’t the one that I wanted. But it was the one that made sense.
Other reviews are way better than mine and include content warnings. I may come back and add some. Or you can message me if you want to know.
If you need me, I’ll be curled up in a ball, trying to get over this book hangover.
It snuck up on me, the tension building until it was 2:00 am and I decided sleep was for the weak and caffeine would get me through today. Which it did. It always does.
It’s a dark read. Bleak but with just enough light and beauty to keep me reading and give me hope. I spent lots of the time reading it feeling so damn angry. By the end, I felt emotionally drained. And speaking of the ending, it wasn’t the one that I wanted. But it was the one that made sense.
Other reviews are way better than mine and include content warnings. I may come back and add some. Or you can message me if you want to know.
If you need me, I’ll be curled up in a ball, trying to get over this book hangover.
challenging
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse
3.5
Damn, this book was depressing.
I cannot emphasize enough how much I appreciate the ending! It was a messy relationship from the start and even though they had feelings for each other, Cam made the wise decision to see the truth of it all, Nate was toxic af!
I can't say I blame and never empathised with Nate, but his character was really irritating me. Especially when he could NEVER stand his ground against his abusive disgusting aunt.
His father is so chill but I am glad he is taking all the blame, I have no idea why he never tried to yeet the aunt the fuck out, it's so creepy already the fact that his DEAD wife's sister is living with them for YEARS, when in fact she HAS a daughter she should be taking care of instead! (another point why the naive father should have suspected is going wrong).
Damn, this book was depressing.
I cannot emphasize enough how much I appreciate the ending! It was a messy relationship from the start and even though they had feelings for each other, Cam made the wise decision to see the truth of it all, Nate was toxic af!
I can't say I blame and never empathised with Nate, but his character was really irritating me. Especially when he could NEVER stand his ground against his abusive disgusting aunt.
His father is so chill but I am glad he is taking all the blame, I have no idea why he never tried to yeet the aunt the fuck out, it's so creepy already the fact that his DEAD wife's sister is living with them for YEARS, when in fact she HAS a daughter she should be taking care of instead! (another point why the naive father should have suspected is going wrong).
This book was great, you can truly feel the main characters struggle with his sexuality. The moments with the aunt reminded me of "The Rules of Survival" by Nancy Werlin. Never felt like slapping someone so much in my life.
adventurous
dark
emotional
funny
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This is such a needed book in the YA and LGBT genres. Not only are the characters compelling and well-rounded, but it tackles some incredibly important and difficult topics. What's most impressive is how Smedley balances writing a bisexual main character who is also religious. It was extremely refreshing to see how faith and sexuality are not mutually exclusive and this book deserves so much praise for walking that line so perfectly and authentically. This book made me think, smile and hurt all at once. Give it a read for sure!
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Yeah, sorry to any other book that might deserve this rating, but if I do not give this book this amount of stars I'd be lying to myself.
For starters, I read this one sole nerve-wracking seating. If you want to know how you know a book is close to 5 stars or exactly in that tier of quality, I'll give you the signs I look for: sweating profusely, absolute anger at what's happening, unwillingness to stop reading it, having too much personal investment and being able to draw concrete parallels between the book and yourself.
It sounds highly stressful, and it kind of is, but it's not really a stress that incapacitates me - as in, having to take a break, which I never do unless I have to, in fact, stop reading to go do something else. I remember stumbling upon this book on Goodreads and being instantly transfixed by the concept, not only because it was highly intriguing, but because I had thought of a similar concept for an original story myself! This only makes me want to write it more, as I now know both would be very different.
Anyways... This book is easy to read but kind of hard to digest - it's heavy and infuriating in that way that makes you want to make things different immediately. Change absolutely everything that's happening, offing some characters and having a big ass talk with others. It's unforgiving in its portrayal of conflicts between sexuality and religion and absolutely BRUTAL (aka even more unforgiving) in its portrayal of abuse. You'll always think it's not going there, yet it always goes, because that is the point of it. It's one of those cases where, unfortunately, being brutal is realistic.
The book definitely reads as a sort of mystery, even the cold opening tells you that this book is about what happened then. It plays its cards right by creating situations where characters are allowed to tell you: There's more to it than what you've seen, and then allowing them to make you wait for the reveals, which most usually are either shocking, terrifying, or both. This book got gasps and audible reactions out of me because of that.
However, I do need to speak, even if in lighter and non-spoilery terms, about a specific ending, a tying of a certain arc within the story pertaining to two main characters: I hated it not really because it wasn't what I wanted (which it wasn't) but because I know it's what's best after everything. It hurt me even more because of that, but I wouldn't say it's anything but satisfying. It does everything right: clean setup, gasp-worthy reveals with raw character moments and interactions and a satisfying finale. What more could you want from a book?
Do yourself a favor and read this book. If you react to it like I did, it'll be a quick one!
For starters, I read this one sole nerve-wracking seating. If you want to know how you know a book is close to 5 stars or exactly in that tier of quality, I'll give you the signs I look for: sweating profusely, absolute anger at what's happening, unwillingness to stop reading it, having too much personal investment and being able to draw concrete parallels between the book and yourself.
It sounds highly stressful, and it kind of is, but it's not really a stress that incapacitates me - as in, having to take a break, which I never do unless I have to, in fact, stop reading to go do something else. I remember stumbling upon this book on Goodreads and being instantly transfixed by the concept, not only because it was highly intriguing, but because I had thought of a similar concept for an original story myself! This only makes me want to write it more, as I now know both would be very different.
Anyways... This book is easy to read but kind of hard to digest - it's heavy and infuriating in that way that makes you want to make things different immediately. Change absolutely everything that's happening, offing some characters and having a big ass talk with others. It's unforgiving in its portrayal of conflicts between sexuality and religion and absolutely BRUTAL (aka even more unforgiving) in its portrayal of abuse. You'll always think it's not going there, yet it always goes, because that is the point of it. It's one of those cases where, unfortunately, being brutal is realistic.
The book definitely reads as a sort of mystery, even the cold opening tells you that this book is about what happened then. It plays its cards right by creating situations where characters are allowed to tell you: There's more to it than what you've seen, and then allowing them to make you wait for the reveals, which most usually are either shocking, terrifying, or both. This book got gasps and audible reactions out of me because of that.
However, I do need to speak, even if in lighter and non-spoilery terms, about a specific ending, a tying of a certain arc within the story pertaining to two main characters: I hated it not really because it wasn't what I wanted (which it wasn't) but because I know it's what's best after everything. It hurt me even more because of that, but I wouldn't say it's anything but satisfying. It does everything right: clean setup, gasp-worthy reveals with raw character moments and interactions and a satisfying finale. What more could you want from a book?
Do yourself a favor and read this book. If you react to it like I did, it'll be a quick one!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Death, Emotional abuse, Hate crime, Homophobia, Religious bigotry, Outing, Gaslighting
Moderate: Body horror, Bullying, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Alcohol
Minor: Cursing, Infidelity, Blood, Grief
Be ready for a ride that starts at a neck-breaking pace and only goes up from there.
tense